Memories

As I lay my head on the pillow of my bed, my mind starts to wonder. It will think about so many things that it looses track in itself. But there is one thing it always ends up with, memories. Memories of time, a place . . . a person. It's not always the same person but no doubt it will be someone who has done wrong to me. It may be a one time event or a four year event but I will think about those times. But I will feel the same every time.

I start to re-live those moments again and hope my mind will shut down any minute. I don't want this, it's in the past. My emotions can't handle this. I start to feel the same as I did back then. Back at the time of the events. I ask myself “Do you think these people ever talk about these times”. I feel anxious, like a crowd is going to enter my room and laugh in my face. I feel pathetic. “It's in the past” I tell myself “It's in the past”. But my mind doesn't listen.

I start to feel like I'm sinking into my bed, then deeper and deeper until I'm in the ground. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking. I start to hope this is real and that I really am sinking into the ground. Maybe the ground will swallow me whole and I will end this humiliation and shame once and for all.

But then I finally stop and think “Wait a minute, I can't die yet. I still need to get my revenge”.