Recessive (Chapter 1)

         Nuz          / Secrets within the Veins / page 24

CHAPTER ONE

Sunlight peeks through my curtains and showers my bedroom with brightness. The day starts. So does the pain.

My heart stops beating, again. I'm supporting myself on my elbows as I start to tense up. Breathing becomes impossible. The pain tempts me to scream but I don't want mom to hear and worry so I just keep my jaws shut. I've been feeling this ever since I turned fifteen, four months now, and mom suspects nothing. It's getting harder and harder to keep it a secret. For each day, it gets more and more painful.

Sweat trickles down and blurs my sight. A grunt escapes. My elbows try hard to meet behind me. It feels like my chest rips open by itself and I realize that the sweat didn't blur my sight. Tears did. They bead down to my ears as grunts continue to break free. I don't call them grunts anymore. I call them sobs.

My body loosens with a long sharp gasp. I can feel my lungs allowing air in again. But I can also feel my heart. It forgot how to beat. I hustle to the mirror and take off my shirt, dropping it on the floor.

I can't see through my skin but I can see my heart. I can see the veins branching out from it. Four months ago, my heart the only one rise. But with every intensified pain I wake up to everyday, the nearby veins rise as well, barely tearing their way out. I can see the veins at the base of my neck and an inch past my elbows and my knees. I don't just feel the blood pumping through. I can see it course. Or as in this moment, its absence.

My vision darkens then brightens, over and over. The lack of oxygen in my brain will cause me to faint. And eventually, die. My knees weaken. My ears block out every other noise except the resonating thud of my knees hitting the floor.

Thud. My hands meekly pound the floor to support my weight.

Thud. My arms give in. Now I lie face down on the floor.

Thud. My heart remembers.

"Mike! Come out now. Breakfast is ready and it's the first day of school. I think you don't want to give a bad impression to anybody now that you're in high school." Mom shouts outside my door.

"Be there in a second mom!" I reply like nothing happened, like always.

I take a few seconds to recover before crawling to my room's bathroom.





"Mike! You coming out or what?" Mom says, from a distance.

"Just a second!" I reply diving in my closet, looking for long sleeves to hide my discernible veins. Finding a shirt, I put it on and pull the sleeves down enough to hide the veins. I hope people won't see them. Living in an island, almost forgotten on the east side of the United States, can be a potential danger for me. The absence of towering buildings and the advancement of human technology focus people onto each other. For that, I go out of my room filled with worry about showing my skin.

The smell of pancakes and bacon fills the air. I follow the aroma to the kitchen where I find my mother washing pans. She's already suited herself as the bank's new manager. I move closer to the table.

"The manager thing really suits you, mom."

"I guess it does." She shrugs, sitting down at the table.

"How are you handling the divorce?" I ask, a sudden yen I want to satisfy.

"Seriously? That was five years ago." She babbles.

"And five years ago, I was thinking about how I felt more than how you felt. Just answer the question, mom."

I can see her eyes, green as emerald, eyes I inherited from her, glisten as she tries to answer my tactless question.  She looks down to her hands and her short auburn hair falls forward with the tilt of her head. But before she can even say a word, someone rings the doorbell. Whatever she's going to say, it has travelled away with the wind.

Instead, she says "I think that's Logan. You should get going."

I get up, pick up my bag and head to the door. As I near the door, I can see with better clarity the person on the other side. I open the door.

"Good Morning, Mikee. It's a good day to start school, right?" Logan greets me.

The very disturbing smile, piercing blue eyes and mussed dark hair have startled me for the millionth time. He dangles in front of my face just a few inches away. He has readied himself for the trip to school, his bike at his side.

"You're definitely not a sight for sore eyes."

He greets mom and mom acknowledges him.

 "God, man! You're still not used to this?" he asks, pointing at his smile. "You've been seeing this every single time you open the door and that's every day."

"In case you haven't notice, when you smile, your teeth look sharper, your nose crooks, your eyes look awkwardly bigger and your ears appear pointy. I'm not quite sure you're human. Are you sure you're human?"

"I really like my smile," he brags.

"Boys! I think you're going to be late if you don't leave now!" Mom shouts from the kitchen.

"We're leaving!"

