Inhaling Happiness Sweat

Written for "The Writer's Cramp"  using 10/17/16 prompt:
This morning I was skimming an article about what makes us happy (happier,) and stumbled across something called “Happiness Sweat.” That is the substance the happy seem to emit. According to the article, simply being around happy people makes one happier.

It makes sense, I suppose, but the great part about this article was that it gave me a big chuckle.

~~~Will crowds gather about such optimists, sniffing loudly?

~~~Will there be traffic jams inside malls and grocery stores as swarms swirl about such human “Happiness Sweat” factories?

~~~Will happiness vampires become a plague to society?

Lots to think about . . .

Your prompt for today is:

Make the title of your piece (poem or story)

Inhaling Happiness Sweat.

Word Count: 596

Stan turned on the TV as he settled in for a middle of the night infomercial binge on yet another sleepless night.

"Who here has suffered from depression from time to time?"

The audience agrees with head nods and raised hands.

"Yeah, why do you think I'm up, you moron?" Stan was already irritated from his insomnia, but he'd hoped to find something of interest on late night TV. Perhaps a new fishing lure to add to his collection, though he never had the interest or motivation to actually go out and use them anymore.

"As many of you may have heard, inhaling happiness sweat can elevate your own mood. Yes, breathing deeply around sweating, joyful people is good for you."

"Give me a break." Stan rolls his eyes and picks up the remote to change the channel.

"One in five people suffers from depression and we all have low moods from time to time. Wouldn't it be great if we could find something to stop these things from getting worse, something besides a pill?"

"Pills are the only thing keeping me alive...whether I like it or not." He tosses the remote on the couch next to him as his eyes watch the brightly lit screen.

"Have you had changes in your appetite? Changes in your sleeping habits? Do you have trouble concentrating or maybe following through with tasks? Have you been isolating yourself from friends and family?"

"What friends and family? If I had any, maybe I wouldn't be so depressed. After Rachel left, everyone sided with her. I made one mistake and no one can seem to look past it. If I was rich and handsome like you," Stan points to the screen, "I wouldn't be depressed."

"If any of these symptoms sound like you, you may be suffering from depression and should seek the assistance of a medical professional. But in the meantime, what can you do? Well, research has the answer and we have the product. Since it can be difficult to find people who are both sweating and happy, not to mention, it's awkward for you to breath in deeply in their presence, we've developed a solution."

"Yes, for only $19.99, I too can be happy."

The announcer begins discussing the science behind their product and how it elevates mood and Stan sighs heavily with exhaustion.

"For only $49.95 you can enjoy a happier life. Simply take this tiny roll-on and roll it discreetly above your upper lip and within minutes you'll notice a change in your mood."

"More like a change in your credit card statement. Are these people kidding?"

For the next several minutes person after person gives testimony about how inhaling the happiness sweat had changed their life. They were all beautiful people with expensive furniture behind them or manicured golf courses or gentle ocean breezes accentuating their happy mood. They smiled. They dressed well. They had a metaphorical spring in their voice. Stan longed for that. He hadn't left the house in over a week and even then it was only briefly. He had called in to work, claiming he was sick, then asking for vacation time. He hadn't showered in a couple of days and hadn't eaten anything except pizza and cereal in...was it weeks now?

"Give us a call now and we'll throw in an extra roll-on for half price. You already have enough regrets for one lifetime. Don't make this another. Call us now and get started inhaling happiness sweat."

Stan punched the numbers into his phone. After all, they offered a money back guarantee.