Lamia

December 1st

Baby Shower today! I was so happy to see all of my friends come together to support my baby girl. They gave me so many cute presents. Jennifer bought cute little cookbook for making baby food. It came with a little knife for cutting the vegetables. It was so cute. Rachel bought a pacifier, she always gives the worst presents, everyone knows pacifiers are bad for the baby's teeth.

There was also one... strange present... and I couldn't figure out who it was from. It was wrapped in strange black wrapping paper. It was a candle, shaped like a weeping woman who seemed to be wrapped in what looked like the shedded skin of some sort of reptile. There was a note attached that read "Light this after the baby is born, for good luck". It seemed in bad taste, and I thought about throwing it away, but I didn't want to seem rude. Probably a prank from my ex-husband or something... Anyway, the baby should be coming in 2 months! The doctor said it should be around February 2nd or 3rd. I am so excited.

January 4th

My beautiful baby girl was born today. Her name is Eliza. Can't write much, I have to get some rest.
January 5th

It was Eliza's first day home today! She was crying a lot. The doctor said she might cry a lot at first because she was born so early, but he said there shouldn't be much to worry about. I can't afford to stay longer in the hospital anyway, but if she doesn't stop crying I will take her back. I looked it up online and found out that most babies at 32 weeks are fine. Still, I am worried about her. I got out the mysterious candle from the baby shower. It was actually prettier than I remembered. I decided to light it. I think Eliza needs good luck.

January 8th

Jesus.. no one told me this would be so much work. I'm exhausted. I haven't slept in who knows how long. Eliza hasn't stopped crying. I am getting really worried. I decided to try giving Eliza the pacifier Rachel got her. It actually worked for a while. But then she spit it out. I think I really need some help. Maybe I could ask one of my friends to help me. If only Jeremy hadn't left to fucking fuck that tramp of a woman, maybe he'd be here to fucking help me. Maybe if he'd send me a little bit of that fucking money instead of spending it on all of her bullshit expensive snakeskin bags like he probably does. Ugh, I need to calm down, for the baby's sake, for my sake. Maybe I will light that candle again.. I don't think it helps the baby at all... but.. It makes me feel better.

January 10th

I tried to force the pacifier in the baby's mouth so it would stop, but it just, kept, crying. I finally had to put tape over the baby's mouth. I know it's kind of mean, but I needed to shut it up. The baby still cries through the tape, but now it's only as loud as a mumble really. It's still really annoying though. I realized I hadn't eaten since I left the hospital. I had some food for the baby that I made using the cookbook Jennifer got me, I decided to eat some of it. I guess I could have ordered in.. but.. The baby doesn't need it, there is so much of it. I feel better now that the baby is quieter. Oh... the candle went out, need to light it again.

January 11th
There is, like there always is, a nauseating whine coming from the child's room. Its quieter now because of the tape, but still... the sound of the baby's voice smells like the carcass of a dead horse, like being forced to lick the inside of its entrails, lick it clean, the blood and the waste and the maggots, like being forced to wash it all around in my mouth and feel the texture of it all on my tongue. No one will read this, so I can write this here: I want to scratch off the child's skin. I want to take a knife and filet it off, until little Eliza is nothing but her organs, until she is silent. Ah.. that feels so good to say. To finally get it out. I hate her. I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER AND I'M SOO HUNGRY, I COULD JUST PUT THE BABY IN THE OVEN SO I COULD EAT SOME ACTUAL MEAT INSTEAD OF THIS GODDAMN BABY FOOD.

January 12th

The candle was so pretty. I can't believe I thought it was weird before. The wax is almost gone, I wish there was more. My baby is finally quiet. The knife that Jennifer gave me works on meat too! She is such a good friend. What a cute gift. And I was freaking out about the pacifier for no reason, she doesn't even have teeth. Good thing too, I couldn't chew or swallow her teeth. Things are so much better now, the candle actually is for good luck I think.