Monster Continued

I hadn't heard from M in almost a week. After he hit me, I felt like i had done something wrong. I kept going back to that night. I kept going back to my actions and tried to replay where I went wrong. What did I do to make him so mad? What did I do to make him not ever want to speak with me again?

My parents used to go out of town almost every weekend. They had just started to leave me at home on weekends and I like it. They ledt after school let out. I was laying down in my room when the phone rang. I got up anf thought oh it's mom and dad, they probably forgot something. It was M. He sounded like he had been drinking all night and day. He started yelling at me for not calling him. He told me i was the worst girlfriend and he should just dump me. He told me I was to young and stupid to take seriously and I should just kill myself. I started crying and hung up the phone. How could he be so mean? I didn't call because he was never home. I didn't even think he wanted to talk to me anymore. I shouldn't have hung up on him that was a big mistake.

I sat in my room and cried. I couldn't figure out what i did wrong. Why he was just so mean to me. When I finally decided to emerge from my room it was dark out. I looked at the time on the microwave and it said 9:15. I turned the kitchen light on and looked for something to munch on in the fridge. Then i heard pounding on the front door. I got scared because no one really knew I stayed at home alone. The way they were pounding on the door I thought it was the cops. I thought great someone told them I was here alone. I turned the outside light on and unlocked the front door. There he was. The look in his eyes sent chills down my spine. A part of me wanted to slam the door and call the cops the other part of me was just to afraid to even try that. He gave a look like he wanted to kill me. If i slammed the door in his face, he would kill me.

I opened the door and let him in. He grabbed my face and forcefully kissed me. He smelled of weed and whiskey. The smell made my stomach churn. The kiss seemed to last forever. He finally let me go and sat on the couch. He asked me to make him something to eat. I went to the kitchen and started making food. I should have realized the first time, you never turn your back on him. I didn't even hear him come up behind me! He grabbed me by the hair and slammed my head into the cabinet.I screamed. He threw me on the ground. got on top of me, grabbed my face, and started yelling. I begged him to let me go. I begged him to please let me go. He told me i shouldn't have hung up on him. He told me i was going to regret it. He slapped me twice, got off of me, and kicked me on my right side. I remember curling up into a little ball and thinking,this is it. This is how I'm going to die. As I was shielding my face and trying not to cry loudly, I heard the front door close. He left. I tried getting up and felt a stinging pain on my side. I sat there for a couple of minutes and tried to compose myself. I finally got up and locked the front door. I should have called of the cops. I should have called my parents. I should have said something. I went back to my room and laid down. My whole body was hurting. I prayed that he wouldn't come back. I prayed he would just stay away.

I woke up to the sound of knocking again. I got up and felt the pain again. I slowly got myself out of bed. It hurt to walk, I was hoping I didn't have a broken rib. I answered the door and there he was, holding a bouquet of flowers. I wanted to scream. He told me he was sorry, he begged me to let him, he even started crying and repeatedly apologized for attacking me. I decided to let him in. I was young and dumb, very dumb! He apologized and said he was " on a lot of shit" last night. He told me he would never hurt me again and that he would die if he ever made me cry. That's when he gave me a gentle hug and sweetly whispered "sorry" over and over in my ear. I wanted to believe him and I think in the moment a part of me did. Looking back I wish i hadn't. I wish i would have told someone. That day he catered to my every want and need. He showed me a different side of him and I was starting to feel butterflies again. He made me whatever I wanted to it and just made me feel like I was special and loved. That is what I always wanted from him. To feel like I was his everything.

That night I lost my virginity to him. Did I want to do it, NO. I think I just din't want to piss him off. I honestly don't remember much about it. I remember my side hurting and it being over fast, like really fast. I don;t even think I felt anything. I mean it was my first time, how could I not feel something? When I woke up the next morning he was gone. He left a letter saying he had to go home and help his friends with something. I thought way to dip and dodge dude.

I looked in the mirror and saw a bump and light bruise on my forehead, scratches on my neck, and a bruise on my side. Nothing to bad and nothing i couldn't hide from my parents. I went through my week in a daze. I wanted to tell my friends about my weekend with him. If I did I would have to explain why he was sorry and I honestly wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready for that explanation.......


to be continued......