Ascension

The Ascension

I. Exposition into Tragedy
It was cold. It was harsh and unbearable. I slumped further into the covers to escape the cold and reenter the womb that was my bed. I listened to the creaks and cracks of my dusty house. My gestation period ended quickly, and I dragged myself out of the bed and drifted towards my closet. Winter's sunlight seeped in through my window as I changed.
                 My parents had gone to work; well one might have, the other might have been drunk and slumped over in a shady alley near her favorite local. You never know. I walked into the kitchen and discovered only an "empty" fridge and a "bare" pantry. My stomach made a sound similar to a dying cow so I grabbed my wallet and left.
The sounds of inner city Chicago was a shock to my ears, but like always my ears adjusted to where the sounds were like a dull heartbeat. I walked down 5th Street towards Gold Avenue. The sun was out, but the city was still opaque and brown. I reached the crossing and could see the general store across the street. The traffic was slow so I timed my crossing and weaved through the street. As soon as I reached the curb, a speeding car zoomed by.
                 I entered the store and grabbed a bag of chips, half a gallon of milk, and a half loaf of bread. As I was checking out a man cut in front of me. "Marlboros; black and mild," he yelled out in a rhythmless manner.
                 The clerk stared at the man momentarily and turned around to get the cigs out of the cabinet. He mumbled, "These things are killers."
                 The man overheard and muttered back, "Aren't we all." The man took his cigs and left.
I handed the clerk my money and quietly received my change. I left the store with my small bag of groceries. I reached the curb and saw the traffic had sped up to its normal pace. I walked into the street. A car burst out of the lane and swerved around the street. I stood motionless as the half ton of metal charged into me. I was up on the hood and then launched to the pavement; every part of my body felt destroyed and ravaged. My head felt like an explosion, and then I felt like bright stage lights were shining on my face. I died painfully.

II. The Cop and The Bottle: A Love Story
I could see myself. I was above me, but also I could see the world around me yet I was not in one spot. I simply was. I had become nothing and now I felt nothing. I could only be. The only thing was that even though I could see anywhere that ever existed, I could only be there on Gold Avenue. The fact did not depress or excite me. I felt nothing. Emotion is a thing created by the human brain, and I was no longer was human. I had broken my human inhibitions.
So I saw me lying dead in the middle of Gold Avenue.  I saw the people get out of their cars and slowly walk towards my corpse. Some were crying profusely, some had a face of pure terror and heartbreak, but the one who killed me was on his knees and expelling his breakfast onto the pavement. Someone called an ambulance and then someone else called the police. Two ambulances and four police cars came.
The man who killed me had been a police officer. A police officer with a love affair with strong whiskey and scotch. The police took him to jail to await his trial. I went with. He had one phone call. He stood in front of the phone for an hour. He picked up the phone and went to press the first button and then he started bawling. He punched the wall (that broke one of his knuckles but he wouldn’t know that for a few hours) and slammed the phone back on the receiver. He picked it up again and punched in the number.
                 “Mom…,” he whispered.
                 “Hello? George, why are you calling-.“ He screamed in tearful agony like a small child.
                 “Mom I, I… I ki-.“
                 “George what’s wrong? Are you crying?”
                 “I did it, I… he’s, I can’t even. Why!” He had his entire body weight against the wall and was making incomprehensible gargles and cries. “Mom… I can’t, call my… no don’t!”
                 “George what is wrong? You are scaring me! Where are you?”
                 “I did something bad. I… I am so sorry.” He threw the phone against its booth and shattered the phone itself and knocked the 7, 6, and 9 buttons of the dial face. He slumped against the wall and shook violently in grief. “No! NO! Why me?” I could tell he wasn’t talking about me, though. He just wanted another shot of whiskey.

III. Paranoia or Maniacs in Manderley
                 I went back to the intersection. I was back when everyone was still there; looking at me. Then I went forward. Not long though. I was watching a man talking to some cops. “Hey, Officer I just want to get home. My girlfriend is going to worry and I have the groceries.” The man was young, but witnessing the accident had aged him. He was sweaty and had been sweaty since I died. His skin had lost all the glow of youth and his eyes stared off into the distance.
                 “Sir, we have just a few more questions and then you can go.” The questions they asked were pointless. I had died, a man had hit me, he went to jail, and now they were just some cops asking redundant questions. A few minutes later the young man was allowed to leave. The short day was starting to end and the sun was setting quickly. He weaved through the streets and dodged spasmatic taxis. 
                 He eventually got to his apartment complex. Manderley Heights. He parked his car and proceeded to remove the groceries from the trunk of his car. Manderley Heights was on a cruddy lot off a main road. All the trees on the lot were withered and hadn’t bloomed in years. The grass was yellow and all the flower beds were empty and gray. He walked down the narrow hallway between the rooms and stopped in front of room 127. His schizophrenic neighbor was blasting his records again. Tonight was some obscure blue musician that was mediocre is almost every way. He pulled open the door.
                 “Honey I’m home,” The sarcasm stinged. The music was so loud it could be heard from the other side of the wall:
Preee—eee—ttyyy little bird
I looovvveed you; there’s no word
He put the groceries on the counter and yelled again, “Jenna, I’m home. Are you here? Jenna?” He walked to the door that led to his and his girlfriend’s bedroom. He twisted the doorknob but it wouldn’t turn all the way. It was locked. “Jenna, are you in there!”
“Why would you do this Ben? I trusted you!”
But now that you left me
I have no sympathy
                 “Mr. Bernie turn down the goddamn music! Jenna what are you doing? Jenna!”
                 “Why did you have to cheat on me with her? We were so perfect.”
I y’am dying
You left me cryin’
But nooooowwwowowowowoow
                 The song continued with a bland saxophone solo. In their bedroom the woman kept crying. Her hands were shaking uncontrollably, and her throat was coarse from crying. Around her were pools of vomit and an empty bottle of Valium. There was a shiny gun in her hand.
"Why would you cheat on me?" She screamed like a child.
"I didn't do anything! There was a kid hit by a car and I was a witness! What are you doing!?"
"Why didn't you call me, you liar!" She put the gun against her head and sobbed.
There is blood on my hands
And I’m, done, gone, leavin’, and freein’ myself
She started whispering a lullaby:
"I was a bird in the sky
And then I fell-"

