"I Would Have Never Imagined"

It was summer of 2012 when we (me, my twin sister Arielle and our parents: Lilliana and Craigory) moved from New Jersey to Pennsylvania. I am NOT your typical ‘Jersey Girl’. I am FAR from it… I’m not into tanning and going to the beach everyday… I am more of a ‘stay in the house and keep to myself type of girl’, with long, straight burgundy hair; unlike Arielle who is a high-spirited, outgoing, long and curly- haired blond. We were far from being anything alike. Yeah, sure… We were identical and all, but our personalities and interests were very different. She was an always perfect, good-two-shoe, straight A girl. I was never good enough for my parents… They never cared if I got an A+… They would never notice when I did something right… They only payed attention to Arielle, like she was the only child. Yes, I was jealous of her… Who wouldn’t be?
I had met my now ex-boyfriend Doug back in New Jersey. He was practically perfect; tall, tan, crystal blue eyes and caramel brown hair. He was captain of the football team. When he found out I was moving to a different state more than an hour away, he said it wouldn’t work out anymore because he couldn’t deal with a long-distance relationship. I thought we were in love and that he would still at least call me or something, but I guess I was wrong because not even a week later, he starting dating my supposed to be ‘best friend’, Alaina. My God was she freakin’ gorgeous, but she was trampy. She was ALWAYS the prettier of us two with her tan skin and bleach blond hair. She was captain of the cheerleading squad… No wonder he had moved on so fast… They probably already had a ‘thing’ behind my back… Figure, they had football games every single Friday for at least two months.
My sister Arielle and I had started a new high school in the fall of 2012. The new school is WAY different from our old school. The other students, the teachers, the classes… Everything! People here didn’t seem as snobby as they were back in New Jersey. Maybe I would fit in here… I hope…
Our new high school seemed to be pretty chill, for the most part anyways. Yeah, there was still clicks and stuff, but some people just went with the flow and didn’t seem to care if I was new or not, they wanted to talk to me! My new groups of friends were awesome! Arielle had joined the cheerleading squad… Of course. Like always, my parents were so proud of her, but when I told them I made friends on the first day (which was abnormal for me) they just nodded and went on with congratulating Arielle.
I never thought it would happen so fast… That any of this would happen so fast. I never imagined my life ending up the way it had… What had happened to me? Was it just one of those teenage phases? Did I go insane? I was lost in a world of confusion and it only got worse… I would have never imagined my life like this… I never thought I would turn into this type of person… WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON!? Have I really become this person!? Why was I hurting myself? Why was I enjoying the pain? It felt so wrong, but at the same time, so right.
Drugs… What? Me? No… I couldn’t have tried them… Never… But, again, it happened so fast… It made me feel like I was flying; it being heroin. It gave me a rush. When I came down from being so high, I only wanted more. I never went home after school anymore…I was becoming a low life and I had no control over it… I went to my new best friend, Rion’s house. She was my supplier. She was the one that gave me my high. Anyways, I couldn’t go home… I was high… I couldn’t risk my parents finding out… Heroin helped me stop self- harming… But every time I couldn’t get high, I would hurt myself… I couldn’t live without it… I could not survive… It literally hurt to not have it in my system, even for one day. I was addicted.
Me and Rion were inseparable. We were ALWAYS together. I could not be separated from her for a long time… It legit gave me anxiety… Maybe I was in love with her? I don’t swing that way… I never have… Maybe it was all in my head? I hope so… I can’t risk losing her; I wouldn’t be able to live… Should I talk to her about it? No, that might be weird… But I’ll be damned if I keep secrets from her… Alright… I’m gonna call her right now.
She answered: “Hey girlie. Whatcha up to?”
I replied, “Nothin’ really… You?”
“Same stuff, different day. Yanno.”
“Yeah, uhmmm… I need to talk to you about something… ASAP…”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah… Would you be able to come over or something; it’s important.”
“Sure, be over in like twenty.”
“Okay, cool. See you then. Oh and just walk in and come straight to my room.”
“Mk, bye!”
“Bye.”
She was here… I was nervous. I felt like I was going to throw up. She came up to my room.
“Hey hey”, she practically yelled out.
“Hi.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing”
“So… Whatcha need to talk about?”
“You might want to take a seat…”
“Okay…”
“Listen Rion”, I said, “I know we haven’t been friends for that long, but I enjoy spending time with you and I really hope we can still be friends after this…”
“Are you moving again!?”
“No.”
“Okay, so?”
“I really like you… And I really hope I don’t creep you out by saying this, but I think I may have fallen in love with you…”
“OhmyGod!”
“What?”
“I was afraid to tell you and I tried my best to hide it…”
“What?”
“Arietty… I feel the same way… Honest.”
“Really!?”
“Yes!”
I was smiling so wide it hurt, but I couldn’t help it… This was so magical. I can’t even deal right now.
We weren’t dating… But we did spend all of our free time together. We acted like best friends still, nothing had changed. I was okay with that… I was just happy to have her as my best friend.
We still got high together, all the time. Everything was perfectly normal between us. Nothing could go wrong now… Right?
WRONG!
“Hey Arietty, we need to talk… ASAP.”
“Alright… About?”
“Uhmmm, listen… I know I told you I loved you the other day… But I’m not sure if I meant it… I think I said it out of action. I hope we can still be friends?”
“No… How could you!? I thought we were best friends!?!?”
“We were… And we still are, I hope… But I don’t like you more than that.”
“Whatever… Just leave me alone…”

