Beyond The Pale

-Beyond The Pale-
by
Keaton Foster

“I fear nothing except for myself.”

Pacing back and forth, here I am, all alone down at the end of this barely ever used dirt road. Visceral thoughts race through my frantic mind as feelings of melancholy sour my heart and soul. Aloud, I wonder to myself, will I ever be found and if so, by whom? And why did they come here, down to the end of this dirt road that is never used? What will they say with regard to my soon-to-be state? Will they run away in fear or will they stand in awe of the unsightly mess that I’ve become?

Beyond the pale, wishful and availed, in these hands, trembling madness, to be circumvented sadness. In these hands, a loaded weapon of ends, pointed right at my head. Every possible change is just one squeeze away. It, a machine to be set to action with regard to a lifetime of hostile inactions. It won’t fail me, it won’t fail itself. It was built for days just like this and for men just like me.

Way out here, past all known light and beyond the glow of a distant home is glorious transcendence and implied reverence. All of it is just one squeeze away. Instantaneous such things will be. I am certain that I won’t feel a damn thing, not another terrible moment of this forsaken existence. I won’t hear any sound or see any of the mess. I won’t know if I’m dead. I’ll just know that no longer do I exist as I once struggled to.

God’s good book states, maybe in not so many words, thou shalt not kill thyself or anyone else. Thou shalt not break the quandary of God. Death will come as part of a fate long since defined by the maker of us all. Anyone who sidesteps God and fate will pay a price that will surely be steep. Greater in wickedness is any man who shatters such binds via a slug to his supple cranium.

God’s hold over some is great but not over me. I am my own wolf in his wilderness of monsters and I am as cunning as the next and as ruthless as all of this. Be assured I’ve always known what it is that I must do and why I would be doing it. I was created for this and all that has brought me here, to this place of few visits and lonesome ends.

Have not a question, all sympathy aside, please understand that I have always done what it has taken to ensure my survival. And never for a second did I consider the feelings of those I was hurting. I just kept going, steamrolling them and myself in the process. Here I am with a gun under my chin. An exit from reality within just a squeeze. I’ve never been closer and I’ve never been more certain.

If someone managed to love me I’m sure they would plead for me not to do this. But to them, I would not listen because I know that love in any form or context is forever least of all. It always fails, it always betrays us. We are meant to be alone. Meant to suffer, just as I have.

So here I am, done with all this delay. I’m long since over any and all fear. My jaded, failing heart feels not an ounce of concern. My mind holds not a single doubt. What comes next and what must be faced is without question out there waiting,

Beyond the pale…



Beyond The Pale
Written by Keaton Foster Copyright © 2015.