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to love and be loved, (only after a certain measure of careful calculation) |
Inequality Of A Most Peculiar Sort The cases in which two people are equally fond of each other is extremely rare! She had known but one case in her entire lifetime, and she was now rapidity approaching, the big 80, with no stop signs or reduce speed signs dotting the current landscape. Yes, she had known of only one such case or circumstance, if you please, but even of that she was not sure, her acquaintanceship had been too fleeting. This brings to mind; sometimes it seems when one needs certain knowledge it is available only long years after, so one says to one's self "if only I had known then." ! Que lastima.! Thinking now that in any relationship one to one there had to be one who was fonder and one who was less fond, and if the relationship deteriorated, one would be less fond first, or if the relationship grew stronger the fondness would grow deeper on one side and outdistance the other. And to know this early enough was to save immeasurable grief and disappointment. One only had to determine at the outset if one would like to be the one who loved more and longer, or less, and drift away first. To know this one had only to consult character or natural inclinations, one's own. To be certain there is to be a truly euphoric pleasure in both. Thus one is no better than the other. The important thing is the awareness or knowledge, to know when the day of the'"less fond eye" has arrived and then say "Well it's time!." As it is time for the cow to have her calf, you were not surprised by that, but afterward the only difference in life is that now the cow has had her calf and you have had the past experience you knew was coming. You having given birth of a certain sort yourself, you may reflect back on these experiences, though not always precise and accurate, they are brought forth nonetheless. To be caught off guard is what ruins us! We suppose in youth and vigor "that the things we know we will always know;" plus a good many other things, but this hardly ever turns out to be so, some things vanish so completely it is as though they have never been. The world becoming not more familiar as we journey through it but less so, now increasingly strange and mysterious, everything replaced or amended, so there is always a long search for what we knew, or what we think we knew, sometimes this thing is never found, always just beyond our desperately grasping reach. We mislaid it in the astonishment of seeing the six inches of snow on the peach, blossoms, and the birds atwitter, rushing from bush to bush dislodging the fluffy mass, so that it falls in white clots through the air, the hillside a magnificent fairyland... It will be my husbands birthday tomorrow..19 April 1909 being his date of birth ..but he is dead now 6 years. She now realized she had been counting the years, and that in grief one does not count, counting is done just when you need to keep things straight. It was important for her to remember that one does not mourn forever.... That's what the god's are for, to allow some respite from mourning, so that we can rejoice in the new and not look forever about and say; "This is not as it was!"....." |