Spinning Blades

"That's just about enough" thought Jake leaving the naked, soil covered Darla behind. He could listen to no more of her ranting. And she was still going on as he was doing his damnedest to get out of ear shot.

Just as Jake was rounding the corner of the garage heading back to his own house he came face to face with the other member of this whacked out duo he now hesitantly called neighbors, Dave.

Dave the eccentric butcher was just standing there juggling of all things, three wicked looking knives. "Hey Jake, where you heading off so fast" he inquired?

Uh, just came over looking for you buddy" Jake lied.

"So you've been out back hanging out with my better half then?"

Jake listened to the "SWISH, SWISH, SWISH" of those spinning blades cutting air as Dave continued. "You know, if I were a jealous man there's no way I could let you leave here alive...or in one piece." His grin was malicious.

Thinking fast he replied. "Dave, no need for that kind of talk. I didn't know she was going to be out back there nude, bathing in whatever that goo is in that hot tub. I just kinda stumbled upon her that way. Nothing happened, really."

"No worries Jake. I just told you I'm not the jealous type" as those spinning blades told a different story. "So you two were getting acquainted?"

"Dave I know I haven't known you long but I have to tell you I don't think your wife is all there" he said as he pointed to his right ear rotating his index finger in slow circles while whistling "WooHoo" in the universal "KooKoo" gesture. "I mean she said some crap that didn't make a lot of sense. And how can you let her bathe in that rubbish? She's going to end up catching some shit you won't be able to wash off."

"Whoa Jake, your right, you haven't known me long enough to talk about my crazy lady like that." as the spinning blades went faster and the swishing got louder. Besides, what did she say that has you so spooked? Bet she gave you her "I'm over seventy years old" line, didn't she?" The swishing sounds punctuated his questions.

Dave continued, "That bath of hers looks disgusting but I've added enough antiseptics and antibacterial solutions to it there isn't anything growing in it. It's probably why she feels so young when she's done because she's getting chemical peel while she's in there. Hell there's so much stuff in there I won't let her in the bed until she's showered. The chemicals would probably eat holes through our bed if she didn't." SWISH, SWISH, SWISH went the knives.

"I hope your right about that bath because it looks nasty. Yeah, she did tell me about her age but I knew that was a bunch of BS. But Dave, she's back there calling you a stooge and coming onto me like nobody's business. I had to get out of there fast because I don't want no trouble with you man." Jake was hoping to cool things down enough to get Dave to put those damn knives away.

It wasn't working. Dave only changed his juggling routine from front twirls to front to back and over the shoulder tosses. "I'll give you some credit there Jake, you're a smart man for running instead of trying to pull that tigers tail. She'd have ripped you a new one and I'd get stuck with the cleanup. Hell, there was one fellow that tried to have his way with her and she literally handed me his balls, like she expected me to go fix him up. I had to let him bleed out because I slice things off, I don't know how to do any mending. So you see, Darla is a little unbalanced but that's part of what makes her so attractive to me. I don't know how things work in your house Jake but here, I'm king of my realm. I'm no stooge. I just know how to keep my woman balanced on a knife edge. As the saying goes, "Happy wife happy life" but, that's also why I can't have you upsetting the apple cart. If she teeters too far one way or the other then there will be all hell to pay. When that happens, someone else is paying the price, not me." As Dave finished his lecture he let each knife go high in the air with an over the shoulder toss that had all three knives pierce the ground right in between Jake's feet With a THUNK, THUNK, THUNK one after the other. The grouping was impressive.

Jake took a deep breath and then let out a low whistle. Okay Dave, I got your meaning. You have to know I wasn't trying to create any problems here today. So if you don't mind I'll be heading out now?"

"Sure, sure" said Dave as he bent over and plucked his knives out of the dirt one by one.

Just as Jake thought he was making a clean break Darla stepped out from around the corner of the garage still naked as a Jay bird. "Dave your home" she exclaimed and ran straight up to him and threw her arms around him heedless of the knives in his hands.

"OH great" thought Jake "just when I thought I was going to make it out alive." All the while he was admiring Darla's bare ass.

As Dave disentangled himself from Darla's grasp he said, "Darling come on now, your embarrassing Jake. Go run and take a shower and put some clothes on will you?"

Pouting and standing there like she was fully clothed she responded, Oh, alright, if I must. But while I'm gone why don't you see if you can get Jake to stay for dinner?" Then she walked away as both men watched her go.

"Jake go ahead and git, whatever she's cooking up for tonight you don't want. You seem to have had enough pain for one day."