A path created for me by my GOD.

I am angry. Not at God, but at circumstance. Yes, I times like these as a fork in the road. That I have a choice to make. But I am down right mad.
When I was little my mother was physically and mentally abusive. It is rough when your own mother looks at you and says, "If I had it to do over again I wouldn't have had children." As little kids we were lined up for nightly spankings, even if we didn't do anything. When we were older, she would leave us home alone while she spent weeks with her boyfriend.
Needless to say I survived, a little bruised and emotionally scared, but I survived. I hit a fork in the road. I could live the life I was shown or I could change it. I chose to change it to live differently. Eventually, God guided me to the path of teaching. I started school to be a teacher.
For several years things were uneventful. Not easy by any means, but His plans for me were moving.
In 2009 I started experiencing pain in my stomach. Some doctors theorized that it was an ulcer, but I still had pain. I sought doctor after doctor until finally it hurt so much that I went to the ER. It winds up that I had a large tumor on my ovaries. I had it removed in 2010. I was out for about 3 months. The surgery hurt so bad. I had another fork. I could quit right there or fight through the pain. I chose to fight through the pain and finished my bachelor's degree.
I finished I had my teaching degree. I was subbing for classes and I felt un-fulfilled. I could have left it at that, but God was calling me back to school.
I went back for my Master's degree in Special Education. I graduated. Although teaching jobs were few and far between I felt this was my place. Especially in special education. It felt like the kiddos had more patience with me, which would make me less frustrated with myself.
This next fork was a long time coming. Since I was 10 I had problems with falling and I would get vertigo on stairs and when I looked down. I felt as long as I was the only one hurt and it wasn't that bad I just needed to pick myself up, brush off, and move on. Each fall in the classroom, each student that couldn't read my writing, each student that couldn't understand my speech or thought patterns was a hit to the ego, but I moved on.
One day, while I was substituting for a classroom we had an assembly. Stairs, even bleacher stairs, bother me. But, I figured we were only four rows up it can't be that bad. A student stopped in front of me on the bleachers and because I don't look down I tripped over him. It could have been worse than it was, but all the shots my ego took over the years came back to me. I got a MRI and went through walking rehab. I found out that I was born with cerebellar atrophy, a condition that I inherited from my mother. The woman wouldn't get me a Christmas present, but I get this from her great. They said that the reason I fall and get vertigo is because of the cerebellar ataxia.
When they said this it crushed me. But at least I know now why I fall, why I get vertigo, why I get muscle spasms and jerks. Why my driving was so bad. At that time I was still working with kids, my confidence wasn't what it once was. They sent me to a neurologist who in one swoop changed my life forever. No work and no driving. My life was crushed. I worked with disabled kids for a long time that would push on even though they had disabilities. It wasn't the thought of being disabled. It was the thought of losing what I felt was my independence. After a while I figured driving and teaching do not define me. I do and with time I will go down another path created for me by God.