The Coma

The Wake Up

The first thing I see when I wake up is a plain white ceiling that I know isn't mine. I hear voices talking, and a steady beeping to my side, but I can't summon the energy to turn my head to see what it is. Someone walks over to me and looks at my face, she smiles at me. My eyes feel heavy, they close and I fall back to sleep.

I wake up again. This time I hear different voices talking to each other, they sound familiar. I try to sit up, my muscles twitch but they don't respond the way I want them to. This time I am at least able to turn my head and look to the side to see if I can see who is there. As I turn my face their talking fades out. One of them rises and walks over to me, I see her face, my mother. Her face is one that I will always recognize and yet something seems a little different. Is there an extra wrinkle on her forehead, a spot more of grey in her hair?

"Danny," she says as she takes a hold of my hand with a smile on her face and a tear swelling up in her eye, "I'm so glad you're awake." She reaches to the side of my bed and pushes a button that causes the top half of my bed to rise so that I am sitting up.

"Hello mum." I say, or at least I try to say, but barely a noise comes out of my mouth. My tongue feels twisted, dry, and weak.  I wonder to myself how long have I been out for? As the bed puts me in a sitting position I look around to see who else is there. My dad and my little sister, Claire, are there. My dad is smiling at me while clutching my little sister's hand, his well toned body has seen better days, his belly has gained a few inches, and his hair looks like as if a bald patch is forming. My little sister doesn't look as little as she's meant to. Her hair that barely went past her eyes now is now half way down her back, the baby fat on her has face totally gone, and she looks like she has grown a foot and a half. The last time I saw Claire she was 13, she looks quite grown now.

My eyes widen in shock at the different appearances of the once familiar faces. I'm baffled as to what is going on, I think perhaps this is a dream that I will soon wake up from, after all, they say you can't feel pain when you're in a dream, and I can't feel very much of anything. I can't take it, my mind can't comprehend what is going on and so it shuts down, and again my eyes close.

My eyes open again. It's just my mother here now. I can still see the wrinkles and the greys in her hair. I guess it wasn't a dream. I feel a little stronger than I did the last time I awoke. I manage to say "mum" although quietly. She rises off of her chair and grasps my hand and talks to me. She tells me that I've been in a coma for six years. That explains the lack of response from my muscles and the changes I can see in my family.

6 years, that's such a long time, I wonder what I've missed. I was 17 when I fell into the coma, so I guess that makes me 23 now.  I still feel like a college kid, but I guess everyone in my year will have started with their careers by now. Even my little sister has finished college; I can't believe she's all grown up. My cousins and my friends would have aged so much, heck, some of them will have their own families by now, and Lisa... I wonder how she is, I wonder where she is. If I've been in a coma I would have thought she would have come to see me as soon as I woke up, after all she is my fianc. Well, that is one thing that surely couldn't have changed, after all, love is timeless.

Lisa and I have known each other since we were 7, and we got together when we where 13. Honestly, when we did I didn't think we would stay together long enough to get married, but two months ago I proposed to her. Well, 6 years ago now I guess.  I wonder how she's changed. Maybe she'll come see me soon. I want to ask my mum about her, but I can't form the words. Honestly, maybe I am a little scared of what she'll say.

Just over a week has gone since I first woke up. I've started to gain more muscle memory. I can move my arms and legs slightly and am able to pick up small things and I'm well on my way to being able to sit up unaided. My tongue has loosened and I'm able to string three or four words together now, it frustrates me, but the doctor's say I am improving very quickly. My mum has come to see today, as she has every day since I've awoke. My dad and sister come when they can, but dad has work and Claire is at university now. My mum has been catching me up on the last 6 years telling me about my cousins, aunties, and uncles; weddings, funerals, and births. It seems a lot has happened while I was asleep.

My curiosity about Lisa feels like it needs to be satisfied, and so I've asked my mum about her, but she always avoids the question and stirs the conversation somewhere else. I really thought that Lisa would have come to see me by now. As my mum is leaving I ask her one more time about Lisa. She just smiles at me, almost sympathetically, and says that she is sure she will come soon.

