Addiction

·addiction·

it was addicting, your presence
It's always bad things, euphoric
it felt good, not languishing for once
everything was so bland, no flavour in life
only emptiness and nothing
but your existence, everything, everything

time to lock it, lock it
pretend to be asleep, very quiet
I shut down the drapes
only the faint yellow light
my shirt's folded up to my arms
the blue, black marks
and all those tortures, wounds
look scary as hell
so I close my eyes
but then open them again
vaccines and lighters
which I stole from the box room
the needle piercing my skin
the amphetamines running through my veins
the energy bursting like hypernovas
I never knew I had it in me
never knew I could feel this good
it's wild, so fkn wild
so loud yet so much silence
what's happening??
a part of me hates me for this
but then again, I'm troubled
It's all right
what harm does one time do?

I can't stop, now never, I can't
it feels like I'm watching myself
from the other side of hell
visiting me to my grave
my tombstone, all guilt
I'm sorry father
mom, you deserve more than me
let me rot in here
I can't be fixed