I'll never know

I'll never know just when it began,
it just kept on slipping right through my hands,
I tried to hold on, but like clutching dry sand,
the harder I tried the faster it ran.

Now alone, here I stand, cold and vicious, arguably damned...

So I have been cutting strings, one at a time,
to everyone and everything I have ever loved in this life.

I've been shutting every door to my mind,
closing the shutters and and pulling the blinds
over the windows lest any one find what I've become
sense my innocence died.

Please don't ask me how or why, because I don't want to lie,
or have to relive the lost battles of my long losing fight.
All that matters is that the end is in sight.

I won't have to suffer more sleepless nights,
or have to wonder why I have always pulled under
the people I love as I have recklessly blundered
through my sad wicked life.

I can't seem to tell the difference between an enemy and a brother,
the love of my life, or my witch of a mother...

With a broken heart, and a soul torn asunder, by other broken beings
in a past filled with those who've suffered, it is within my grasp,
still within my control, to end this curse,
and make sure that I am the last of those it drags below.