Goodbye my friend and now-
"Watch," Watch, "me," me, "die," die.
She pulled the trigger... "Why won't it work?" She pulled the trigger furiously. "Why? Why?  Why me?" I guess the Valium wasn't helping her problem solving skills. The safety was still on. She kept pulling as the blues erupted into a crescendo of brass instruments. I drifted towards her as she was frantically tapping the trigger. And I turned off the safety.
Her brains painted the wall as her body turned to jelly. It was a masterpiece. I was in love. It was like art. The balance of her slumped down with the splatter going up. The composition of her fleshy nub that once was her head. The sparkle of the blood on the floor. It was beautiful. Her beautiful death had made me understand that I was perfection, and that I was the only being that would ever know perfection.

{justify}Intermission of The Dead
Chateau and fine dine
A feast for the eyes
A beautiful spectacle
It was truly irrefutable
Beautiful

IV. She Only Bored Me
         Yet again I returned to the crossing. There was a woman puking in a trashcan. It looked interesting.She had been so shocked by my death; she couldn’t handle the beauty of it. After she finished, she fled to her car and weeped like she had seen something horrible like an artsy documentary or a blunt politician. She called her ex-husband, and told him what she had seen. He agreed he would let their son visit for the weekend. She returned to weeping.
         I followed her for three days and each day all she did was clean. Every spot on the floor was wiped away even if that spot had been wiped before. Her hands were wrinkled from wet rags and soapy dishes. Her arms were tired from lifting furniture to sweep underneath. She was engrossed in cleaning. She never talked when she cleaned and she ate extremely little. It was Friday when she finally stopped cleaning.
         In the late afternoon she grabbed her purse and ran outside. When she got outside, she had to shield her eyes from the light as she walked to the car. She traveled across the city to Toys R Us to look for a toy. She was in there for hours and she went down every single aisle and looked at every single toy. She nearly filled her cart with toys when she eventually decided to checkout. After she waited in the line for a few minutes ,she started to look around store... and then at her cart... and then at her hands... and lastly her stomach. Her eyes turned glassy and her face pink. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she started hyperventilating.
         She abandoned the store and ran to her car. She just screamed. This woman was boresome to me, and she had done nothing interesting or beautiful. She did not deserve the glory of being watched by me. Yet she still had not seen her son and I decided that maybe something beautiful would come of that.
         It didn’t. The next the dad dropped the boy off and the mom ran to him and hugged him. She was teary eyed when she finally let go. She whispered something in his ear and he looked excited so he ran inside to drop off his stuff and then he and his mom drove off. I felt I had seen enough and I moved on.

V. The Purge
         I was in a hospital room. A woman was giving birth and I didn’t know her. My purpose was to watch how people were affected by my death. All the people I had watched had been at the crossing and had seen me become beautiful, but this woman... She hadn’t been there or had she? I knew everything except her! She did not deserve that privilege. I was everything. Her face was familiar yet every moment I tried to grasp disappeared.
         She screamed in agony and started gasping. I looked upon her and then I saw it crowning. I was blinded by a white light and immediately I felt pain. I heard more screaming and the light became more intense. Thunder exploded in my ears and I lost my security and I became human. I started to feel everything. I felt like my limbs were being ground to dust. I wretched and shook, my eyes burned, my ears bled , my stomach turned to liquid, my sternum went through my chest, my legs bent backwards, my head burst, my body caught a blaze, my lungs engulfed gallons of water, my esophagus collapsed, and my heart came out of my mouth. The light grew brighter except for one spot. The mother was holding the newborn baby.
         Everything went black as I was stabbed through the heart and my body turned to dust.

VI. Only Human
         I was back at the crossing. I was standing, breathing, and living. I was terrified, but of what I didn’t know. I felt like my power had been removed; that I had been  punished. It was back to before I died. I still had time to get hit by the car, but that baby had been putrid. It was the one that really killed me. What had I been? The car would be coming soon. I had to decide. What did it mean? I looked at street. I probably only had five seconds. There was no way I could decide.


         I turned around and started walking back to the store...


         But then I turned around.