Riddle Me This

Thomas was waiting at his familiar bus stop hoping the 6:30 am uptown shuttle would be on time today. As he was 13 minutes early he scanned the faces of his fellow travelers. He had seen most of these faces on more than one occasion through the many months of his commute. He nodded at many of the frequent acquaintances he knew at the bus stop.

Within this group there was a spattering of chit-chat. Thomas didn’t normally engage in much of this as he knew if you opened that door you could be stuck listening to someone’s life story for the rest of the commute. He preferred to keep his own counsel. His life story would remain his alone.

He did make note of the one new face in the crowd. He was an older man who had the appearance of one of the homeless detritus who were permanent residents in the parks and underpasses in this part of the city. The old bum seemed to be in some sort of delirium as he traversed the bus stop from one end to the other or randomly circling the group waiting in the bus stop kiosk. He kept repeating a phrase over and over again. “Riddle me this. What is the result of a Poke, a Stab and a Slash? Why, Death of course. Riddle me this. What is the result of a Poke, a Stab and a Slash?”

The commuters were getting nervous and wary of the newbie. The chit chat died off as the bum approached and immediately picked up as he passed. Thomas was at the end of his patience when he fell in step with the bum on his next circuit around. Thomas broke his own rule and attempted to engage the bum. “Dude, Hey Dude, can I talk to you for a minute?”

The bum continued walking but did stop repeating his litany and looked up at Thomas. Unexpectedly without interrupting his steps he slightly twisted his torso as he reached out and poked Thomas in the chest with a gnarled crooked finger. With that Thomas saw the glaze of vacancy leave the bum’s eyes. Then he spoke, “So you got the answer huh?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about buddy, but you’re spooking the hell out of everyone here. You need to cool it.”

The bum stopped in his tracks, shook his head no and said, “They don’t get it.”

Just then the uptown bus announced its arrival with a squeal and whoosh of air brakes. Both Thomas and the bum swiveled their heads around to see the waiting crowd queue up at the open door for boarding.

The bum seemed to fade back into his dementia as he launched into his mantra once again. “Riddle me this. What is the result of a Poke, a Stab and a Slash? Riddle me this. What is the result of a Poke, a Stab and a Slash?”

Thomas left the bum standing there and made his way to the back of the line of commuters. The bum followed behind and became more emphatic in his invocations, “Riddle me this. What is the result of a Poke, a Stab and a Slash?” Then the bum suddenly changed the rant as he caught up to Thomas on his right side. He then started to wave his arms wildly about in a frenzy and nearly shouted, “Do you get it? Do you? Do you get it?”

Thomas was getting annoyed and he thought to himself, “Serves me right for breaking my no chit chat rule.” Seeing that he was next in line to board the bus he said to the man, “Hey buddy, calm down. I’m going to get on the bus now. I’ll catch you later.”

The old guy then switched back to his original chant still swinging his arms about, “Riddle me this. What is the result of a Poke, a Stab and a Slash?”

Just as Thomas was going to step up onto the bus and right at the word “Stab” he felt a shooting pain in his right ass cheek. Shocked by the pain he wheeled about and caught sight of a bloody pen knife in the bum's hand. He twisted around a little farther to get a look at his ass and saw a spreading bloody patch on the back of his pants. “What the hell!”

As Thomas was watching his ass the Bum jumped in close swinging his knife hand downward so that it collided with the side of Thomas’s exposed neck. With that there was a sudden explosion of spraying warm blood that gushed from the new wound on his neck.

The crimson spray got the attention of the bus driver and the commuters as screams erupted. Thomas straightened up and grabbed his neck as he tried to stem the fountain shooting out of his neck.

The bum stood before him waving his bloody knife screaming, “Riddle me this. What is the result of a Poke, a Stab and a Slash? Riddle me this. What is the result of a Poke, a Stab and a Slash? Do you get it? Do you? Do you get it?”

Losing motor functions and balance Thomas collapsed in a heap but continued to hold his neck trying to slow the flow of his life’s blood from leaving his body. Through a haze he saw the bus driver and commuters tackle and disarm the old bum. But that didn’t keep the bum from talking. He said, “He’s got the answer now. What is the result of a Poke, a Stab and a Slash? Why, Death of course.”

As Thomas’s reality faded to black he had one final thought, “That’s it. Never again...No more freaking chit chat.”