Chapters 1-3

CHAPTER ONE

Beep...beep...beep. The noise was really starting to get on my nerves. I didn’t know where it was coming from, and that only made it worse. I tried to open my eyes and look around, but it felt like someone had superglued them shut. Not knowing where I was, I tried to get an idea of my surroundings. I was laying down...probably on a bed judging my the softness of it. I felt light sheets covering me up to my waist, and something sticky on my hand.
Suddenly, I heard a door to my left whoosh open. Light footsteps walked across the room over to me. I lay very still, not knowing who the footsteps belonged to. Deciding that if the person meant harm they would have already harmed me, I tried to say something but I couldn’t open my mouth. It felt like someone had poured a bucket of sand down my throat and my tongue stuck to my teeth. I felt something cold, like a cube of ice, touch my chest and couldn’t help flinching.
“Sorry honey, stethoscopes a little cold,” a voice whispered above me. It sounded like a woman, young judging by her voice. I knew I’d heard the voice before, but I couldn’t figure out who it was.
“How can you still have sympathy for him after what he did?” Another voice behind me said. It surprised me so much that I would have jumped if I’d have been able to move. The person behind me was trying to fix whatever was beeping, but she was only making it worse. The machine screeched out another chorus of angry beeps.
“What do you mean?” The woman above him asked. She was probing the stethoscope across my chest, pausing to listen every few seconds.
“He’s a murderer and you know it. Just because he’s young doesn’t mean he’s innocent.”
“It’s not confirmed,” the woman whispered, finally taking the stethoscope off of me.
“Well, I’m afraid it will be soon. You’re little friend has quite a load of evidence against him.” I heard a frustrated sigh, and the sound of a plug being pulled out of the wall behind me. “This IV pump isn’t working. I’m going to go get another one.”
IV pump? I figured I was in a hospital, but why? I heard the nurse blaming me for murder, but I was innocent. I might’ve had a shady past, but I would never murder someone. I tried to tell the nurse that I didn’t do it, but as soon as I managed to open my mouth, I choked on my saliva. Gasping for air, I sat straight up in bed, tearing a tube off my face. Bad idea. As soon as I sat up and opened my eyes, searing pain shot through my head. It felt like someone was shoving a red hot knife right through my eye.
“Shh...just calm down, it’s all right.” The nurse leaned over me and gently pushed me back down on my back. I struggled to get out of her grasp, but she pinned me down by my shoulders.
“I..I didn’t...” I sucked in big gulps of air, but my lungs felt like they were a fourth of the size that they usually were. I squeezed my eyes shut. This was a dream, this isn’t happening, it’s all a dream. I opened them again, but I was still in the hospital room.
“It’s all right. Deep breaths honey. There you go,” The nurse let go of my shoulders and pushed a strand of blonde hair back from my face.
I took a couple deep breaths and tried to think back as far as a could remember. Unfortunately, as far as I could remember was just a few minutes ago. The fact that I couldn’t remember anything sent a jolt of anxiety through me. I wiped sweat off my face and stared at the ceiling. Nothing...I remembered literally nothing. “Where am I?” I finally managed to ask.
“You’re...” the nurse paused a moment, like she was thinking how she should answer my question, “in the hospital.”
I wanted to scream from frustration. I knew I was in a hospital, but which one? Why was I here?
“What’s your name?” The nurse cut in my line of thoughts.
I closed my eyes, concentrating. My mind went blank. My name...what was my name? I knew I had a name. Someone had named me. The thought almost made me laugh, someone had named me just like you would name a pet. The name came to me suddenly, like someone had screamed it in my head. I didn’t even know if it was right or not, but it kept bouncing back and forth in my head and somehow it seemed to fit. “Will.” I answered.
“Good.” The nurse answered. I thought she reminded me of a game show host. Maybe that’s what this was. Maybe it was all a trick, a prank. Maybe someone just wanted to see if they could scare me. “Do you remember anything else?” She questioned me further.
I thought back to the beeping noise that had brought me into all of this. Before that I couldn’t remember anything. I looked down at my hands, like they could tell me something. They were raw and blistered, shiny with new scars. I saw flickers of what had happened to them. I remembered feeling guilty...so guilty that I wanted to just crawl in a hole and die. Then there was a bang...a gunshot? And fire, lots of fire. There was someone else there, someone I had known well. It was a girl, but I couldn’t place her name. Names seemed to be my nemesis these days. “Carly.” I whispered out loud. That’s what her name was.
