Cruelty Engraved

Author's Note: THIS STORY IS PARTIALLY BASED ON THE EVENTS THAT HAVE OCCURRED IN THE PAST MONTHS, WITH AN ALTERNATE TELLING AND ALTERNATE ENDING, THE CHANGES ARE WITH THE ENDING AND HER GETTING MAD AT ME (November 19 2014).

I opened up a diary of sorts labeled "Existing with Pain". This diary belonged to my cousin, Iker, and he was known around the family as the one person who would brighten up the day, yet he was also one of the more annoying person some people have met. I sort of found him annoying until I went to his house and saw that he was murdered. But back to the point, when I started to read this, I started to feel sorry for him and began hating myself with what was read.

August 17, 2014
I finally am going back to school tomorrow! I get to see so many people once more, and maybe at least befriend some others. Though knowing me, I feel that the chance of that ever happening is almost impossible, I mean I only made one friend offline in Freshman year, while I have only one online friend that hasn't got on my nerves, while everyone else treated me like an asshole and thus made me feel like I don't belong. My offline friend was somewhat like an asshole, but if he keeps talking to me, I'll still feel like I'm wanted...hopefully.

August 31, 2014
I'm finally given a break from school. My thoughts are starting to get the best of me. I've been ignored by nearly everyone, even Natalie, my online friend. I feel like I'm looking at my own version of Hell, being ignored, nearly unwanted...yet my offline friend is the only one that's keeping me together, indirectly that is.

October 20, 2014
Natalie got herself into more trouble like before. Unbelievable...the only reason she would message me is if she needed someone to talk to that would definitely have a higher intelligence than hers. You just need to discard emotions and then you wouldn't get yourself into as much trouble as you do. Though that's not to say you permanently discard them, like love, just in moderation. When you don't take things into account, you only make things harder, and taking it to an extremity leads to the same result. So why let emotions overtake you in that respect? I wonder if my offline friend is the same...though that is highly unlikely.

November 11, 2014
I finally met Natalie's "boyfriend". He's lying. I know he is. What he says to her is an extremity when we are in group calls on Skype. It's like he's trying to either rub it in my face, which won't work because I'm a demiromantic and I'm not really interested in her. Another reason I know he's lying is he's trying to break whatever there is between Natalie and me, which is just a close relationship, nothing else. No romantic feelings, nothing at all. And how he sounds...it's not what he says he is. He can't be a blonde who is 18 years old. He just doesn't sound that way and the body figure of his naked photos are not equal to what he showed us. So he's under heavy suspicion.

November 19, 2014
He hated me and tried to get Natalie to hate me...he nearly succeeded. She didn't see what I saw, and I mean metaphorically. I showed her conversations that he hates me and she thinks it's because of I want her to myself. I was on my hands and knees trying to convince her, and she seemed to give me another chance...

November 20, 2014
I was close to breaking them apart. She needs to see his lies, she needs to see his problem. His love is being taken to an extremity. I couldn't take it so I decided to let them go on with this...without me involved more than I am now. Natalie felt upset that I decided to do this. But I runt on the thoughts of "Hurt to Teach."

December 3, 2014
I decided to get back to talking to Natalie. I can't just leave her to do this on her own, at least taking her mindset in consideration to where there are more mistakes than good things happening to her.

December 9, 2014
She broke with him 3 times...and with that we decided to spend the night talking about him, insulting his idiocy for thinking that it would work on her for long.

December 13, 2014
They got back together in the previous days under my nose, broke up and then her boyfriend decided to attempt suicide. When this happened, me, Natalie and my offline friend who I decided to involve in it just to help in some way, decided to, as said, help. After this, her boyfriend thought that my offline friend was closet bi.

December 20 2014
While trying to break these two up, her boyfriend made this threat. I felt mentally broken. My only offline friend only hearing this and possibly not my end really threw me into depression and almost spiral into my own despair again. Yet this hope that he did it was unlikely existed...but I was wrong. My offline friend looked at me as if I was an enemy from then on. I was left destroyed internally from that point on.

January 7, 2015
Natalie asked why I haven't talked to her for a while. I didn't answer that question. Instead I just asked, "What are you thinking being with someone like that?" and I just stopped talking to her for a long while.

March 3, 2015
At this point, I decided to talk to her once more. I tried messaging her on Skype. No answer. I called an hour later...and got an answer. The voice was her "boyfriend." He sounded so cheerful when he picked up, laughing. He said, "Look at your phone," and so I proceeded to do so. I saw that a week ago, Natalie sent me a message saying "I'm inviting him over next week, should I go through with it or not?" When I read this question, he suddenly said, "She's dead. And it was because you didn't answer her question due to you feeling mortified about the person you love," and ended the call laughing at me. I screwed up so much. I can't believe I actually dug us into this hell.

March 10, 2015
I made up my mind to commit suicide. I've done so much yet knowing that I'm so alone now, knowing that nobody in the school accepts gays, and no one even gives a damn about me being depressed. Not even my old friend knows of her death. It was like he shut himself out from everyone. Best to hurt to teach. Thank you for at least taking your time to read this recollection of events.

I was devastated that my cousin was hurt by this guy. To give my regards, I signed my name on the next page to which was accompanied by "My Regards" and then just left it there and walked away, never returning to his house again