I step outside, closing the door behind me. As soon as we're out of my mother's ear shot, Logan moves his head closer to mine just a few inches from my right ear.

"You haven't told her yet?" he whispers.

"I only told you because I needed to tell someone. You're the closest person I have for a brother." I whisper back. I start walking towards my bike in the garage.

 "I know that. But she's your mother. You should tell her," he whispers as he follows me. "I've researched about what's happening to you. Nothing pops up. No one has their heart and veins shown through their skin so they can see blood pumping through."

I just keep walking. I mount the bike, about to pedal away when Logan stands before me. The stern look in his face tells me he doesn't understand something.

"Don't walk away when I'm talking to you, Mikee." Calm as ever but with evident anger.

"We have to hurry or we're gonna be late."

"We are not leaving this place unless you promise me that you'll tell your mother about that thing going on with your chest."

I tell him it's spreading through my body.

"Now you really have to tell her." He grabs my arm, trying to drag me back to the house.

"Not now."

He flashes the stern look again.

"I'll tell her tonight, swear. We just have to go to school now. How many times do I have to tell you that?" I smile.

His unyielding look turns into the jubilant one I know. Facing me, he says "What are you waiting for?"

I trail him so he can't go to school without me. We live a mile and a half away. It will probably be a long drive. But Logan keeps me awake by telling me how he researched the school we're currently headed to.





I can see the bridge, our mile marker, a few meters before us. I can glimpse my father's house just standing on the other side.

Why doesn't he just leave? Leave the island; leave Neicant. Why live a mile away from us with my grandfather? He can go wherever he wants? I mean, he has no ties to us since my mother pledged full responsibility for me.

We come closer and closer to his house. My nerves get the best of me, not letting me keep my balance on the bike. When passing his house, I try not to look inside. But I notice something. Something odd. Forcing me to turn. Dad stands at his front bedroom window, as if waiting for us to pass. It's like he's expecting us; like he knows exactly what time we will pass his place.

I stare directly into those creepy blue eyes of his. I consider myself blessed that I don't have those eyes; that I got only my hair color from him. I can tell by his unbrushed dark hair, now streaked with gray strands, that he just woke up.

I keep on pedalling, trying to get away as fast as I can. A hundred or so yards. That's how far I got when my left hand jabs out of control. It takes the bike handle with it, pushing the front wheel to a 90-degree turn. The abruptness of the stop causes the hind wheel to rise. The speed I run with causes the hind wheel to rise faster and higher, throwing me in a back flip to the air.

In the few milliseconds I am suspended in the air, my left arm reaches for my right shoulder, reaching behind me. I hear my bones break because of that swift move. I lie face to the asphalt because of that swift move.

My left arm relaxes so I try to stand. I use my whole arm to aid my way up. But when my arms had gone straight, my body won't stop applying force to them. My elbows won't bend. My body tries to inflict pain to the asphalt and to my hand at the same time. I scream. No one can hear it. Dad has squirrels for neighbours. I watch as the veins rise. I watch the veins revealing themselves on my arms down to my wrists. Then the veins stop showing. The pain stops.

It happened in split seconds. I fall to my side, exasperated. In time with my fall comes the sound of my bike hitting the ground. I hear another bike hit the road. I look at the asphalt. The shape of my hands carves it. I can hear the pound of Logan's hurried steps.

"Maybe you should stay at home." He sits me up.

"I'm fine. Don't worry. I just need to breathe for a second. It took me off guard. It usually just happens in the morning."

I take a few breaths. I pull down my sleeves to conceal the veins and I'm good to go. Logan holds no disagreement. I guess he doesn't want to begin school without me. He worries, though. I can feel his eyes on me, watchful.

And another pair of eyes. No one follows us but I've got this itch at the back of my mind, telling me otherwise. I disregard it. Maybe it's an effect of the veins.





We head to the parking area. It will probably have a parking space for bikes. We find it and secure our bikes. I turn around and Logan's smile startles me yet again. Though this time, Ronnie wears it.

She just hangs out with us in between classes and she'll become a stranger outside of school.

"What's up?" I flinch.

"Just checking if you two survived the summer without me," she shrugs.

Logan backs away a little. He always acts strange around this girl.