The nurse’s eyes widened, like this was some huge piece of information. “What do you know about Carly?” She asked.
Suddenly, it all came back to me. It was like someone else saying her name brought everything back. I knew who Carly was and I knew what I was doing. There was still a piece missing though. There was still one more person involved in the puzzle-Dad. Everything came back crystal clear, it was like I was watching a movie. I was in the kitchen making meth when Carly walked in...I had no idea what she was doing here, but the look on her face killed me. Dad must have heard her scream, because he ran in...with a gun. That was the noise...the gunshot, then Carly fell to the ground. Someone screamed, it must have been me. Then there was the explosion. It had all happened so fast. What was Carly doing there? I asked myself. She wasn’t involved in this...she was a “good girl”.
“Who’s Carly?” The nurse asked again. I knew that she knew exactly who Carly was, she just wanted to hear my side of it.
“She was there when it happened. She’s my...half sister.” The term half sister felt foreign to me, I’d always considered Carly to be my full sister despite the fact that she was mixed and I wasn’t. It almost seemed deceitful for me to call her that, but it was what the nurse was looking for.
Before the nurse could reply, the woman with the new IV pump walked in.
“Glad to see you’re up.” She nodded in my direction. Something about her tone of voice told me that she was definatly not glad to see me up.
“Caitlyn,” the nurse started “he knows.”
“I know what?” I questioned, propping myself up on one elbow. I had a bad feeling about this whole thing, but the nurses not telling me everything just made it worse. I still had no idea what the big deal about murder was. For some reason, I couldn’t even imagine that anything had happened to Carly. In my mind, she was laying on her bed, propped up on her elbows, reading a book. She was probably debating on whether or not to invite me over for a movie...hopefully she wouldn’t be too disappointed that I couldn’t make it because I was stuck here.
“Why don’t you tell me?” Caitlyn snapped. She’d finished re-hooking up the IV and was now facing me with hands on her hips.
For the twentieth time in the past few hours, I went blank. I really had no idea what they were talking about. Unless...oh. I was really in deep. I hoped that Carly wouldn’t mind helping me out. “It was Dad’s fault.” I said. That was my famous line...the cool thing is, it was always true. No matter what bad thing I’d done, it really was always Dad’s fault.
“Don’t blame this on your father!” Caitlyn advanced towards me. I couldn’t help flinching, once again, Dad’s fault.
“I swear! You can ask Carly.” I said. I was getting desperate. I really didn’t want to be blamed for all of Dad’s drug deals. Unfortunately, he somehow always made it look like it was my fault. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had called the police on me for something he had done.
Caitlyn paused and stared at me like I was crazy. Which, in her defense, I kind of was at the time. “Jenna?” She whispered, staring at the nurse who was on the other side of me.
“What did you just say?” Jenna asked.
I looked at both of them, then back up at the ceiling, figuring out if they could use what I had said against me. I didn’t think they could, so I repeated myself. “I said to ask Carly. She knows I’m not in on it.”
“Oh.” Was all Jenna said. She put her hand over her mouth and closed her eyes for a minute. When she opened them, they almost looked teary. “Will,” she started, “Carly...didn’t make it.”
“What?” I asked, not sure if I had heard right. Carly wasn’t gone, she couldn’t be.
“Your sister...she’s gone.” Caitlyn said. She reached down and patted my shoulder, like that was going to fix everything.
I still hadn’t moved. I just laid there, on my back, staring at the ceiling. I couldn’t believe it...I didn’t believe it. Carly was here. I was so determined that I used the bedside phone and dialed her cell. All I got was voicemail. It was hell, hearing her talk. I dialed again and again and again. Every time I heard the “I’m sorry, I’m not able to reach the phone this minute.” I cried. Every single time I heard the phone click to voicemail, I sobbed like I was some three year old kid.
I don’t remember how many times I called. I just remember Jenna coming in and taking the phone from me. I remember hearing the click when she hung the phone up and that just set me off again. She tried to comfort me, but ended up having to leave.
I just laid there, staring at the ceiling.
“Poor little Will,” my dad’s slurred voice boomed in my head, “doesn’t have anybody he can trust. Are you scared, hmm? Is he scared?”
“Go away.” I whispered out loud, like my thoughts would actually listen to me and leave. Before I could try to stop them, the memories came flooding back.
