What I Really Am

What I Really Am?

I portray a strong beautiful women

who is confidant of who she is.

Who doesn't need anybody to make her happy

and I tell myself independence is the only thing I need to focus on.

But behind closed doors

I suffocate in the isolation I created to protect myself.

Cowardice consumes me 

as I hide behind books and music.

I am indeterminately paranoid of making a fool at of myself

that I question my every word and action.

I refuse to look at the mirror too long

for I dread that I might see the petrified little girl that is inside me.

I don't define myself as beautiful 

only adequate within this world filled with true beauty.

Love is a dream that I have every night

only to desire that one day I will attain it.

And I am too afraid to open up to people,

will they understand the words that I am trying to get across?

I may be all those things but I hope that one day I won't be afraid anymore

and I know writing this down is the first step to achieve my dream.