Plight
of the Single Woman in Utah
It is a truth
universally acknowledged that a woman upon graduating high school
must be in want of a husband.
As she enters the
Freshman years anew she begins her search for a suitable specimen,
particularly of the breed called "RM" if she is of the Native
species of "Mormon" for he is considered the greatest game
available.
She is the
capture her prey and marry him within a year of their acquaintance.
The faster the task is accomplished the more successful and
respectable the female. The true mark of womanhood is to have her MRS
before her BS and children before a career.
The competition
is stiff, and becomes thicker still as one ventures closer to the
watering hole BYU in Provo. Here in Utah Valley the spoils and
targets of the hunt are jealously guarded or proudly displayed. All
woman under the age of 25 without the proof of a successful hunt; a
ring on the fourth finger, is regarded with suspicion, least she
poach another huntress' catch.
A woman above
said determined age is not to be feared, but pitied as an old maid.
It is either a woman's horrific priorities or sad misfortune that
allows her to obtain a degree before a husband and a career before a
child. Such an amoral woman could be of no threat to a young bride
and thus sympathy may be spared.
Yes, you will be
watched in the valley by both huntress and prey. Both wary of your
every move. Take caution, there is nowhere safe for the independent
in a valley that houses a diamond shop on every corner and a bridal
shop on every street.
You may pity, if
you will, the native men and women of this land, but pity more those
who migrated here from outside the boundaries. Prepared or not they
are thrown into the hunting ground to be offered as sacrifice to the
marriage alter.
Pity not only the
husbandless woman, but the childless wife. Yes, even she who has
captured her game is not above scrutiny if she has failed in the
basic task of reproduction. Pity the divorce who could not save the
most sacred of all things; her marriage. A woman without a man or
child is nothing.
A
woman is always to be wary of other women until all her acquaintances
are married or have safely entered the safe stage of spinsterhood.
Men are to be appraised for as breeding stock upon introduction. Do
not feel sorry for these primitive people, for this is their cultural
norm and is accepted and practiced as religion throughout the valley.
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