It was an unwitting gift
from my mother’s mother,
a woman whose time ended
before my time began.
It was an unwanted gift
with terrible powers;
to break my loved one’s heart,
to break our bank account,
to break my spirit,
to break my very existence.
First stunned, completely numb.
Next helpless and scared as a lost child.
Then a lightning strike of anger.
Why me?
How do I survive this?
What if I don’t?
I want to run away and hide,
I want to stay and fight.
I want to cry every tear there is,
I want to tell my very best jokes.
I want to scream until my throat is raw,
I want to sit in silent contemplation.
I want everyone to know I am hurting,
I want to keep it to myself.
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