Do Not Disturb

i'm sorry about disturbin you, it fucked me more than it fucked you. disturb is what you like to do. i came i saw i loved i learnt but teaching you the same shit doesn't work. but disturbed is how we introduced. what got us here was self induced. coincidences don't exist, like batteries, we die out quick if we forget to recharge our positives. stop following those steps down, the path goes up, an inner fight. don't give advice just suggest it, you cant play king just for the day. who the fuck you trying to play? sunday is the lonlinest. black fridays bring both our heightened senses, pupils the size of tips of pencils. look at your self for just a minute, your reflection wants you to face him, he wants the trigger pulled on all that hatred. to hell and back you're traveling. you decide if you want to keep your straight goods, crooked bads, your everything, or watch them unravel corwardly. if you want it, get connected, but fucked you'll be if you won't let it. i gave my all to unwind inside of you, crack you open, take a view. but all the good that was once there, is buried deep underneath fear. molecules bouncing off eachother, continue on their merry way, not acknowledging that we've been seen. chems flow in and life, thrown out. by myself i finally seen, the ingredients in lifes recipe. sam i am crystal im not, she leaves you cold. she no anti, she just freeze. your eyes so kind but what's underneath, i'll never know, curiosity might be the end of me. my eyes were clear, blue just like new. grey now until they again shine through.you saw that little light of mine, now take yours out and let it shine. your weaknesses intrigued me too, we're so alike that maybe it's true, we are eachothers trouble and we let it grow, point a to b is simply wanting. not knowing what to want for sure, just realizin you fell too far. if you get up, fight, win and beat, resilience will help you defeat until you rise to your feet. if i did it even for a lil bit, you can too b, i'm sure of it. nobody will want to help someone who doesn't want help their self. your punishment is up at down, do some time out here, real ground, and when that times up, do yourself another favor, citizens arrest yourself, your charge is assault on life itself. my crucifix, capital A, something bout abnormality? fuck the norm, regulars, fuck the system and police. fuck the morning birds that tweak, beak out, cheap out, leachin on to me. little girl can't run her own show, swag only get's you so far, you know. upside down then back around, understand it. didn't look hard for trouble til i found it. im fuelin off of 3 teaspoons of refined sucrose. for every thorn, there is a rose, for every prick, was the last bitch, is she the spasm in your eye? trust is something i gave out. something i never thought about.

while messin your soft tossled hair, i soothed you, moved you, came to frustrate you.

you trust your gut, don't give it milk, if you find you can't tolerate it. i used up my whole day's worth of my strength for a hard knock, i would have went any length, i guess when the wind blows, it stirs shit up, in the same clothes day 2 or 3, he looked right past it, still complimenting me after seeing me, holding me. i can't stop and if there was an easier softer way, id take it, play with it, end up breaking it. the voices in my head can't breathe, starting to do some smothering. month of december i cant remember, where you went but youre out chasing paper. hibernate, the words get longer closer to the end of the pm. life is not my business, i surrendor my will, my life my all, to the path i shall follow up and not fall. god is still not a word i'll keep forever in my vocab, honest willing and open-minded. i killed cocky with my honest. best moral of the whole damn day, none of these words will ever sound the same. i dont live my life, i have nothing left, but myself and that's the best. chaos is a wonky structure, addicted to it, yeah, for sure. i think i hear santas bells ring, or maybe brain matter melting, i hear bubbles, i feel the sting. i have more thoughts left then brain cells, i wish i seen the future now. i joined em now it's my job to beat em. hope this time is the very end.



all day i've been givin' up my blood to labs. all night my arms are mine to stab. wake the fuck up sam, break free, it's the very last day in 2013. the grass is guarenteed a brighter green, you'll start to see love in everything. with a gift of empathy that i was given, evil tries to use that to get himself in, sudafed whited out scans show of the frontal lobe, keep it up up away thats the story and how it goes. other eye sees a lot, so when . they get the first chance to close, i can handle seeing nothing my eyelids. speaking of handles speaking of and lids... id like to communicate my with the whole family tree. i don't care how much i bought whats the point is its all gone, fallin not up but down, not what is inbetween. like the prayer, kid kudi sang, my care of will of life to bet none of it was seen the way of it, nobody else did i know this antifroze my memory. not too sure how much was discussed (as usual) if one of us is just enough, divided we all fall, collapsible they say but why do i feel like butterflies or angel wings, physical, that sense was sparked, a big rowr is how we let frustrations out. free glocks for hard knocks, thats this life on a tiny clock. i suggest reading words cause fact glows the color right. next time, ditch words like "sorry", swallow some pride, take some deep breaths, overwhelmed is where i am. it's been a few and haven't heard from you. im on my way, without legs to my table, and i know that i am capable.. by accident, confidence, only came out when shits experienced in life on such short notice, just one event over and over inside your head and maybe my eyes will clear i miss chris this christmas, tried to shake this feeling but what to do with the empty void where I want to so bad, the want needs fuel.. i guess princess samwise, forced to differentiate wrong from right. "get well soon, love ya samantha" and still, my gut brings the data up, i feel as though her strength is being tested and it hurts worse then my wasn't-done, shaken by bad choices. it's been longer than i thought it, up there you continue contributing the community. starting with new beginnings, speaking of, im back again, ess tee a r t, even in the first step. gotta pray for serenity to accept things i cant change, is that me? i am to accept my self? ill open my eyes and attune to nah i cant hear shit hold on out of here ears, whispering hypnotic silence, wake up only partially, inside my head, it's not up for human interaction yet. if my body reacts to anything, its probably everything. the stars have something planned for me and i believe im one of those stars. i pulled that wagon soaking wet, bruised and hungry, really far, proud i carried me aswell. first winter 2014, i see people shaking hands, shoutin' "merry christmas, i can remember back a few christmas', my small hand rubbing salt the inside the turkey, apparently this happens quite a bit, today is just a day. im missin chris this christmas. and im hopin that your wings fit. no longer socially awkward, and forever happens, forever happens what you view as right. while thinkin of you, i felt like i twitched a different, saw the path could be reached, my life without them tho is suddenly less interesting. one thing about me I was always sure, if everything turned out well, you might wanna wake up now, im here in person to say hey. what comes out, comes straight from selfishness and stupidity, last word i typed you can say again. depending on how hard and far, i'll have nothing but winter sounds and while i write, outside theres fallin stars. life is not a game so playing it won't get you far. you lose right away if you think you're king shit.