Monologue Introduction..?

On the moment, I'm trying to not to care about surroundings. Everything that happens around me. All events that happened are all mostly won't be remembered anymore, but some events are kept inside this heart.



There it is, myself again. I tried to speak to him, but I still couldn't understand what is he trying to talk about. The only things that I only can do to know about him is to write something on top of a paper, a page of a document if I'm on my laptop. Papers that have been written will be thrown to the bin and pages that also have been typed will be unsaved or deleted. It''s like... Trying to throw all the pain inside, the most annoying things inside, all bad things, sad things, mostly all that came from him. I'm sick of it but he keep trying until somebody beside him.



Being a two side person is like... Having two personality at the same time or maybe even two souls on one body. There's a moment I like to do kind of stupid things, crazy, fun, even I'd end laughing with friends. On the other moment, it comes very different. Honestly, I doubt it's not only me that having this. It just everyone have their time to control their emotion when will they smile or sad, where should they do crazy things or being alone, what to do for a productive day or lazy day, anything. Anyone could've this kind of personality. However, I feel like it's quite different. Me and him is like..... A total honest person. If we sad, we told them that we sad or we give them reaction that were sad. If we crazy, we just do crazy things and let people call us insane. These two things come sequentially one and another in mostly close time. Another thing that we discovered from that, people didn't get it what's my purpose. Well... I haven't found any purpose from now, just doing my hobby like reading, drawing, singing, writing, playing. In fact, I mostly playing instead of the others. Drawing is the second, eventhough I just started it a months ago. Writing? Well, that's when he goes again.



As a highschool student, I mostly counted as normal-but-also-weird student where the cause is that personality. I mostly honest but I also hide a huge lie because I thought that's what people do. Sometime lie sometimes honest. People also won't notice the lie if it has proof, but some will able to find it. Eventhough being weird for honest is really uncomfortable, I also like to being weird so people know that I''m unique on my way, won't be as monotone as others. I also, a Japan lover or what, but I actually like Oriental for no reasons. Basically, it's Japan because of their anime and my drawing is mostly manga. I don't really care about Korean and Chinese until last year I started to hear their music and comics. So far I like one of Korean comic, Annarasumanara. However, that's not because I found it by myself by surfing, but my crush recommended me to read it. Yes, a crush. Who in the highschool didn't want to have a lover unless a nerd. It also can be that they're a gentleman, but I'm not one of them yet, not the time yet. I also still act like a kid anyway to continue my fan story of a game, I can't leave them yet, but I also have to adapt with my social life.



People may think I'm a nerd, usually they also called me as a cold person. I have this reason also because of him and a trauma. However, I'm also called as the warmest person, maybe only for some time. It's all depends on what happened on me and them, I usually nice when on friend, but cold on acquaintance. We often called acquaintance instead of friend for classmates because we never get to know them. It's even awkward when they have few friends that always had a chat on social media instead of me being added by everyone and rarely talk to them. Yes, I can't start a conservation to a friend too. I usually start with the person I close into for example, crush. Ex also counted if she's online. Anti mainstream right? I'm trying to break the partnering promises over us but I just can't because it's like breaking promises and I mostly hate to break people promises, eventhough... I accidentaly do it mostly due to easily forgot. Yes, I can't think much but I learn much. It's like my brain memory is on their limit and I've to throw piece of junk just to input a new memory.



I guess... That's all about me. I maybe couldn't add more since this is a static item. I appreciate all person around here. Hopefully there's people who I can talk in the topic, maybe mostly in Touhou? I currently play Touhou, Dark Souls, and MHFU&MHP3rd. I already bought MH4U but I remembered that my 3DS is Japan region. Just some anime and gaming.

Yes... I guess that's really all....



Thanks! ^^