It's been two and a half weeks since I woke up now. I've had a few visitors now, one of my friends came and two of my cousins visited, one of them brought his 3 year old baby girl. Seeing them made it finally sink in how much I had missed. Everyone seems to have grown up, started families, moved on with their lives, but those 6 years don't exist to me... I still feel 17. It all just makes me wonder even more what has happened to Lisa.

The next day when I wake up, I can hear the voice that I been looking forward to hearing so much. I sit up on the bed and wait for her to enter. She draws the curtain back and I beam at the sight of her, she hasn't changed much, she was a brunette with shoulder length hair last I saw her but she has dyed her hair blonde and cut it to just below her ears. She has added a few inches to her slim waste but that doesn't matter. Her blue eyes still sparkle like sapphires, her smile still takes my breath away. For just a moment I feel like those 6 years didn't matter, that everything is ok now that she's here. She comes and takes a seat next to me, her hair still smells like flowers. She asks me how I am. I tell her how I've been getting much better since I woke up, how I can just about stand up on my own again and how I'm going to start relearning to walk soon. I tell her how the doctors said I should be able to go home in a few weeks. I tell her about the shock I had when I woke up, of seeing Claire all grown up, and finding out that I had been in a coma for 6 years. I tell her how it finally sunk it when I seen my cousin's baby daughter and how I just wanted to see her, and how the world seems right again now that she's here.

Her smile falters as I come to the end of what I'm saying I see sadness in her face, but I guess she feels sympathy for me, and sorry that she didn't come sooner. It doesn't matter to me though, she's here now. I ask her how she has been these last 6 years, and what I've missed. She tells me not much has happened for her, she went to Uni. and studied Chemistry, she wanted a break from the city so she went away to do it, and that she passed with a 2:1. She said she moved back to the city about a year ago, but that she wasn't currently working.

I was so happy to see her. We caught up for about half an hour before she told me that she wasn't able to stay long since she had said that she couldn't be home late. I was unhappy that she was only coming for such a small visit, but was still glad she came. I made her promise to come back soon, she said that she would the day after next. I asked her for a kiss before she left, she hesitated, and then she placed her soft lips upon my cheek, and then she walked out. I felt the spot upon my cheek where she had kissed me, I was so glad she came, but that kiss was... different. Why did she kiss me on my cheek, well I guess 6 years is a long time, she's probably just getting used to me being back.

My mum came again the next day. I told her that Lisa came to visit me yesterday. She had a look on her face as though she didn't know how to react to that, but after looking at me for a moment she smiled and said that she was happy for me. Her reaction was almost as though she was making sure I was happy before she smiled. Strange... I mean why wouldn't I be happy? I told her that Lisa only came for a short visit since she said that she would be home early and so I was guessing that she was doing something with her parents...

"She's having her parents over is she?" my mum asks,

"What do you mean by 'over'?" I reply, "Do they not live in the same house?" My mum looks at me with her eyebrows slightly raised in surprise.

"Danny," she said "Lisa is 23, she hasn't lived with her parents since she went to Uni. at nineteen." 'Oh!' I thought to myself, I guess that makes sense after all it's perfectly normal for people not to move back to their parent's house after Uni.

My mother stayed with me and talked about other things for a while before she left. I don't know why, but it's clear she felt uncomfortable speaking about Lisa.

The next day I wait in eager anticipation for Lisa to come. I spend the day just gazing at the clock, thinking that every voice I hear is hers, and every shadow I see seems to take her shape, but she doesn't come. At first I just feel disappointed, my raised hopes have been crushed, but then annoyance and anger start to build within me. I mean, how could she not come after promising that she would? How come she took so long coming in the first place? It's not like she's working, what could she be doing that is so important that she hasn't got time to visit me? I'm supposed to be her fianc, aren't I?

I end up spending most of the next day with my physiotherapist. Today, I'm starting to relearn to walk. The excitement of being able to walk again pushes down the annoyance and anger I feel from being let down by Lisa. Physiotherapy isn't exactly what I expected though, it's a lot of work and a lot of effort, I keep on falling, it's aggravating. They tell me I'm doing really well for my first day, but I just can't see it. Eventually I tell them I've had enough and they take me to my room. Now I feel even worse than I did yesterday.