The school bell rings in its high-pitched screech. No one in the vicinity can possibly miss it.

"What's your first class?" Ronnie asks Logan.

Logan has no clear answer. He keeps on stuttering and I can't understand a thing he's saying. He looks at me, begging for mercy.

"We're heading to the lab. We have the same schedule for the first half of the day." I answer for Logan.

"Hey! Me too. I guess we're stuck with each other for first period." She sounds delighted.

"I guess so."

"I'll go ahead and find my locker. I'll just meet you there." Ronnie heads inside.

"See you there," I sigh.

Logan and I start walking to the double doors of the school. The pungent smell of the unused classrooms rushes into my nose as we enter. Everyone stands near the lockers embedded in the walls, giving way to those passing through. Students mingle, creating an overlapping noise. You can't possibly understand a word they're saying. Some occupy themselves trying to figure out how to open their lockers.

We continue down the hall, hurrying to find our lockers. I look at the faces of the students that we pass. I only recognise half of them. That's when I remember that the whole island has only one high school, Neicant High. Apparently, two other lower schools, at the east, where Logan, Ronnie and I came from, and at the west. Every student that passes eighth grade will probably end up here.

Whenever we pass a room, Logan says who teaches there and what he teaches. We both are freshmen but Logan has equipped himself with his research. He knows more about this place than I do. He even knows my schedule so he tells me what time I should go to a particular room. Finally we've reached our lockers.

I turn the dial to my combination but it doesn't work. Logan, on the other hand, already opened his. He notices my struggle and helps me by slamming his hand hard against the locker door. It opens instantly. I notice how hard he hit my locker. He opened his by simply tapping it.

"What's with the pouty face?" I ask.

"Huh?"

"What are you mad about?"

"Just drop it, okay. You don't have to know."

"Just for now. I'll just ask when you have something to say."

I look at my locker. Messy. Disappointment creeps in and I start to rearrange things. I think of Logan's uncharacteristic behaviour. I've seen him portray every emotion a man can possibly have. All but one. Then it hit me. The reason it feels unfamiliar, all the fading in the background, the sudden rage, sudden quietness. He has never portrayed this before.

"Oh God."

"What? What is it?" Logan asks.

The school bell rings again. Every student not yet in his class hastens to his room. The hall, peaceful before, is eaten by the chaos of running students not wanting to be late. Logan and I do things faster too. We start walking toward the lab, bags hanging from our shoulders.

"You like her, don't you?"

 I keep on walking, marvelling on the discovery I've made. I don't notice Logan stopped in his tracks. I go back to him. He looks astounded.

"I'm right, aren't I?"

"It doesn't matter. She likes you."

"What do you mean?"

"She always talks to you and when she talks to you it's like I don't even exist."

"Look, I'll ask her." I put my arm across his back.

He lets the thought sink in. "Wait. What? You can't do that!"

"Can't stop me." I boast, prodding him to walk.

Everything seems fine, well, except for Logan. My plan troubles him. The relentless ringing of the school bell troubles me. Somehow, it doesn't fade. It grows louder instead. When I pass below a perfectly still school bell, the ringing pierces my brain. I ask the nearest wall for support. My mind plays tricks on me very frequently. On a bad day, the shadows try to eat me. Sometimes, the walls try to squeeze me to a pulp. Other days, the floor would be a quicksand. On good days, though, I hear random noises.

I need someone to fish me out of these illusions. It seems the only way out. Usually Logan does it but, right now, I watch him walk away. He doesn't even notice I'm gone. If no one will get me out, the illusion will overwhelm me. I'll pass out.

I'd pass out for the rest of the day.

But a girl bumps into me. She takes my mind off the ringing and it ceases to exist.

"Sorry!" she says, hurtling away.

I can't get a clean look at her. Students, all over the place, obscure her. I would like to thank her. But considering that we've taken different directions, it would be a long time before I see her again. I just hope someday I will.

I catch up with Logan. "We should go faster."

I marvel over him not even feeling anything when nerves take over. He blocks everything happening around him. I don't even know how he directs himself to the lab without paying attention.

He hears me but doesn't respond. He just hastens.





