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More of a rant than actual poetry |
I want for so much I want a life that would make me feel alive And a chance to give that feeling to friends Or at least to the friends I have yet to make I want the opportunity to be independant To carve out a wealthy lifestyle full of what I never had as a child Yet I also want the gift of being dependant Having someone love me so much that they're willing to sacrifice Money, Time, Emotional and Physical energy... I want the ability to be myself and be theirs, and give that in return I want for so much But I will get none of it My childhood has been spent aiming for others' wants My early adulthood has been spent quite the same And now, only two months from my twentieth birthday I've been doing nothing but giving up everything for someone I believe I love That should make me happy The idea that my love keeps someone alive and sane should fill me with such absolute joy It does, to a point I'm so prideful that I'm depended on by being dependant It serves one of my larger desires as well as his own Yet it doesn't Because the amount of energy it takes to walk that path Is enough to fill that road with irepairable cracks and chip away at my youth My ambitions have all but dissapeared and now I'm just riding out the tidal waves Hoping and praying for a chance to both repair and revoke my sense of self This should make me happy Sitting here, in a house I haven't bought With friends I haven't earned And food I didn't work for I should be happy to be able to sit here and write I should be happy to be able to play as many games as I want without a care in the world I should be happy... I should be... |