“You can’t make me do it!” I had screamed at him. I was tired of going around and doing all of Dad’s dirty work.
“Excuse me?” My dad stumbled over to me. I should have known not to mess with him when he was this high.
Like an idiot, I planted my feet in the ground. “I said you can’t make me do it.”
Dad took another step towards me. “Oh, so we’re having an attitude. I like that.” He ran his finger down the side of my face. I shuddered and he laughed. “How much will he fight?” He chuckled to himself.
“Leave me alone.” I said through clenched teeth. For some reason, I thought that if I stood my ground he’d back down.
“I will once you do it. Make the meth. What, are you afraid to do it?” Dad laughed. I glared at him. He was the one that was afraid to do it. That’s why it always turned out to be my job.
“Well, it seems like we’re having an attitude problem here. You know what’ll fix it?” He grabbed the neck of my shirt and pulled my face close to his. I stared straight into his hazy eyes. He wasn’t going to win this one. “I said do you know what will fix it!” Dad screamed at me.
I bit my lip and shook my head. Never mind me winning the fight, I just wanted to get out of this alive.
Dad growled and shoved his fist into my stomach. I doubled over, trying to get my breath back. I wasn’t alert, and that cost me. Dad’s fist flew into my jaw and I spit out a mouthful of blood and gagged. I was down on the floor, on all fours trying to regain consciousness and get a hold of myself. There was an empty beer bottle on the counter and if I could get to it in time...Dad must have seen me eyeing it, because the next thing I know he’s smashed it over my head. There was no use in fighting back now, I was on full protection mode. I curled up into a ball on the floor, shielding my head with my arms. I felt Dad’s shoe slamming into my ribs repeatedly, but for some reason it didn’t hurt. Nothing hurt...all I could think was This isn’t good. It was the stupidest thing, me laying on the floor getting beat up by my dad and literally all I could think was This isn’t good. Slowly, black came over from the corners of my eyes and I welcomed it. I felt myself falling into darkness, and then that was it.
I opened my eyes. The kitchen was dark and I couldn’t hear Dad, so he must have been sleeping or left. My stomach was warm and sticky with blood...apparently Dad was still having fun after I passed out. I knew I should move somewhere safer i.e. somewhere where Dad wouldn’t find me, but all I could think about was how good it would feel to lay my face against the cold tile floor. I tried to sit up, but had to bite my tongue to keep from screaming. Slowly, I rolled over onto my stomach and pushed myself up onto all fours. My vision blurred and I felt like throwing up, but I had to get out of here. I laid my face against the cold cabinet and tried to come up with a plan. My first option would be Carly’s house, but that was three blocks away. I closed my eyes for a few minutes and forced myself to stand up. It was now or never.
The walk nearly killed me. By the time I had reached Carly’s house, I could barely walk. I rang the doorbell and collapsed on the porch. I didn’t care that I was outside or that I was laying on cement. All I could think about was sleep.
“Will!” Carly’s mom answered the door. She reached down and pulled me to my feet. I leaned on her shoulder and gave her a hug. “Come on, baby.” She kissed my cheek and led me to the couch. I laid on my back on the couch and waited for her to get the first aid kit. We had a routine for these fixer upper jobs. That’s how bad it had gotten at my place.
“Where are you hurt?” She asked when she had returned.
I didn’t say anything, just pointed to my stomach and the corner of my eye, where the glass had cut.
“Here, let’s take your jacket off.” She got to work fixing me up the best she could. I always held her hand when she worked on me...I don’t really know why. It’s not like it hurt or anything. She just always made me feel like a kid again, but in a good way.
“Are you going to stay the night?” She asked.
I shrugged. I wasn’t really sure what I was going to do. “Where’s Carly?” I asked.
“She’s out with friends, you know her.” Mrs. Cosden laughed.
Yeah, I did know her. She was weird like that. She’d freak out if she hadn’t seen her friends in more than two days. “Can I stay?” I asked.
“You can do whatever you need, love.” She pulled a blanket over me and tucked me in like I was two. I gave her another hug before she left. I don’t know why I was like that with her...I guess sometimes I liked to pretend that she was my mom.
I stared up at the hospital ceiling. I wish Mrs. Cosden were here right now. Suddenly, I remembered something. She had taken my jacket when I went over there...that’s why Carly had come over the next day. She was returning my jacket. My throat tightened. I was wrong, it wasn’t Dad’s fault this time. I was the one who left my jacket. Carly died because of me.

