Counting Firsts

I have taken to counting firsts. My best friend Victoria and I used to do this immediately following our church’s New Year’s Eve party. “First time I’ve peed this year!” or “First time going outside in 2013!” I swear we thought we were (still are) comedic gold. Fast forward to now and I’m counting firsts since him. This is my first time home since the breakup. This is my first paper I’ve written since he left. Two months. Two months, that’s all it was. And yet it feels much bigger than that. He feels more important, more heavy in a way, than two months. And I guess that counting firsts is the best way to remind myself that time is still moving and that I am still moving even though some days the memories of him make me feel all too still.