Why?

My husband and I walk into the hospital. I see the automatic doors opening and walk through them following the correct colored path to the elevator that will take us to her. I see the clean tiles and the sterile looking walls as we exit the elevator. We go to the waiting room for the attendant to come and get several of us and take us to the ICU units.

I sit at the table with my husband. Today is the day we pull the plug on her life support. I feel strange. My daughter has been in a coma for a month from over dosing on prescription drugs. I thought she would come home. She has done this before and we always were able to bring her home. Why is this time different?

The attendant arrives and we gather together and follow them into the ICU units. They really are death units. Each loved one waiting to die.
Can I do this? She isn't an animal to be put down. She is a breathing, living human being. She is my daughter! The Preacher is standing with my other daughter. I feel my son and my husband besides me. Wait, do I feel? I know but don't feel. We are here.

I look at my daughter. There are tubes everywhere. Her chest heaves and goes down with the respirator. I touch her arm and it is warm. She is living. I so want to hold her but it is impossible with all the equipment attached to her.
The doctor arrives. He speaks to us but I don't hear him. I see our Preacher saying a prayer for her soul. I see the doctor look at my husband and they nod to each other. They asked us to step outside of the unit. They are behind curtains. The nurse says for us to come back in. Her respirator has been pushed aside. I go to her and lift her into my arms. Please God, make her whole again. Give her back to me. As I lay her down I feel lifted almost off the ground as the Preacher and my husband put me into a chair.

Nothing is in my vision. I feel so empty. I hear people talking but it means nothing to me. What is wrong? Why can't I feel? Part of me has gone and I want it back. I have no tears. Where are they? I am so lost.