CHAPTER TWO

I opened my eyes. The room was dark, so I must have been out for a while. I searched the walls of the room for a clock, but it was too dark to see. I laid my head back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling...something I had been doing a lot of lately. I wished the ceiling had cracks, you know? Something to give it a bit more personality. This ceiling was smooth and white, no cracks and or paint chips. I almost felt bad for the ceiling. It watched so much go on, but it never got to show it. It was forced to remain white and smooth and monotonous.
I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again. I really thought I was losing it, feeling bad for the ceiling and all. I probably should have been more concerned about it than I was at the time. While I was laying in bed, staring at (guess what!) the ceiling, I was kind of thinking how my life would be from now. The nurses didn’t give me any hints on anything. I wasn’t sure if they were still blaming me, or if they had moved on to Dad. I kind of hoped the latter, because I really didn’t want to spend the rest of my teenage years in a juvenile delinquent center. Then I felt bad for hoping that, because my dad really wasn’t that bad of a guy. You just had to approach him right.
The familiar sound of the door brought me out of my thoughts. I turned my head and recognized Jenna.
“Just checking your meds.” She smiled. She whispered and shone a tiny flashlight at the IV, like she was afraid to wake me up even though it was obvious I was already awake. “Having trouble sleeping?” She turned towards me.
I shrugged. “What time is it?” I asked. I really hoped it was almost morning. I didn’t think I could take any more of this laying in bed and staring at the ceiling stuff without actually starting a conversation with the ceiling.
“It is,” She paused, looking down at her watch, “two thirty-seven.”
I let out an overenthusiastic sigh.
“Just try to get some rest, okay?” Jenna left the room, closing the door gently behind her.
Rest? Did she seriously just suggest that I get some rest? I felt tears burning behind my eyes, but I ignored it. Fact about going crazy: You really don’t realize it until after it’s happened. I face planted in my pillow. A sudden wave of guilt washed over me, and it was all I could think about. I couldn’t get Carly’s scream out of my head. I just kept replaying it over and over again. I almost reached for the phone to call her cell again but I stopped myself. I just wanted somebody to be there with me. I would’ve taken anybody, my mom, Mrs. Cosden, even Dad. All I wanted was for someone to sit in the room with me. I didn’t even care if they talked to me or noticed me at all. Hesitantly, I reached for the call light. Can you really trust them? My dad’s voice stopped me. My hand fell back onto the bed and tears ran down my face.
“I’m sorry, Carly.” I whispered. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t there, I felt like she could hear me. I felt like she was watching me this very moment. “I’m so sorry.”
The sound of footsteps surprised me so much that I jerked upright in bed. I was surprised to find that it was light in the room, I must have dosed off after Jenna came in last night. A new nurse perched on the stool in front of the computer and typed in a few things.
“Can I have your name and birthday?” She asked.
“Will Poulter, twelve, thirty-one.” I answered monotonously. I hadn’t fully recovered from last night. The insane feeling that Carly was in the room still hung over me.
“Okay, I’m going to give you this,” She handed me a medicine cup full of pills, “and I think there are some people here to see you.”
I swallowed the pills without even seeing what they were. As soon as I had downed the medicine, Jenna led three people into the room. I glared at Jenna when I saw that two of them were police. I thought I’d made it clear that I was innocent, but apparently not. The third person I didn’t recognize, but her curt nod made my stomach sink...I was really in deep.
“Will, this is Jolene.” Jenna said timidly, gesturing to the lady I had dubbed Snotty Haughty.
“Hello, Will.” Snotty Haugh-Jolene said. She pursed her lips and ran her eyes over me, like she was searching my soul. I felt like I should warn her of some of the stuff she might find in there.
“This is Officer Garret and Officer Thomas.” Jenna continued, pointing to the two police men. They each nodded in my direction and I noticed that they both had two guns and a taser each. It was probably just their usual, but still.
“We’re here to ask you some questions.” Officer Garret stated.
I raised my eyebrow gave him kind of a yeah-I-already-got-that look.
Officer Garret didn’t bat an eye, he just continued on. “Why was Carly at your house the morning of August 12?”
I shrugged. I didn’t really feel like talking about it. I mean, who would? It’s not like you just go up to someone and relive the death of your best friend/sister.
“Cut the attitude, Will. Someone died.” Jolene hissed. I had a vague feeling that she was the social worker that I overheard the nurses talking about.
