Aunt Jade

Ted wore his “full plate armor”
when he went to see Aunt Jade.
(Armor as a metaphor,
  shielding him from sure tirade.)

Jade was like a mom to Ted
having raised him by Loon Lake.
She baked Ted delicious things,
crescent rolls, a quiche cupcake.

Ted disclosed the news to Jade
about his plans to marry.
Jade launched into a tirade
and, of course, Ted was wary.

“You can’t marry her!” cried Jade,
“You know she’s your half-sister!”
Ted stressed with male potency:
“I simply can’t resist her!”

“It was all right for King Tut*,”
Ted continued with aplomb.
(Ted brought up some history
  hoping it would make Jade calm.)

“You are not a king, my boy,”
“plus it is incestuous.”
Jade eyed him with steely scowl:
“Please don’t be impetuous!”

Still in tirade, Jade went on
warning of the offspring threat.
“It can effect birth defects.”
Words slashed like a bayonet.

Ted went pensive to his car
but returned, a wilted tree.
Jade was nonplussed when Ted said:
“Now it’s a dead battery.”


32 Lines  [Rhythm: 7-7-7-7]
Writer’s Cramp  March 1, 2014

*King Tut married his half-sister.

Requirements:
--full plate armor
--cupcake
--King Tut
--dead battery