We've reached our destination. No one occupies the teacher's table so we just walk in. Fifteen concrete tables present themselves before me, two seats on each. Only three seats at the back remain empty. We choose the two seats closest to the window. I take the seat with a better view of the trees. The nearby forest will be my escape from boredom.

Logan grasps my arm.

I didn't see Ronnie sitting on the table next to ours. She's on the table with the last unoccupied seat.

"Dude, can we exchange seats?"

"I don't know. Your face will probably ruin my view of the trees." I tease him.

He answers with a hilarious pained look. I almost laugh but I control it.

We've switched seats before our teacher, Ms Trysmechi, comes in. Nobody seems to care. She places her bag on the chair, flashes a smile and she starts to call names. Students respond. Ms Trysmechi's voice continues with propriety, despite the lack of interest in everyone's response.

But on a name she stutters. She can't seem to pronounce it. "Nite? Mr Nite?"

"Here." I raise my hand, not too high, afraid of people seeing the veins.

"Who's your mother?"

"Olivia Nite." I shrug.

"Figures." She whispers to herself.

She continues to call other names. "Crystal Chasseur'"

No one answers. This explains the empty chair next to Veronica.

"Poor Ms Chasseur" Logan says to himself.

"Why? She's just late." I ask.

"Well, Miss Trysmechi has a special treatment for late students. She has this thing in her bag. She'll make you wear it the whole period. They say it's very humiliating. Every time, it's different. But, there's a way to be saved. Anyone can save you except your lab partner. To save someone who's late, someone else has to say why that person is late. Whoever saves the late student becomes their new lab partner," he explains.

"How will Ms Trysmechi know that's right? I mean, if the answering goes first, then the late person will just say yes to the answer"

"Ms Trysmechi asks the late person first then she'll make that person whisper the answer in her ear."

Ms Trysmechi goes on with the discussion by introducing herself. Apparently, she's also the school's principal. She reaches to get the chalk box on the other side of the table. She tries to reach it but her hand just can't get to it so she moves closer. Every inch she moves; the closer she is to hitting the chair where her bag is. She moves closer... and closer. She bumps to the chair hard enough to make it tilt and make the bag fall. Her things lie scattered on the floor. I focus on the things. A make-up kit, a small red ball, curly blue hair, and big-toed shoes just like the ones clowns wear. She blocks them with her back.

Ms Trysmechi gets all the things gathered and returns them in her bag.

"Sorry for that. So like I'm saying, I'm Ms Elizabeth Trysmechi. I'm always five minutes late for my first classes so I expect to see my class whole. No one should be later than I am."

At her words, the door swings slightly.

"Is this the lab?" a girl's voice says, breathing heavily.

"So you must be Crystal Chasseur?" Ms Trysmechi starts.

"Yes, Ms..." the girl answers, coming into the classroom.

Radiant face. Brown compelling eyes. Breath-taking.

Perfection.

My hands look for something to hook themselves into. The concrete table offers its corners but those seem unreachable. My fingers bore themselves into the table, attempting to puncture the concrete. But no such luck. Desperation takes over. I anchor myself to my seat. I just needed to prevent myself. I'm captivated and I just don't wanna go further. I just don't wanna fall.

"No way." I think Logan's mesmerized by her splendor, but he continues with the words "Someone's gotta save Crys."

"What do you mean? Do you know her?" I blurt.

"This school has this social monarchy," he explains "Ms Chasseur here is gonna be queen when the queen graduates."

"Why didn't you identify her before, when Ms Trysmechi was calling out names?"

"Well, she's always called Crys and not Crystal."

"It's Ms Trysmechi for you." Ms Trysmechi informs Crystal after waiting for her to say the right name.

"I'm sorry. I'm late. I just--" Crystal begins.

"Don't say it out loud. Whisper the reason to my ear and let someone guess what it is." Ms Trysmechi interrupts.

My memory pulls me away from reality and takes me a few moments back. A memory triggered by how Crystal apologized. She bumped into me before. She prevented me from fainting. I told myself before that I'd give her my thanks. Saving her from punishment will be a good payback.

I look at Logan with such intensity. He knows exactly what I'm thinking. But if I do it, he'll end up having Ronnie for a lab partner. His mind processes my idea so fast that he already has an answer but he doesn't say it out loud. I can just see it in his face. It's written all over it.