“I am aware of that.” I snapped. I picked at the fraying edge of the bandage covering the palm of my hand. I tried to block everything out, telling myself that this wasn’t happening. This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. I said it so much that I almost started to believe it until someone spoke again.
“Will, I need to know what Carly was doing at your house.” Officer Garret’s tone was softer, almost like he felt bad for me. I soaked up the sympathy, it wasn’t something that was usually given at my house.
“She was returning my jacket.” I whispered. My voice was hoarse. It felt like I had a clod of dirt in my throat either from whatever tube they had shoved down my throat or from trying not to completely lose it, I couldn’t tell.
Officer Thomas paused from taking notes and rubbed his forehead. That can’t be good. I thought. Something was going on that I didn’t know about, and I didn’t like it. It’s my life, shouldn’t I be the first one to know what’s going on?
“I can arrange something at Sunrise.” Jolene said. I looked from her to Officer Garret. Neither of them gave me any clue on what was going on.
“What’s Sunrise?” I asked. I had a sinking feeling that I already knew what it was, but I could only hope that I was wrong.
“Sunrise is a children’s home. It’s a lovely organization where you will be living with other children and will have the opportunity to move in with a foster family.” Jolene said. Her face showed absolutely no emotion, which ticked me off. Couldn’t she at least pretend to care?
“What, did you just memorize the pamphlet or something?” I hissed. I could feel rage boiling up inside me, threatening to break through. I was like a pressure cooker, building up until I couldn’t hold anymore, then blowing up and breaking everything in my path.
Jolene sighed. “Will-”
I cut her off. “I want to live with Mom.” I blurted out. I knew she didn’t have custody of me anymore because apparently being irresponsible is a crime. I already knew what her answer would be, I really had no reason to even ask.
“You know that isn’t an option.” Jolene said. Her tone was stern, like she was warning me not to push her any further.
I punched the bed and closed my eyes when the searing pain tore through my arm. I punched the bed again, this time the pain almost bad enough to make me scream. I knew it was stupid of me to be throwing a fit like this, but I was done. I was done with everything. Done with having to deal with Dad, and done with having to hide what I really felt.
“Try to take a deep breath, Will.” Jenna instructed. She looked genuinely concerned, I’ll give her that. Still though, I was going through so much and all she could suggest was to take a deep breath?
“Get out!” I screamed to no one in particular. I didn’t know who or what I was telling to get out, I just wanted it gone.
Jolene didn’t even look phased by my sudden outburst. She walked out the door and motioned for the others to follow her. I didn’t feel any better once they had left. At first I thought I was angry at them, but they were gone and I still felt this horrible rage bubbling up inside of me. I wanted to hurt someone. No, I wanted to kill someone. I didn’t know who, just that I wanted it so bad. I wanted them to scream and beg for me to stop, just like I had to my dad. Then I wanted to smile and end their miserable life.
Imagining that scared me to death. It wasn’t who I was...I was a good person, really. I just sat there in the hospital bed trying to convince myself that I was good. I tried to come up with nice things I’d done for people, but I couldn’t. All I had ever done was hurt people. Not on purpose...not usually, anyway.
I wanted Mom to be here. She always knew what to do when I felt like this. I missed her so much, even though we never were that close. I wanted her right here, right now. I wanted her to sit by my bed and hold my hand and tell me that she loved me...not that she’d ever said that to me. I didn’t care that she had a new boyfriend every week. I didn’t care that she’d lie her way out of everything. I didn’t care about any of that, I just wanted her to be here with me. For some reason, deep down, I felt like she wanted to be here too. I wondered if she even knew I was in the hospital...if she did know, would she call? Would she be aloud to visit? I shook my head. It was no use hoping for things that were impossible.
Beep...beep... I glared at the IV pump. The noise was going to drive me crazy, but I didn’t feel like talking to the nurse I’d just screamed at. After a few more minutes of threatening the IV pump, I tentatively reached for the call light. A short while later, Jenna poked her head through the door.
“Hey.” She whispered, looking a little afraid that I might go all ballistic on her again. I know it sounds crazy, but I kind of liked the fact that she was afraid of me. Like somehow she could finally realize what my life was like.
“It’s beeping again,” I said, gesturing awkwardly with my taped hand towards the IV pump.
“Yeah, looks like you need a new fluid, but I think you’re going to be leaving here in a bit.” Her hand flew over her mouth, like that was some secret she wasn’t supposed to tell me.
