When I Think of You

I remember the day
You passed away
I collapsd and cried
Until my tear ducts ran dry
Then I laid there, still and silent
Without help, without guidance

I remember it like yesterday
Ages ago, forever I say
I still fight the urge to crumble
Drown in my thoughts or to stumble

I'd hear your voice when you would talk
And think tall, like Jack's beanstalk
I'd think blue eyes, like crystal lakes,
Bear hugs so tight, you swear bones break,
I'd think of your jokes and happy smile
Really wish you could've stayed a while
Age 18 is too young to go
Not even enough time to grow

I was with you mere hours before
Death went knocking at your front door
In the grass, the three of us lay
Watching the sunset, catching the last ray

I knew you like no one else
You'd even said so yourself
I knew things your girlfriends wouldn't
And things your parents really shouldn't

I knew of your self-mutilation
Your loves and your infatuations
I knew about your drinking habit
And that you wanted a pet rabbit
I knew all about your ex-girlfriends
The pain they caused, the cause for end
You showed me your darkest poems
Showed me the places your mind roamed

I'm not sure where in the time I knew you
5 years, 7 months, give or take a few
I fell in love but never did confess
Our friendship wasn't worth the risk

I recall our 2 AM walk
Soon we quit checking the clock
You put your grandma's cross in my hand
The gesture made it hard to stand

And when you and a friend walked me home
So I wouldn't be in the dark streets alone
Both sasquatches, I knew I was safe
Though it was really, really late
You hugged me tight and gave me a stone
And now with that, I'm never alone
Doesn't seem special, brown and plain
Your good luck charm eases my pain

I think about you every day
It makes me feel semi-okay
Sometimes I cry, sometimes I smile
Sometimes I just space off a while
I miss you terribly all the time
You left while still in your prime

I wish I could pay you better tribute
But after all this, I want to go puke
I know you're never coming back
And thinking about it makes the future look black