im not sure what this is

I should be working. in an office by myself what most people want but me I want to be with people for once, I want to be at the meeting other than just getting notes. I don't have to do anything but try and get the work done, trying is the hardest part. I have nothing to make me want to try. last year I had you, you left and found someone better and now I'm stuck here in this hellhole. I miss you. I miss us. there's nothing I can do. I have to sit here and pretend to be happy. if you where here you would know right about that I am not happy that I am dying but no one here knows me like you did. I don't think anyone will ever know me like you did. why is it that right when we were getting to be friends again stuff happened and now we don't talk? now we avoid each other. what happened to always be friends no matter what, what happened to us going places we always wanted too. what happened to everything we had. it feels like everything we had just gone completely away there is no way you don't still feel something. what we had you couldn't forget. or could you. do you remember what we had, do you miss it. are you glad its over. is this still what you want.