“Leaving...where?” I asked, trying not to get upset. I’d already put this poor nurse through enough, the least I could do was make the discharge easy.
Jenna sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. “Jolene is going to take you to Sunrise.”
Sunrise? Yes, I’ve always wanted to go live in a houseful of unwanted kids! I can’t believe Jolene would be so kind and thoughtful to leave it as a surprise for me.
Out loud, all that came out was “Oh.”
Half an hour later, I was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed. Jenna took the IV out, but my left hand still had a wad of bandages on it. I was busy not listening to Jolene going over all the rules and simply lovely things about Sunrise.
“Will?” Jolene’s voice snapped me out of my daze. I looked up to see her standing in the doorway.
“It’ll be okay,” Jenna smiled.
I wished I could believe her.



CHAPTER THREE

The sickly sweet air freshener (or the fact that I was on my way to Sunrise, it really could be either) made me feel like I was going to be sick. I leaned my face against the frosty glass of the car window to try to calm down. There was no use in being nervous, it’s not like I could just jump out of the car.... I checked the door. It was locked. Nope, not like I could just jump out of the car.
I sighed and checked the clock for the seventeenth time. I only had twenty minutes to decide how I would be playing this out. I contemplated what the results would be if I would act depressed and unresponsive...they might put me on medicine. That was out of the options. Looked like all I had left was to ignore everything, which is what I usually did. Ignore the world and everything that’s wrong in it, ignore what’s going on in life, ignore everyone else around you. It was a fine way to live, unless you were some social freak.
“Doing okay?” Jolene asked, glancing back at me in the rearview mirror.
I almost asked her to define “okay”, but decided that would show that I definatly was not okay. In the end, I just nodded and continued staring out the window. Nineteen minutes and forty-three seconds later we were pulling into a circular gravel driveway. The house was a two story white farm house. It was kind of out in the middle of nowhere...I guess for privacy or whatever.
I almost choked when I saw the sign in the grassy area in the middle of the driveway. In bright red cursive letters, it said “Sunrise Children’s Home”. That didn’t bother me too much...well okay, it bothered me a little. Clearly, whoever founded this place had no sense of creativity. Seriously though, Sunrise Children’s Home? So cliche.
What really bothered me was the tiny sentence underneath it. It said, “We give children sunny hope for the future!” The cheesiness of it made me sick enough, but the most disturbing part was that they didn’t think we had a future without them. I had plenty of a future, and I was determined to make this place have nothing to do with it.
I got out of the car and glared at the sign. The first chance I got, I was destroying that thing. I had a wonderful vision of yanking it out of the ground, burning it, and then burying the ashes.
“Coming?” Jolene’s voice brought me out of the dream. I followed her up to the front door of the house. I walked as slowly as possible, like maybe in a few seconds some random bolt of lightening would strike the house and prevent me from having to live there. I looked up at the sky; it couldn’t be any bluer.
Jolene had just reached for the doorbell when someone opened the door. I found it a bit disturbing that someone was waiting on me...I guess they didn’t get newcomers very often.
“Hello?” The young woman answered the door. I thought I’d call her Nervnaya, which is Russian for nervous, because it reminded me of Nirvana, my mom’s favorite band when she was a kid and...well, she was nervous. I mean, I’d only been around her for like ten seconds and I was already picking up on her nervousness. She’d tucked her nonexistent loose strand of hair behind her ear about three times already, and she kept wiping her sweaty hands on her pants. Yup, Nervnaya would fit her perfectly.
“This is Will. I talked to you about letting him stay here?” Jolene said. She still hadn’t taken her sunglasses off from driving and I imagine that she was an FBI agent and that I was going in undercover to see what life at Sunrise was really like.
“Of course! Are you going to stay a while?” Nervnaya said. I thought she looked like she really didn’t want Jolene to stay a while, which only reinforced my FBI imagining.
“No, I’ve got to head on back.” Jolene said. To be honest, she almost looked relieved that she couldn’t stay. It made me wonder how bad this place really was.
“All right, I’ll just go ahead and show him around!” Nervnaya said a bit too enthusiastically. “For starters, my name is Callie.” Callie stuck out her hand.
I didn’t want to shake her hand, but I shook it anyway because I didn’t want her to think that I was rude. I couldn’t help being a little disappointed that Callie told me her name though. I really wanted to keep calling her Nervnaya.
