Dangerous Data

When I finished my meal and Ben's portion, I placed the two plates and the utensils in the sink. I then made my way to the computer room...Man, I wish we had a better name for that awesome place. As I knocked on the door I heard his muffled voice, "You don't have to knock, you know."

I opened it and talked while doing so, "I know, I was just being polite...Jeez..." While I was walking in, I saw him tinkering with my computer once more. He was literally tinkering with it this time, since parts were scattered everywhere. "What are you doing?"

"Adding a SIM card to this so we don't need Wi-Fi."

"It didn't need Wi-Fi before..."

"Yeah because it was on the government's SIM card. This wou---

"Won't they notice?" I cut him off.

"Let me finish, drop out," Why must he say that every time I jump to a conclusion? "It's my buddy's special SIM card. It's---

"What can be so special about it?"

He looked up at me as he grabbed another part to screw in, "Again, drop out. Listen. It's special because it's only trackable by him. He also uses the Blue Dragon software I was telling you about."

"How can you be so sure we can trust him?"

"Because he's my brother, okay? I know you're an only child, but---

"Brother or not, he can fuck us over!"

He chuckled as he put the backing back on the laptop, "Not him...we had a deal. If he fucks with me, he would be killed."

I obviously didn't believe him and let out a laugh, "You're kidding..."

He glanced up to me with a face I would never forget. It was a face of pure seriousness. Then I realized, he didn't curse much. I guess I should take this with more maturity.

"Okay!" Ben averted his gaze back to the Mac and his tone changed like none of that just happened. "Now we can play hide and go seek with Dad and the big guys at Washington."

He didn't mean..."You mean...we're gonna run away?"

"Well yeah, we can't stay here."

"What do I tell my mother?!"

Ben stood up with the laptop in tow, "You don't have to tell her anything. You're an adult now, no?"

"Yeah, but shouldn't I at least say goodbye?" He walked to the door and had his hand his hand on the knob. I followed him with my body.

"Goodbyes are too complicated at this point, Dakota." He opened the door and walked through to the hallway and turned to me, "She's going to ask why and do you have an answer for her?"

For once, I agreed with him....vocally, "I guess you're right." I lowered my head. I left my mother for trips with my dad and school trips, but nothing like this has been done. Then I got worried, "But what about---

"Your stuff?"

"Ye-yeah." It's like he could read my mind, I swear.

"We'll get new stuff," He shrugged, "Besides, it's not like she'll throw out her only daughter's things because she went out with some neighbor."

"But what am I supposed to wear?"

"My old stuff that doesn't fit me anymore. I'm sure it'll fit you." He turned and began to head to the living room.

I followed him unconvinced and unsettled, "So when are we heading out?"

"As soon as you shower and get dressed. So, don't follow me because I'm just getting your clothes. Just jump in the shower."

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned into the bathroom, I bet he was telling Karen to leave too. No, he would have done that while I was still sleeping. Why was I so green with envy? This is why I couldn't get with a guy. I always had gotten too possessive even when we weren't even like that. It was just a switch that I couldn't turn off....or a switch that I didn't want to turn off. I don't know. I sighed melodramatically as I let the water hit my naked body in the shower. As I lathered my hair with men's shampoo, the worst kind of shampoo, I was contemplating the fact I was leaving my comfortable life for the unknown....the scary world every teacher warns you about so you stay in school. A warning I did not heed to, unfortunately. Anyway, leaving the womb...as a TV preacher says....is definitely frightening but you got to do it one day, right? Right. "Yeah....it's all part of growing up, Dakota....All part of....growing up...." I told myself with a false confidence. I felt the lies spew from my mouth from the inner Satan in my soul. It was that gross guilt you get when you lie to your beloved....or to your parents....or to yourself. "I don't want to grow up....." I began to rock back and forth with some soap still in my hair and began to repeat that phrase, "I don't want to grow up...."

To say I was scared to start my life as an adult would have been an understatement, to be earnest with you. I believe it all started when they forced going to college down my throat at preschool that I despised the terms 'getting older' and 'growing up'. I wanted to do those things, however, but only because of the things you can do as an adult like drinking, driving, going to parties without parents, you know? Now as a legal adult, I barely do those things...I did most of that crap as a teenager...not the driving though. I never learned how to drive. As I was washing the rest of my okay-looking body, I remembered my little realization that I had when I was about sixteen. It was: The terms 'getting older' and 'growing up' mean the same thing but one has a different connotation than the other. Think about it. It's true, though. It's funny how I can come up with things like that, but not complete high school.

I then got out of the shower more depressed than I was before I got in. That's not right, I thought, showers are supposed to help your mood. I guess it's not a cure-all all the time. Wrapped in a nearby towel I walked out to see Ben in the living room with my apparent clothes draped over the sofa he was sitting on. He was facing with his back towards me, but must have heard me saunter to him as he spoke, "Like to take long showers, eh?"

How long was I in there for? And why does he care? "Sorry, Benjamin," I dumbly pointed to the clothes even though he wasn't facing me, "Are those my clothes?"

"Indeed they are....and I told you to call me Ben."

I grabbed the clothes with my free hand and began to walk into the bedroom I slept in last night, "But that's when you were all murdery, remember? Well I'm gonna get dressed in that bedroom over there; no peeking!"

"Wasn't planning on it, Dakota. And you mean the guest room?"

That was the guest room? Holy sweet mother of Jesus! "Okay, see you in a bit."

***

As I was now adorned in a vintage t-shirt and cargo shorts that oddly fit me well, I walked out and saw Ben standing around with the laptop tucked under his left arm and twirling the car keys with his right hand. He saw me and said, "Told you they would fit," I then walked up to him while noticing that those keys weren't for an automated vehicle.

"You still have a drivable car?" I asked as I cocked my head to the side slightly to the left in interest.

"Well, yeah. Not everyone wants the other kind. Besides...we don't really know where we're going, right?"

I averted my sight to the ground; he was right. "I...I guess so."

"Exactly, drop out. Now let's go," Ben then walked passed me to the front door to unlock and open it. Man, was it bright out....just like yesterday.

I hesitated to walk out the door but as I reluctantly did, it felt nice to breathe in fresh air again. Regardless of the circumstances, it was nice to be out. I stupidly looked at my house one last time as we were walking to Ben's car and as I was opening the passenger door, I noticed my mother was at work. At least, the car she owned wasn't in the driveway and she usually had work on Thursdays. I just stood there, ignoring the fact that I was idly standing there like I was waiting for a bus. I just was staring at the house and remembering every memory I had there. It wasn't my childhood house, but my teenage house...as I liked to call it because I went through my teenage years in there. I would be leaving it....forever? As that Outkast song says, "Forever--ever?" I then shook my head and swiftly went inside the car and slammed the door shut and fussed with seatbelt until it clicked and fiercely said, "Let's go."

With his seatbelt already on and the car already in the forward position, he looked at me up and down and replied in the sweetest voice that never sounded so mean and patronizing, "Dakota, you're crying...."

I didn't care! "Shut up, mind your own business, and drive!!" I was so angry and I haven't felt this kind of anger in years. I vowed to never feel anger ever again when I was in my tween years. It was such a waste of energy to me, but now I knew why people had gotten bitter over things. Life sucks. As he pulled out the driveway, I looked at my house one last time and let one tear fall from my flushed face. I gritted my teeth and looked forward but not at anything in particular while sniffling.

'Ready or not...here I come!' as my therapist told me to say to my anxiety. Ready or not....definitely not...here life came...at full force.