"Any takers?" Ms Trysmechi asks.

I take another second to look at Logan before raising my hand and all he can say is "No you won't."

But he's too late. My hand rises high up in the air.

I try to think of an answer but a world of possibilities makes it a puzzle. My mind takes me back to the time she helped me. She's running. But where is she headed?

Ms Trysmechi asks for an answer but I just smile to hide the crumbling world behind my eyes. I look into Crystal's eyes. They give me the strength to pull my deteriorating world back together. My mind keeps flashing on the first time I saw Crystal. Only one way takes you to this lab, the way that Logan and I took. Crystal went the other way. Now, I have an answer. I take a sneaky glance at Crystal to spark up some courage in me.

"She was lost." I answer.

Ms Trysmechi gives off an abstruse expression. I have no idea if I answered correctly. I can feel my heart beating. It pounds against my shirt. I can make out Logan hoping for a wrong answer but Crystal has a magnificent smile drawn on her face.

"Looks like you're saved from my humiliating punishment, all thanks to Mr Nite." Ms Trysmechi announces. "You can take your seat next to your lab partner, now."

The shock of being right, the shock of saving someone from a degrading punishment counters the electricity unsettling my nerves, palliating my body. Crystal nods in thanks and takes the empty seat next to Ronnie. I can hear on my side Logan's easy breathing now, knowing he won't sit next to Ronnie for a whole period. But Ms Trysmechi interrupts.

"My rules indicate that whoever saves the late person will be the late person's new lab partner. Since Mr Nite saved you, he should be your lab partner. Lab partners occupy one table."

I glance at Logan. I can only give him a quick look. For a quick look causes giggles. The effect of a stare would be offensively hilarious. Logan has a smile worth to fear. He also has a scowl worth of laughs. I can barely look at him. Afraid of laughing out loud, I stare at the blackboard.

"Don't get your hopes up." The murderous tone of his whisper hits me like a defibrillator.

I look at him. His ridiculous scowl has vanished, replaced by the face of a callous killer. If he's really going to kill someone, I bet my life that it'll be me. The thought of Logan being the one to end my life feels like insects crawling up my spine. He gets up and walks behind me.

 A descendant of Aphrodite sits next to me. She approaches wearing a perfect smile, a smile able to make you forget all the problems at hand. But I'm too damn close to the divine smile. My knees employ vibrators. My palms play with the waterworks. My vocabulary becomes a blank sheet of paper. My mouth puckers so tight that I can't open it anymore. The extra fast beating in my chest, as if my heart is going to jump out of it, doesn't help overcome my growing nervousness.

"Thanks for that," she says.

I nod in answer.

Ms Trysmechi discusses things I currently don't give a damn about. Every thought I gather circles back to the girl sitting next to me.

Staring at her feels like taking a peek at heaven where cherubs and seraphs play endlessly. But with the rush of joy comes the sickening feeling of being a pervert, spying on a person without her knowing it. I don't know why I feel so drawn to her. Maybe it's her eyes. I just really have no clue. She catches me watching her but I just say that I'm watching the trees beyond the window.

I watch her as she glances back and forth at the spear keychain on my bag. Seeing her interest in it, I just slide it to her side of the table. I smile at her face again.

I have my head down on my crossed arms on top of the table so I won't be so obvious. My wristwatch ticks so loudly next to my ear. Every tick, I dread. It's a step closer to the end of class.

The bell rings so loudly.

Class ends. My eyes follow Crystal as she leaves.

"We have the same classes for the first half of the day, right?"I try to confirm with Logan.

But he just heads for the door, not even saying a word. He would probably leave me here if I didn't follow him. And that goes on for the rest of the day.

During lunch, I see an opportunity to be somehow forgiven. I aim to bribe him with a chocolate milkshake, his favourite. Just one problem. I don't have my wallet. I must've left it on my nightstand. I glance around the cafeteria, trying to find people I know. I find Ronnie, eating at the table next to the jocks'. I run to her and slide into the empty chair in front of her.

"What do you want?" she asks before I can even utter a word.

"Yeah. Straight to the point." I whisper to myself. "Money. I need you to lend me some money."

"How much?"

"All that you can spare."

