What Did I Do

I sat on my bed looking down, looking down at what I had done. With a blade in my hand, and red dripping down my arm. What did I do? Why did I do it? Every single question popped into my head at once. I realized, I meant to do it. The blade was in my hand for a reason and I didn't feel bad. I felt better, it was a release of all the bad things in my body. All of those bad things dripping down my arm, they aren't in my head anymore. Everything that I've been through is red and escaped my body. How could I feel bad? It wasn't like I was trying to kill myself, but I wasn't trying to prevent it either. I was all about the release part of it, then I kept doing it. It was about the 5th time I did it, I realized that I couldn't feel it anymore. I didn't feel anything and that was okay. I didn't feel anything anyways, feeling is a trap, at least for me it is. I quit trying to feel when my parents quit loving me. For them I'm just a disappointment the walks around and breathes. That's all I am to them, and that's all ill ever be. So, why not do everyone a favor and not breath at all. I decided that on March 14 I would take my last breath, and that was okay with me. Until that day, I kept cutting deeper and deeper to see if I could feel. What a surprise, I didn't.

Its March 14 and three in the afternoon, I'm still going to go through with it. I walk into my parents bathroom and take out my moms pill bottle. I took them all, and I laid there in their floor. I heard the front door open and my mom yell up the stairs to me. But and this point I started to drift away. I saw her walk into the room and that was it. That's all I saw, the last thing I saw was my mothers face. My mothers kneeled down trying to wake me but I wouldn't budge. She saw the pill bottle and kept repeating

"Sage, what did you do!"

She then called 911 and they took me to the hospital. They pumped my stomach, and anncouned that I was in a coma. I could see her and the doctors, but there was no sign of my dad. I knew he wouldn't care enough to come, I was surprised my mother even stayed. I kept thinking what I did. I felt sorry for my parents but they never showed they cared, so I just removed myself from the situation. Or at least I tried to. I didn't think that my parents would care, they wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. I wouldn't be a problem or a disappointment anymore, I'd simply be dead.