An Old Mail Pouch

"I did NOT plan to burn the building down! it was an accident caused by a woman with an old mail-carriers bag."

"What are you talking about? How did she and her mail pouch cause it?"

"She distracted me."

"Distracted ... You're kidding.

"No. I was working the grill when she walked by. Turning to watch her and the bag bouncing off her . . . Umm . . . Posterior? Yeah. She was wearing tights that looked like a coat of black paint ... THIN black paint. It was a beautiful posterior and I can not tell you how distracting seeing that bag bouncing off that posterior is.”

"So her beautiful Posterior is supposed to excuse burning the restaurant down? You're lucky everyone got out or you'd be looking at negligent homicide."

"But it was an accident!"

"Explain it!"

"I had just put the steaks on when she got up. I turned and saw her toss the bag over her shoulder and it bounced off her . . . posterior. Fat must have dripped and a flame from the grill set my chefs jacket on fire. Someone screamed and I ripped it off and threw it against he wall. It burned my hair too, look."

"Yeah, yeah, but you burned the place down!"

"It was an accident! Besides, it was me that got all the people out."

"That doesn't make you a hero after starting the fire."

"IT ... WAS ... AN ... ACCIDENT!. Why can't you see that."

"Yell at me again and your butt winds up in a cell!"

"It was an accident! There was no deliberate act on my part, the grill set my jacket on fire when I was distracted. Ask the woman that screamed, she saw it."

"Tomorrow. Tonight you get to enjoy the city’s finest lodging, and it comes with a free dinner and breakfast."

"That sucks!"

"Life sucks, then you die."

"No, it doesn't. Life is great, some people suck."

"Maybe day after tomorrow, butthead."

"I forgive you."

"For what?"

"Being blind."