She bends down to the floor to get her bag. When she gets back up, a hand is waving in my direction. I assume it's for the jocks behind me so I dismiss the idea of waving back. She hands me the money. I'm about to leave when a question crosses my mind and this is perfect time to ask it.

"Do you like me?" I ask.

"Excuse me?" she retorts.

"Logan thinks that you like me," I shrug.

"Logan thinks..." She trails off to a nervous laugh. "That's absurd. I don't like you at all. The idea never even crossed my mind."

"That's what I said."

I leave and head out to buy my meal and Logan's drink. I go back to my seat. I can see that Logan is still mad so I just sit at first. He keeps on glancing at the chocolate milk shake I'm planning to bribe him with.

"I ask them to put extra chocolate so it will be the way you like it," I say.

He glances back and forth: me to the milk shake. Even though he doesn't say anything, I know he's asking if that drink is for him.

"Only if you forgive me," I add.

Then he looks back at his food and just continues eating. I can't believe it. He's refusing a chocolate milk shake. It's his favourite. He must hate me so much. Who even rejects a food bribe? But I'm not about to give up just yet.

"Oh, come on, Logie. You're not going to be mad at me forever, are you?" I say pushing the bribe at him.

He just stares right into my eyes, deciding whether to believe me or not. He starts to reach for the shake but I pull it back. He gives that stern look, indicating that he doesn't understand what's happening.

"Am I forgiven?" I ask.

"Not fully." He answers.

"What do you mean 'not fully'?"

"Well, I have to sit next to her every single day."

"You should really revisit your perception of good things and bad things."

"Give me the milk shake before I change my mind and am FULLY mad at you again."

I have no choice. I give him the shake. Well, he's talking to me again. Don't want that to stop.

"You know you should be happy that you can seat next to her." I advise.

"Yeah, I should be but I can't even say a word. Being next to her is like being in heaven and hell at the same time. Do you even know what I mean?"

"You have no idea."

"How did you even buy this? You left your wallet at home."

"I--wait. How did you know that I left my wallet?"

"You always put it at your back pocket but, today, it isn't there. So, where did you get the money?"

"Ronnie lent me some."

Logan stops sipping the shake.

"Don't worry; I'll give it back tomorrow."

"Good."

Everything seems fine again so I continue to eat. Logan talks to me again. Right now, he babbles something about sharks. I don't really listen to his frequent trivia but I'd grown to adapt to his way of making small talk. I feel incomplete without it. After every bite, he will look up at me but I know that his attention is given to the girl a few paces behind me. One time, his eyes shift to a different person.

"Look, Ms Chasseur's here," he claims.

I immediately look back, like a reflex whenever I hear her name. She sits with her friends a table away from Ronnie. I catch myself in a trance as I gaze at her.

"Dude, stop staring. You might tip her off."

I turn as fast as I responded to the sound of her name. I'm not happy to cut off the view, but Logan is right. I might creep her out. The nightmare would begin. She will avoid me or worse. So I think it might be best if I just stop.

"When are you gonna ask Ronnie about the thing I'm dreading for you to ask her?"

"I already did. Well, sort of."

"What happened?"

"I'm right. She doesn't like me."

"Yes!" Logan exclaims with a bright smile.

Logan exclaims so loudly and moves so forcefully that everyone in the cafeteria stops whatever it is they're doing and stares at us. He also spills the milk shake that made both of us stand. His clumsiness always kicks in during the most inopportune moments. I look around and everyone, even the cook, is looking at us.

"Sorry for that. You can continue what you're doing," he says.

Everyone goes back his business but Logan's smile still isn't fading. The idea of Ronnie not liking me gives him so much joy that the shy Logan manages to shout in a cafeteria filled with people. I'm happy for him. His newly found confidence helps but the fact that milk shake is pouring from the table doesn't leave a good impression.

"I think we should leave." I say.

We start to leave the way we got here. Logan leads and I follow. Before leaving the cafeteria, I manage to give a glance to where Crystal sits but she isn't there. I do a quick scan of the room and I find her walking away. I run to the hallway she's gone down, watching her 'til she turns away from sight.

To remind me of a potential problem, I feel my heart skip ten beats, ceasing to beat altogether. The pain rushes everywhere.



         

         24