Humpty Dumpty - The Conspiracy

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again"

at least that's been the prevailing theory...

The name's Dumpty. As in Sam Dumpty. Formerly known as eldest brother to the now dearly departed (God rest his yolk) Humpty.

This is my story. It was a conspiracy, plain and simple. See, my brother married a gal named Sally, previously known as Sally Bodacious. She was a classy dame, with eyes that could burn right through ya and curves in all the right places, if ya know what I mean. Never could understand what she saw in my brother. Except that he had money, and lots of it. Everyone knew that the king had eyes for Sally. The way I see it, the king and Sally set the whole thing up. The king told Humpty he'd make him a knight. All he had to do was sit on a wall. Now everyone knows that the top of a wall is no place for an egg. But up went Humpty anyway. Never had a brain in his shell. Anyway, there he was, sitting on that godforsaken wall whistling some long forgotten tune when suddenly, inexplicably, he rolls right off. It's my solemn belief that he was pushed! In any case, there he lay, scrambled, and not for eating, an egg's worst nightmare! Before long who should become the new lady at the palace but Sally Dumpty, which was no surprise to me. A rumor had been making the rounds that the king's fortune had dwindled to next to nothing due to a series of unfortunate events, and it wasn't long before his coffers began filling up with big bucks! Wonder where that came from? I had my suspicions. As it turned out, if Sally had any delusions of grandeur they were short-lived. It wasn't long after that she ended up poached. Such is the life of an egg. One day you're living it up, the next day you're poached! Or fried, or scrambled, or deviled, whatever the heck that is, or maybe they change your name to Benedict!

Anyway, that's my take on the whole Humpty ordeal. A conspiracy I tell ya!

Detective Sam Dumpty, signing off.


* for the What a Character contest. word count 381