Reflections from a Train

February 21, 2016 ~1:00pm Eastern Time

I’m sitting on a train in South Station, Boston. I fear leaving this place, as I often do the places I visit. In this moment, I feel as if I didn’t settle into this place enough, that I didn’t do all I could to experience it fully.

What is that need to connect to the place I am in? I came back to this city, after so many years away, and in it I saw the system… this city showed me MY system.

It was like the 34 years old me was in my 23 year old life. I was too blind then. Too caught up in my grief and anxiety to enjoy this place. This 34 year old Lis enjoyed this place. Maybe I regret not doing so when I was younger, perhaps that is what this emotion is now?

I’d like to spend an extended amount of time here. Or, maybe, I just like imagining myself doing so. Afterall, I was so lost then, but am I found now? No, I suppose not yet.

But, being here now forces me to look back to then. And, seeing then in the now, the darkness of the times disappears. I see the darkness that I was, but the times, places and people were full of love and light. My perspective has shifted, I am moved.

Yes, even then, especially then, the universe was taking care of me. I was never in control, never have to be, never can be.