An Old German Myth

“What are you doing in my house? I called 911. Who are you? And what’s that ridiculous outfit you have on?”

“I visit all families around the world who believe in me.”

“I do not believe in you. You’re nothing but an old German myth!”

“Well, someone here believes in me, and if I’m an old myth that begs a question.”

“What question?”

“Why are you standing here talking to a Myth?”

“Well ... But ... I ... how did you get in? I always lock everything.”

“Most stories say I come down the chimney, but what about families that don’t have one? Like you, no fireplace so, no chimney. I don’t know how I do it, I just do. I think about it and I’m inside doing what I do.”

“What’s that?”

“Nothing, parents have done all the work already, I sit for a few minutes — I can’t tell you how much this takes out of me — then I have some water, I don’t eat the milk and cookies, I get fat.”

“You ARE fat. Check the mirror.”

“It’s an illusion. I spend all my not on duty time on my private island in the South Pacific where I’m six feet tall, blonde, built like Adonis, and I love to surf.”

“But ... what about the North Pole?”

“Piffle! Pure fantasy. Someone Else’s fantasy because I have absolutely no desire to freeze my butt off. Would you set up shop in minus fifty degree weather? That’s insane.”

“I guess not. I’m not ... let me answer that, it’s probably 911... Hi ... yeah this is he and I have to beg your pardon. The problem was a dog that got in through an open door ... yes ma’am, I’m locking everything ... thank you ... yes, ma’am, I’ll be more careful ... yes ... good night. Okay, now finish telling me.”

“Okay, I sit for a short time, maybe have water then stand, arms outstretched and rotate a full circle leaving good feelings to help deal with life. Most ignore them.”

“I can agree with that. Okay, why here? I don’t believe, and neither do my wife and kids. They all know it’s ... you ... fantasy ... dang it. You know what I mean.”

“Aliya, your eight year old believes, she’s frightened by what’s happening and hopes I can calm the world through you. I have to go, would you like to watch me finish?”

“Yes, please ... Oh ... My ... God ... I have never seen or felt anything approaching that in my life. Aliya was right, now I believe in you! Your glow was so bright I had to close my eyes, but could still see you spin slowly and a rainbow in more colors than I’ve ever seen swept everything. When it touched me I felt like I expanded into the universe with the rainbow. Thank you.”

“You accept?

“Yes.”

“Good. Goodbye for now.”

“But ... Wait! ... WAIT! ... Where? ... Goodbye dear, red, non-fat friend. Thank you for showing me. I’ll be thinking of you when I take the oath of office tomorrow.”