The next day I'm lying in my bed, watching the news to catch up on the world when Lisa comes. I look at her, she smiles at me, I turn back to the TV.

"Sorry I couldn't make it the other day," she says, "I've been really busy lately and I've been ill."

"Busy doing what?" I say, "You don't work, you've finished Uni. and you don't live with your parents anymore." I speak to her quite crossly, and at first she looks slightly taken aback, and then her face drops, she looks sad and guilty, but then I also notice how her usually rosy cheeks are pale, and the bags under her eyes, she really was ill and tired.

"I'm really sorry, I should have made it" She said

"No," I reply "I shouldn't have gone at you like that. It's just that it gets a bit lonely in her sometimes, and I was really looking forward to seeing you, but I'm sure you would have made it if you could, after all you are my..." at that moment I noticed that the ring I gave her wasn't on her finger.  My deepest fears about the coma rise to the surface. My gaze slowly moves from her hand to face as I ask her, "Where is the ring that I gave you?"  She looks at her hand, and then looks at me and sighs, she goes and sits down while saying,

"It's been 6 years a lot has happened." She reaches into her pocket and takes out a ring and puts in on her finger, I feel like my life is over as I realise that it isn't the ring that I gave her.  "After you fell into the coma I was distraught," she continues, "I sat at your bed day after day hoping that you would wake up. I barely ate, I barely slept, nothing seemed important anymore, I didn't go to college, some days I didn't even go home. My parent and your parents started to worry about me. Nobody knew when or even if you would wake up, and they said it wasn't good for me to be here all the time. After about 3 months they started limiting the amount of time I could spend here, and they got our friends to come and visit and talk to me. Eventually after several months they managed to get through to me I never stopped coming, I just began doing other stuff as well again. It had been so long though that I had failed the last year of college, but because of the circumstances I was allowed to redo it. I always came to see you but as the year went by and it was time for exams and revision, I had less and less time to come. Then I finally passed and it was time to pick my Uni. I was going to stay in the city but my parents urged me to go to a different city, they said it would be a good experience, I didn't want to leave you but even your parents agreed with them. So I went, I was a bit lonely at first, everyone was partying enjoying themselves, but I didn't feel like joining in, so I didn't I spent most of my time in the library and that's where I met Luke."

I was silent the whole time she was speaking, taking it in, speechless is probably a better word, I mean, what am I meant to say to this kind of situation. My parents encouraged her to move on from me, that's just messed up, and the way she says "Luke," he's clearly the one who brought the ring. I should have seen this coming but, well I kind of did, but I thought, or at least i hoped that our love was forever.

She carries on, "He was from my course he came up to me one day in the library and asked if he could study with me, I told him that I didn't mind. So we studied together that day, and pretty much every day after that, the next year me and him and two others shared a house, and we grew very close. After a few months there we started dating. It's not that I didn't love you anymore it's just that no one knew if you would wake up, and I couldn't wait forever. So we dated for the next year and a half or so, and then a month before graduation he proposed. We were so close by that time and I really loved him so I said yes. After Uni we got a house together while he went on to do a master's and I went to work in a chemist. Things went well and at the end of the year we got married. He said he didn't want to return to his hometown so we moved back here. And this is where we're at now, he actually works here and so do I but... am on maternity leave."

Her words hit me like blow after blow, I felt an array of emotions, my mouth opened and closed but not a sound came out, but a tear rolled down my cheek. She looked at me, she was very emotional as though she was sympathising with me. She stood up said am sorry and then she left.

The rest of my time in the hospital passes like a blur, days go by and I get better and better, now fuelled by the desire to simply get out of there. A few weeks pass and it's finally time for me to leave. In my last day's there I realize I have to move on from the past and so I think about my future. I decide that I'll go home for a while, get my head together maybe finish College. Then I guess I'll go to a different city, maybe go to Uni. Or just get a job I don't know. I just know I can't stay here, too much has changed everyone has grown up and moved on. I can't catch up. I have to get out of here, this isn't my life anymore.