The Leap

The Leap

The rain fell mercilessly as a lone man stood behind the railing of a small bridge. He did not feel the rain. He could only feel the emptiness of a seemingly purposeless life, filled with lies from the very beginning. The lies of “you can be anything you want to be” or “you can accomplish anything”. These statements are true for most people. It’s different however with people with this man’s particular condition. He took another swig from the bottle in his right hand. The chilled liquor burned as it passed his lips.

He would’ve not minded it as much if he had been told the truth of his condition from the beginning rather than being finally told the truth when he became an adult. The truth had come to him as both a relief and as a curse. He finally had a name to put to what was wrong with him, but at the same time had sealed his fate to one of continuing ridicule and a sense of worthlessness.

He had always known something was particularly different about himself compared to his peers. He just could never quite place a finger on it. The awkwardness, social anxiety, and inability to function normally were labelled by him as a result of his low self-confidence. The painful memories of being bullied and secluded burned in his stomach worse than the alcohol. He remembered the times late at night when he would cry “please help me” into an empty room.

However, as he grew older, a fear began to form deep in his consciousness. He decided it was ridiculous; there was no way he was “that”, because if he was, he would have been told right? Unfortunately, this was not the case.

He continued to live with his condition unawares, graduating high school, even joining the military. As these events unfolded, he slowly forgot this fear. At the age of 20, while he was on military leave, his mother revealed to him he had been tested for autism at a really young age, and he tested negative for the higher spectrums. This news hit him like a freight train as the fear he had been unwittingly hiding from himself rose forth and chilled him to the core. Unbeknownst to him, his parents ended the tests there, relieved their child wasn’t mentally handicapped. Despite this, there were higher-functioning forms of autism officially recognized later.

Lightning struck in the distance, lighting up the cityscape in front of him, followed closely by a roll of thunder.
Years later, he had gradually grown tired of it all. The having to put on a fake face since his pride and teachings from his parents had taught him to be strong. He never wanted to ask for help from anyone in fear of being weak. He needed to be the one that everyone else thought was strong. He needed to be the one they came to when they were weak. For all the years of his life there had been no one for him to go to.

In his mind, he knew all these thoughts made him the weak one. He felt stuck. All the things he had been taught from the beginning and the thoughts he had as a grown adult. He was a hypocrite. This hypocrisy made him believe that he did not deserve to live. Besides, he made no contributions to this world; he lived a worthless and meaningless life.
As this thought entered his mind, he took a last long swig from his drink and threw the bottle down with a crash. A groan escaped his lips as he took a step onto the railing. It was slick from the downpour of rain.

He held his arms wide and leaned his head back as his balance began to fail due to his inebriation.

‘The end…’ he thought to himself as he bent his knees.

A female voice rang out.

“Jon! Stop! Don’t do it! Please!!” she screamed to him as she choked on tears.

He heard the voice, but didn’t care. ‘She’ll get over it’ he thought to himself...

... and leapt.