Bipolar in The Bloodstream.

Fuck it all. On 800 mg of seroquel xr, 800mg of neurontin 3x a day, 30 mg of abilify and 20 mg of brintellix. Got Klonopins for anxiety because I get caught on one negative thought and it's sometimes hard to turn the page. I'm a godamn miracle of modern science. I crave sugar/nicotine/caffiene. Oh, and sometimes alcohol. I'm over weight by a 100 pounds and take two meds for my blood pressure........ Yes, staying positive is difficult. I put on a happy persona but inside i'm slowly dying of loneliness. I won't give up though, i do exercise twice a week at my mental health agency.........my pride is no longer a factor hardly in anything. I'm totally humbled by my time on this earth. Nothing surprises me anymore it seems, nothing. Sad, very sad way to live alone, be jealous of others and knowing you have to get off your butt but don't because you are on enough drugs to kill a horse and just don't care. I want to care, care for me, care for that, care just to care. I want to be loved again, damn I miss it.