A Forkful of Spoonerisms

A crushing blow took hold of my life today. He married my twin sister! Apparently, he claims that his love for her grew to great heights during our book club reading Pride and Prejudice. He says it was the ways she described the romance in the book. Blah. I say that he loved her all along and was with me only to be close to her.

That hurts.

But, I am stronger than even he knows and I will overcome this horrid time with a simple and effective tradition. Father has agreed to send me away to England for the summer. Emily, the swine, had done so last year. That is the only reason she could feel the romance of the book at all. If I had gone with her, I would never have lost Billy. But, maybe I was saved from a fate worse than death. Maybe my own Mr. Darcy awaits my arrival in London society. I can dream of such things only because my Aunt Mabel has insisted that I will be an absolute hit upon my introduction to upper class society. Emily failed to capture anyone, she was so frightfully dull.

Father wouldn’t allow me to go last summer due to the instance of my threatening Mr. DuLoc with a crowbar at the Melnir’s picnic. He had touched me in a most familiar manner and I was only warning the old man off. Aunt Mabel thought it delightfully funny, however Father was not amused. So, Emily went alone and I stayed here, met Billy, and began a courtship. A courtship she wrecked with her wide-eyed dreams of romance!

Ah, well. They are married now and she is his problem and he hers and I could not be happier for the blushing crow.

-March 21, 2013