To Rule or to Fool

TO RULE OR TO FOO;

Characters:

• Death

           

• Barack Obama

           

• Prince Charles

           

• Queen Victoria

           

• Nelson Mandela

           

• Manmohan Singh

           

• Aladeen

           

• Kim Jong Un

           

• Adolf Hitler

           

• Joseph Stalin

           

• Steve Jobs

           

• Ban KM

           

• Angels

           

• Demons

Narrator                    : Winston Churchill once said, " Politics is not a game. It is an earnest business. But is that still the case in the modern world? Well, perhaps, as Gertrude Stein thinks, "there isn't an answer. There has never been an answer. There ain't gonna be an answer. That is the answer." Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, To Rule or To Fool!

(Curtains open. All characters are asleep.)

(Bell toll is heard. Characters suddenly wake up.)

Obama                    : What's going on?

Aladeen                    : Servants, bring my tea!

Charles                    : Where are we? What is this place?

                   (Queen Victoria walks in humming.)

Charles                    : Is that my dead Grandmere?

Queen                    : Good to see you too, Charles!

Hitler                    : And why am I seated next to this Communist pretender?

Stalin                    : I am not a pretender! And Communism is the only way to justice!

Charles                    : That is rubbish!

(Shouting and arguing begins. Death enters. Cheering and hooting is heard.)

Death                    : Silence!

(Characters freeze.)

Charles                    : And who on Earth are you?

Death                    : I... do not dwell on Earth.

Obama                    : Yeah, sure, but who are you?

Death                    : (offended) How often do you go to church?

Obama                    : (offended) I am a very busy man. But I go to church whenever my schedule permits.

Charles                    : (snickers) Which is never.

                   (hits Charles with handbag.)

Charles                    : Ow!

Queen V                    : Manners, boy!

Charles                    : Sorry Ma Maw.

Death                    : (mutters) Politicians these days. Simply hopeless.

(Death ascends the staircase. Footsteps are heard as Death walks.)

Death                    : I... am Death.

(Thundering followed by silence.)

Death                    : I have gathered you here for an important purpose. The apocalypse is near and all you      do is fight amongst yourselves. It is high time for you to make amends and find solutions. You shall not leave this council until you do so.

Obama                    : (to others) Everything's fine, right guys? (to Death) Can we go now? I have a meeting.

Death                    : Who could be more important than me?

Obama                    : Justin Bieber?

Death                    : (to himself) I have lost faith in humanity. (to others) Alright. We shall commence now.  Mr. Aladeen--

Aladeen                    : King Aladeen.

Death                    : (sighs) Of course. King Aladeen. Would you present us with the issues that your country is currently facing?

Aladeen                    : Everything is-a wonderful no? I'm happy, so people happy! We so Full of peace and hap-piness!

Death                    : That so? Last time I checked, your brilliant posse of scientists were designing a new missile to hit North Korea!

Kim J U                    : What?! How dare you, WeirdBeard?

Death                    : Ha! You are one to talk. Don't you remember throwing a temper tantrum saying you wanted to vaporize Libya?

Aladeen                    : Why you little--

                   (Aladeen and Kim JU run at each other)

Ban KM                    : People, do not fight! (fight stops)

Hitler                    : What? No! Keep fighting! To the death! Only one must be victorious!

Ban KM                    : Are you insane?!

Stalin                    : No, he's just Nazi.-

Ban KM                    : As the secretary general of the UN, I suggest we take a vote.

Charles                    : To decide who's going to die? Can I vote for both?

Ban KM                    : No! It's not to decide who will die! It is to--

Death                    : Silence! Enough of this! You are deviating from our task! I need someone with a sane mind here! Angels! Is Nelson Mandela available?

Angel 1                    : Yes, sire. What must be done?

Death                    : Bring him here immediately.

                   (angels bring Mandela)

Death                    : Evening Mr. Mandela. Please help us with this.

Mandela                    : Of course sire.

Death                    : Back to you, Aladeen.

                   (Aladeen is distracted. E.g. flirting with angels. Angel 2 slaps Aladeen)

Angel 2                    : Jerk.

Death                    : BACK TO YOU, ALADEEN!

Aladeen                    : Huh? Oh. Yeah, like I said, Libya is sup-per great. (nodding vigorously) We have mon-ney, oily, so much gallivanting!

MM Singh                    : How many of your body doubles have been shot so far?

Aladeen                    : Only about 25.

Queen V                    : Dear Lord!

Charles                    : That's not bad!

Mandela                    : Aladeen, please figure out who wants to bring you down, and why. And stop this dictatorship. Let people choose their ruler.

Charles                    : No! Don't destroy royalty! This world needs more kings!

MM Singh                    : It's the 21^st century, Charlie.

Aladeen                    : But my people looove me! They want me to be king. You should see!

Mandela                    : That's what you think!

Death                    : Moving on, Prince Charles. How's your new car?

Charles                    : The Rolls Royce? Wonderful! Its engine capacity is--

Death                    : Tell me how UK is now. Education, economy, all must be well?

Charles                    : (angrily) Humph!  How should I know? Why don't you ask the Prime Minister? Mother adores that Cameron anyway!

Queen V                    : (squeezing Charles' ear) Charles, don't blame your poor momma because you lack discipline to be king!

Death                    : Well I suppose things must be good then.

Hitler                    : (to Death) Why did you make me want to kill myself?

Mandela                    : Are you kidding? If you'd been alive, thIS world would have ended decades ago!

Hitler                    : I will kiiill you!

Mandela                    : See what I mean?

Death                    : Demons, take Adolf away back to where he was. He's becoming irritating.

Hitler                    : What? No! Please! I can't go back there!

                   (demons take him away)

Death                    : Typical dictators. They're all so childish.

Obama                    : Look man I really gotta go. Is this way out?

                   (goes towards demons. Demons snarl.)

Obama                    : (in a high-pitched scared voice) No, I guess not!

Death                    : Return to your position. You are next. So the great America. How is the cold war?

Kim JL                    : Didn't that end when Russia broke down?

Mandela                    : He was referring to China.

Obama                    : Oh, nonsense. China is like a brother. We both are hell-bent on developing the world economy by--

Steve J                    : (walks in eating an apple) You mean to say you're okay that they make fake copies of my phones?

Obama                    : Stevie! My old friend! What are you doing here?

Steve J                    : (sarcastically) Going fishing, Obie.

Obama                    : What happened to you man? It's been a while.

Steve J                    : Oh, you didn't hear? I got pancreatic cancer. Just watch the company for me, 'k? (leaves the half- eaten apple on the table)

Death                    : Now, all I need to say is, you're getting one chance to rule fairly and correctly. Look at Switzerland, so small and surrounded by mighty and giant nations.

Mandela                    : But it keeps its independence and stability, while not poking their nose into affairs of others. This warning is especially for you, President Obama. Be like a Switzerland. Be strong yet humble.

Obama                    : Yes sir.

Charles                    : We understand.

Aladeen                    : Sure.

Death                    : A fair warning, if you do not do as I expect, I will be compelled to bring you back here, and you will be punished.

                   (official runs into the council in a hurry.)

Leroy                    : Sire! Sire!

Death                    : Leroy! What is so important you had to disturb this meeting?

Leroy                    : You wouldn't believe what happened on earth!

Death                    : Indeed, try me.

Leroy                    : It's Switzerland, sir!

Death                    : Who dares attack them?

Leroy                    : It wasn't they who were attacked. Switzerland has blown up the White House!

Everyone                    : (gasp) What?!?!

                   (all characters freeze.)

THE END