Santa: The "Ho Ho Ho" You Didn't Know.

Everyone knows Santa, that Jolly Old Elf.  Few know the Santa you don’t want to see coming down your chimney.  Young Santa Claus was in fact a very well to do toy maker.  So great were his skills that he sold more toys than all of the other toy makers put together.  Unfortunately, he had one character flaw.  He liked to spend time with female companions of low moral turpitude.  When he walked around the village shouting “Ho Ho Ho”, it wasn’t so much about jolly laughter as about the kind of lady friends he was on the prowl to find.

Needless to say, this caused embarrassing moments in the village where he lived.  Many a mother heard her child ask “Mommy, what’s Mr. Claus doing at Cousin Annabelle’s house?”

Mom, of course, would try to change the subject by answering “Oh, he’s just bringing her a little present.  Keep walking and don’t stare.”

Santa not only made lots of toys, he made lots, and lots, of young little Santas, and not just in his village.    He was well known in all of the villages both far and wide.  Lucky for him the toy business was so good.

One day everything changed.  He met the future Mrs. Claus.  It was love at first sight.  From then on he was a one woman man.  It’s amazing what true love did, helped along in no small part by Mrs. Claus’ deadly skill with a rolling pin.  Mrs. Claus started to dress old Santa from head to toe in red to remind him of what he would look like when she got through with him should he ever philander again. 

There were, of course, quite a few loose ends to take care of.  As far as Mrs. Claus was concerned, Santa owed every one of his wild oats a birthday present each and every year. 

“But dear,” said Santa, “I have no idea how many there are, what their names are, or where they live.  I can’t even start to guess when their birthdays are.”

“Tough luck Santa.  One day a year you’ll give every child a present in all of the villages you used to visit.”                             

“We’ll go broke!”

“You should have thought of that when you were so generous with your time before we got married.”

So once a year Santa brought toys to all the children far and wide.  (He picked December 25th because it was close to the end of the year and his accountants wrote off the loss for his toy business.)  Santa didn’t go broke.  Parents everywhere started buying toys from Santa to give as presents on Christmas.  Santa couldn’t hire help fast enough.  He even hired people with funny looking ears who couldn’t get jobs anywhere else.

That’s the real story of Santa.  Just do yourself a favor.  If your children want to know why Santa brings toys, just say “Go ask Dad.”