Trying to Speak Up

Thinking...

Was all that she could do as some of her closest friends messaged each other on a group chat. As they began to make plans to get together over the holiday break they decided to take attendance of who was actively participating in the chat. One by one they each responded to the roll call all but one. The one friend as hard as she tried could not respond to this group chat. Not because she didn't want to but because she didn't know the right words to say. How can she tell them what was going on? As she thought of ways or words to express that she wasn't sure if she was feeling anything at this point anymore, she kept drafting the message and deleting it. She kept thinking if she should respond. Maybe a video chat would be better? A phone message perhaps? At last, after what seemed like hours she came up with a response and said...

"Hey. I’ve been trying to think of something to say, anything to say really. It’s hard for me to talk about stuff in general but this especially. These past days and weeks have been tough. It’s honestly been hard. All I️ can say is I'm just kind of done. At this point, every little thing I️ do is tiring and exhausting. From waking up, going to work, to simply just trying to type all this. I'm not really talking anymore as I️ said I'm just done with everything. I’m not looking for your sympathy, your pity or your understanding. I️ don’t want to burden anybody or bother anybody because you all have your own things going on. Like I️ said I'm just done with it. That’s all I️ have to and can say at this time. Bye".

As her friends began to read this message one by one they all grew silent at the unexpected message. Until one of them spoke up and said to take a step back from everything. To just breathe and focus on themselves for once instead of having more than one person depend on her. None of the other friends responded to the girls message, all that was left was a lonely group chat.

What the group didn't realize is that the girl was trying to speak up but couldn't. Not to get attention or be over dramatic about a single issue. She was trying to scream, to call out for help because she doesn't know why this is happening. She feels all of these things but at the same time she is beginning to not feel. As each day goes on and on human interaction becomes more challenging to do. The girl tries to be social and approaches a person but is socially akward now because she doesn't know how to keep a conversation going or how to start one for that matter. She kept thinking over and over again about how to respond to her friends message, until finally she decided not to. After trying to for so long she couldn't pick the right words to use to share, to explain, to at least make an attempt at getting her friends to understand her.

At the end of the day, she hasn't responded since. As the days go by, other conversations took over and hers was buried under all the past conversations. It's as if it never happened and no one had a problem with it. The group went on to discuss other topics and the girl became isolated and closed off. Whether this message will be brought up again, probably not. There is no use if the conversation is useless and a waste of time.

To the group chat: The girl says farewell because it just got even harder to speak up.