A witness to withness primer

         It begins in an ornate mysterious manic plunge. Who would have ever thought this could happen to me or anyone else for that matter? How could I not pierce the darkness to see the light? Dad asked me once is anyone stupider than you.? An eight year old takes those sentiments to heart. I am set apart into intellectual oblivion. Not long afterwards I am cast into a room to determine just how stupid I was. It is a humbling drunken stupor. I want to get out of the dumb hole as much as a worm grasps for air on a rainy day only to be cooked dry on the pavement. I live the story of the tortoise and the hare. I will win, the finish line is lines up with a glorious troop of colorful characters who told me to shoot the rabbit in his tracks. People are waiting. I will not stop until I get there and we celebrate that the alien eating rabbits are left in the dust. Together I drag many others along with me past an orange and yellow banner bursting with celebration. The bold blue font says it all "witness to withness." Don't you dare call me stupid without the carnival knowledge that I will take many with me who are NOT stupid at all.

         Before you go further watch for fiery flickering that blocks the way daring me to go forward. Let us be clear the haunting grey voice beckons loudly. "You of all people have no right to expressive rant." "After all I have done for you" if anyone loved you, embracing gladness it was mom" With cigarette in hand she screeches madness into my rapidly decomposing soul. "I will stop smoking if you stop gushing into a rush of black darkness you no longer want to live" How dare I be suicidal and make mom feel like she bore foul smelling flesh into the world. She is not finished. I have become like hard candy that has not melted. I am told that I was born out of wedlock, before she married my biological father. "Above all you need to know you were loved" Yes I am Damn depressed. I can still hear lucidly the sounds of shameful regret. The timing was awful, midnight struck and the glass slipped off. My mother's annointed sainthood was being attacked. My younger brother was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. It is God's cruel joke on all concerned and it is not at all funny. I have become the sad faced jester. Laugh like mom the class clown when in her prime. I can only hear I am an accident. "Oops, your father and I had you but..." The story is beginning. I have been asked a thousand times about what witness to withness means. There is no such word as withness. Hey you may be right, for time being. I am boarding a rocket red and bursting with energy. I am headed to a planet called withness. I am tiredof Being locked up in a cell of alien weirdness waiting to get out. I have found the key and all who have been called stupid and in some sense an accident are invited to come on a journey to eternal life.