18+ Based off an old joke my dad use to tell, stuck in my head, so I wrote it out. |
-The Man With No Hands- by Keaton Foster Once There was a man With no hands Some called him nubs Others called him stubs Some liked to make fun Others, not so much The story goes Or so I’ve been told That he lost his hands In a fight with a man Wielding a dull knife He stole something Or maybe it was That he found something Either way he was attacked The man with the blade Severed his appendages Right at the wrist Rather vicious and quick The pain was immense The man who did the cutting Took the man hands Gathered them up quick Running off into the woods He was never seen Or heard from again The man with no hands Came to live Quite an amazing life He became very proficient With his feet After a few years He could do with ease Just about everything That he had ever done With his hands He could work He could cook He could dress himself Drive a car All be it Not very far He could pleasure the ladies You know what I’m saying Some called him Bo Jangles Others called him Handi-capable He never let His lack of appendages And digits Get in his way Anyone who knew him Was proud to call him friend The man with no hands Was doing just fine But then Again as the story goes One day many years After losing his limbs He was walking across A rickety old bridge He somehow slipped With nothing to catch He fell right into the river A murky madness Full of hungry creatures That cared nothing Of his disabilities The river Infested with gators Connected two swamps Breeding season Is a hell of a thing Alligators Are quick to decide If I can’t fuck it Than for sure I’ll eat it A big one named Moses Was first to see him The man with no hands Moses had just eaten Two of his smaller rivals He was slightly full He was only in the mood For a quick snack The, at this point To be victim Could not swim He could only float He could only go Where the river took him And it took him right to Moses Moses swam up from below And with two quick snaps He had his Just the right sized snack Moses severed his legs And now That man The one with no hands Legs or feet Would forever become Known as Bob… The Man With No Hands Written by Keaton Foster Copyright © 2014. |