I came up with a million reasons

We all grow up with one thing on our mind. We all know what it is personally to each one of us. Even if it's something we'd refuse to tell to even our closest friends or family members. Good or bad. Like take for instance.. I've always wanted to get married. Since I was at least 10, marriage has since then remained a secret want for myself. So impatient to wait, I've been engaged twice. I'm only 21. Although neither has made it to the alter, I never give up on it. Mostly the reason as to why I've been single for almost 2 years now. I fall far to quickly for any man that attempts to make me believe the greater things. I have finally decided it was time to stop trying. That truly if it were meant to happen, it will on its own time. That may be the reason things never worked before was because it wouldn't have been a surprise. So to fully insure that when the moment comes, I could enjoy it thoroughly and how I am supposed to. I do believe that I have been through just enough for that when marriage arises itself. It's my escape. It will allow itself to brighten final outcomes for me. I believe I was never supposed to engage the men I once had. But you never know something till you see it for yourself.


All in all though, I would never express that secret to anyone. Not even the man I marry. We all find pleasure in something. Still we repress the idea and move on with our lives. Long lost dreams and devoted time, soon become a memory within the time of trying to succeed. Deterring the complexity, we strive to show others the side of us that we don't feel embarrassing. Continually walking around all day pretending to be someone else. Matter of fact, there's a saying about as humans, we have three faces. The one we show to loved ones, the one we show to our enemies and the one we show no one but ourselves. And I will always vouch for that. To our loved ones, we give them no reason to worry. They are treated in such a way that the drive to show them the best is the only option. To our enemies, we show them no mercy. They will have no doubts about their place they stand with you. We over exaggerate on our be comings to make them feel belittled. To ourselves...well only you know that one.


It's a scary thought, that someone out there may actually understand you. We're all brought up that we are our own person. That we can never be duplicated. Yet, here you are, wondering if someone else had thought of it before. And they have. How you have felt years ago, how you still feel. As you read this, you thought of that one thing you found your pleasure in. You also agreed. I wish I knew better how to word this, but that could only happen if I knew what your future purpose was supposed to be. There is never a person in this galaxy that couldn't be any different than you other than this one statistic. You are not alone. Originality can only come around so often. As to the saying, "No one has felt my pain". Is actually entirely irrelevant. It's the complete opposite in its own way. Just as it's so uncommon to explain, it's even harder to understand. Which is why the conversation has never come to light. We all believed we were so unlike others, that it became mentally illegal to compare ourselves. It's like walking on burning coals trying to decode even to ourselves. Someone will always have it worse off than you, does not mean we haven't ever felt that emotion. Even if it was for a minor cause. We react differently to situations and just because what happened to us didn't happen the same way to them. We feel they can not fully understand the pressure we go under in due times. Our experiences may differ, but we all share the same emotions. There's only so many names to describe them by, right?