Losing a Battle

         As I stare forward at the presented power point, I can focus on nothing but the idea of rest. At this point, I'm exhausted, not tired or sleepy. The nightmares have plagued me for too long, they've broken through the gates today. Images of terror, pain, and heartbreak flash before my eyes. Real memories among the perpetrators.

         All the abusers coming for my heart again, taking what's left of it and crushing it into dust. They are not physically with me, I know they can't touch me anymore, but the remnants of the hurt they left have resurrected things I've tried to forget. They haunt my day as I remember every day gone wrong, and how I never told a soul because I was afraid nobody would believe me. My own cries ringing in my ears, as a tear slowly slips down my cheek. The person beside me asks what's wrong. "I'm just tired, that's all" She gives a soft smile and tells me, "I know what that's like. Good luck."

         But I will need so much more than luck. The memories of heartbreak are few among the false images of death. My loved ones bleeding out and crying for help in my mind, and I can do nothing to help them. I've called to make sure that in the real world they are safe, I message them every day. My family attempts to reassure me that they are doing well, everyone is alive and well. But my nightmares are trying to convince me that they are suffering as I am away for college. What can I do to save them?

         My worst fears come to life in my nightmares. I lose everyone I love. I am rejected and abandoned by those I care about. I have spiders in my head and surrounding me, their webs covering my eyes and making me blind. The feeling of unwanted hands roaming my body makes me as stiff as a corpse.

         "Are you sure you're alright?" She's noticed again. "Yea, I'll be okay. Just need to get some rest tonight."

         But sleep is the last thing I want anymore. I just want to keep my sanity and lock these nightmares back in their cages.