“This is the front room.” Callie said as soon as we walked into the house. I wished the rooms would have more creative names...I wonder if any of the other kids thought of that or if it was just me. About half a dozen kids sat in the front room watching a movie. A few glanced in my direction, but most of them seemed uninterested. “...the dining room, and upstairs are the bedrooms.” Callie droned on. I wasn’t paying attention. I was currently occupied by a staring contest with one of the girls not-watching the movie. She wasn’t backing down...
“Everyone, this is Will.” Callie’s introduction made me blink and the girl smirked.
“Hi, Will.” Everyone said in a monotone voice. They didn’t look away from the TV screen, except the girl who was staring at me.
“Hi, Everyone.” I returned in an equally monotone voice. Callie had left me to fend for myself, so I walked into the circle of couches. All of the seats were taken up, so I sat on the floor and leaned up against the wall. I continued my FBI dream. My first negative report would be inadequate entertainment. The kids who weren’t sleeping were watching some animated Disney movie. There wasn’t any blood, so I wasn’t interested.
“Move over so he can sit on the couch.” Staring-Contest-Girl said to a guy sitting next to her. Staring-Contest-Girl looked a little older than me, maybe around sixteen. She had burgundy hair, which, to my surprise, didn’t look that bad. Her eyes were grey blue, but I couldn’t tell if the blue was from contacts or not from my distance.
“He doesn’t care, Rae.” The guy sitting next to her said. He looked closer to my age, though not nearly as tall. Why, dad, did you have to be 6’6? My mom called it the Poulter Curse, because every single guy in our family was a Sasquatch.
“Hi, tall boy.” A little squeaky voice confirmed my fears. It was a girl who looked around seven. She had crazy red hair curling up around her big blue eyes.
“Hey, redhead.” I returned. She knew I was joking, because she immediately grinned and sat down next to me. I smiled back at her. Finally, I thought, a glimpse of normalcy in my chaotic life.
“My mommy’s in jail.”
Never mind. I sighed and leaned my head back against the wall, staring at the ceiling. On the positive side of my report to the FBI, I was going to compliment the ceiling. It was full of water stains, cracks, and chips in the paint. It had strong personality. My concern for my sanity grew a little...do normal people describe a ceiling with personality? Of course. I told myself.
“Is your mommy in jail?” She asked, scooting closer towards me.
“Not that I know of.” I said. I actually was pretty sure that she wasn’t in jail, but I hadn’t talked to her in like two years, so I couldn’t be positive.
“Is your da-”
“Leave him alone, Peachy!” Rae shouted. She got up off of the couch and sat on my other side.
I wondered if the couches were that uncomfortable, or if I looked really hot at the moment, because Rae’s (I’m assuming) friend followed her and sat on the floor with me too. I hoped it was the latter, but I doubted it. So I was kind of just sitting in this group of girls and I was starting to feel really awkward when Peachy broke the silence.
“Do you have a girlfriend?” She asked. Of all the questions, that’s what she had to ask.
“No?” Of all the answers, that’s the one that I had to give. I felt heat creeping up my face from my neck and tried to will it to go down...it got worse.
“You’re blushing.” Rae giggled and poked my side.
I bit my tongue to keep from screaming. She kind of poked my fractured ribs and it really hurt. So there I was, sitting in a group full of flirty girls and one innocent seven year old, trying not to cry. It was a very unfortunate situation, because as hard as I tried not to, I felt my eyes water when I wheezed out an “Ow.”
“Okay...I didn’t poke you that hard.” Rae looked a little mad, like it was my fault that I was in pain.
“Fractured ribs.” I choked and pointed to where she’d poked me. The pain was fading from Oh-My-God-There’s-A-Knife-In-My-Side to Ow-Someone-Just-Punched-Me.
“What, dad used you for a punching bag?” Rae snorted. She said it like a joke, but I thought she was being sarcastic, so I answered honestly.
“Something like that.” I said. Her face fell and I felt stupid for not realizing that she was kidding. “I mean...not-”
“No, it’s my fault. Sorry.” She apologized.
I picked at the edge of my bandage again and really wished that I could take it off. It itched like crazy, not to mention it weighed like three pounds. I thought that since it was so heavy one of my arms might be longer than the other, so I stretched both of them out.
“What are you doing?” Peachy asked.
I was suddenly acutely aware of all the females surrounding me and of how dumb I must have looked checking to see if one of my arms was longer than the other. “Uh...”
