In The Woods

The snow is just beginning to fall when they arrive at the secluded cabin. She can see the man, lean and muscular, is restless after their drive - and she knows just what he wants.

"How silly," the man says. "Only one paragraph in and this story is stupid."

The snow begins to freeze as she disappears behind a deerskin and slips into a lace negligee, preparing herself to do whatever is necessary to rekindle their marriage.

"Don't get me wrong, I like where this is going," he says. "But don't you think you could find something better to read?"

For the first time she doubts whether she is with the right person, but she dismisses the thought with a flick of her lemon blonde hair.

"No, don't stop reading!... Come back. I'll tell you a secret if you keep reading. OK? But you have to keep reading."

The wind outside continues to howl, causing shadows to flicker self-indulgantly across the ceiling of the cabin. The woman moans with anticipation and the realization that she is a stock character with no outside interests or aspirations of her own.

"I'll tell you about the author. He's totally insecure."

The woman hits the strong, handsome man on the head with a tennis racket, making him howl with pain like a stupid, trapped animal.

"Ouch! See what I mean? He's desperate for outside validation. He can only like himself if you like this story. Sick, right?"

Shut up.

"He doesn't write for the love of writing. He writes because he has fantasies about winning competitions and becoming rich and famous."

Nothing this character says is true.

"Besides writing he doesn't have much going on. He sleeps until noon, he contributes nothing to the world."

The man, who in a different light is actually quite flabby and unattractive, suddenly realizes he is alone in the cabin, the woman having left him to study computer science at a nearby community college.

The man is overwhelmed by loneliness, as well as by the merciless constraints of the short story format and the knowledge that he is not well written enough to live on in the minds of readers.

"Keep reading," he says. "Keep reading. You know the author hasn't been with a woman since--"

Just then a fire breaks out and ravages the forest. Everybody dies.

THE END

"How silly."