“Seriously, what were you doing?” It was Rae this time, looking at me like I was insane. I probably was, but whatever. The point is, she was making me feel uncomfortable.
“I was...uh...checking to see if one of my arms was longer?” I felt heat creeping up my neck again, and cursed my blonde hair and fare skin.
“And your observations?” Rae raised an eyebrow, but she couldn’t hide that she was smiling.
“There um...equal.” I said, staring down at the floor. Whenever I got the chance to write that report, I decided to add in that the vacuum needed to be ran more frequently. The carpet was seriously dirty, and that’s coming from a guy who lived with his single (well...single every other week) dad for a couple years.
“Well, that’s a relief.” Rae’s friend (who I had named Zak short for Zakleszczony which is Polish for “stuck up”) smirked. She rolled her eyes at Rae and mouthed “weirdo.” Like I said...zakleszczony.
After a few minutes of very awkward silence, Peachy decided to continue her inquisition. “Do you like food?” She asked, cupping her face in her hands the way little kids do when they’re trying to be cute. It was kind of annoying, but what the heck? The kid’s parents were in jail, so I just decided to go with it.
“I do.” I said, nodding like I was in deep thought. “How about you?”
“I only like food with sugar in it.” She said. She nodded like how I did and I tried really hard not to smile.
“Peachy, all food has sugar in it.” Rae said. She looked up at me and gave me a Can-You-Believe-This-Kid kind of a look.
“Liar! Broccoli doesn’t have sugar!” Peachy shouted and jumped to her feet, pointing an accusing finger at Rae. Rae sighed and rolled her eyes at me.
“Well, technically...” I trailed off after seeing Peachy’s face fall. “Maybe you should just say you like deserts?” I suggested. She seemed satisfied with that suggestion.
“I love kids, they’re so cute.” Rae smiled and looked at me like she expected me to say something. I hoped she wasn’t disappointed, because nothing came out. I was wondering if she really did like kids, because a few minutes ago she was telling Peachy to shut up. Then again, why would she say she liked kids if she didn’t? Humans are so confusing. I thought to myself. While I was contemplating Rae’s motive by saying that she liked kids when it seemed like she didn’t, Nervnaya (I really needed to start calling her Callie) walked into the room and announced that it was time for dinner.
I stood against the wall and waited while everyone shuffled into the dining room. Peachy waited for me, which made me feel good even though she was only seven. It was kind of a Carly thing to do, and while it made me sad to think about her, I was happy to see that there really were some other good people in the world...even if they were seven year old redheads in foster care.
Dinner wasn’t too bad. Peachy had insisted on sitting next to me and complained the whole time about how frozen pizza didn’t have any sugar in it. I didn’t say much throughout the meal, partly because I was exhausted, but mostly because I was shocked. I never would have thought that I would end up in foster care. I don’t know why it had never crossed my mind, things were definatly bad enough at home. As weird as it seems, I was homesick. It seems crazy that I would ever miss home or my dad, but at that moment I missed them a lot.
After I had finished crunching (like I said, frozen) up my last bite of pizza, I asked what we were supposed to do with the plates.
“You’re supposed to save them. We use them as pillows at night.” The guy sitting next to Rae laughed.
“Conner,” Rae scolded. “Just throw it away.” She said, turning toward me.
I was about ready to explain that I’d only been here for an hour and didn’t know where the trashcan was, but Peachy saved me. “I’ll take it.” She smiled sweetly. I owed her big time.
I sat in my chair and stared down at my lap for what seemed like an eternity. I was picking at the edge of my bandage again. I peeled it back a tiny bit and almost gagged at the wrinkled leathery skin. There was pus oozing from the edges and the whole palm of my hand had a weird purply tint to it. Covering my hand back up, I sighed. I’d never really thought of myself as an attractive guy, but now there was no way any girl in her right mind would want to hold that hand.
When I looked up again I realized that most of the kids had left the table. I couldn’t help feeling a bit hurt, especially since Rae somewhat knew me. I guess I just thought that they would be more understanding since they could probably relate to what I was going through. Maybe it wasn’t they’re fault. Maybe it was me. Maybe the reason no one wanted to be around me was because I was just like my dad. I was a murderer.
I rolled my eyes and got up from my chair. How could my mind have wondered there again? Everyone knew that I was innocent. I tried hard not to think about it, but the little voice kept come back. This is all your fault. You’re a murderer.