How could she do this to me!? She was supposed to be my best friend! I thought she loved me! Why did she let me believe that for the past two weeks!? THAT BACK STABBING BIATCH!
I went home after school that day… The day I hit absolute rock bottom.

I was home alone… Mom and dad were at work and Arielle was at cheer practice. No one would be home for another hour or two…
I went to my room and layed in bed and cried for like half an hour… I was thinking… Over thinking… What was the point? No one saw good in me anyways, not even myself… I do nothing right… Never have and never will… I prayed and prayed… But nothing could help me… I was lost and couldn’t be found… So I grabbed them… The bottle of pills… And I grabbed it… The blade…
No one would notice or care, right?
I took that whole bottle of pills…
I thought for a few minutes… What’s the point if no one cares about me!?
I cut down deep into my arm…. A few right across my veins… I felt relieved… I could have cared less if I was bleeding out until my death; my journey to Hell. That was the point anyways…
It all seemed so surreal… Like I was in a dream; a dark, dark dream in a dark place…
It wasn’t a dream… I was fading… I could still hear Arielle’s footsteps as she was coming in and coming upstairs… But I could care less at this point… It was almost over… Almost the end… Fading more and more… I could faintly hear her yelling for me. She tried to open the bathroom door, but I had locked it … She obviously needed me for something super important cause she had picked the lock…
That didn’t have an effect on me… Nothing affected me at this point.
I only have vivid memory of it… But I can remember enough of it to talk about.

She opened the door…
She didn’t know what to do… She was panicking…
She called mom and dad… They said to call the ambulance and they would be home in about ten minutes.
She called 911 as soon as she got off the phone with them.
“Hello, 911, how may I help you?”
“Yeah, hey… I just got home and uh my sister must have like taken a whole bottle of pills and I think she cut herself cause she’s bleeding super bad from her arms!!!!”, Arielle said in tears; breathing heavily.
“Calm down, I need you to calm down sweetie. Can you give me your address?”
“Yeah… It’s 123 Parrot Street. Pittsburgh, PA.”
“Alright, someone will be there as quick as possible.”
“Okay, thanks!”
“Yeah, no problem.”

It took no more than about tenish minutes for them to come pick me up… My parents followed us to the hospital.
I woke up at the hospital… It was like 5:00 AM. My parents and sister were both there… They had stayed all night with me, waiting for me to wake up.
I was hooked up to like three different machines and had bandages all over my arms. It was all real.

Everyone else woke up around like 7:00.
I got discharged at noon… I got to go home… But only for an hour or two… After I was done packing, I had to go to a ‘mental hospital’ because of suicidal actions…
I went to some hospital in Ohio.
I had to attend rehabilitation counseling sessions while I was there.

I got to go home after 3 months.
I still struggle, but with the help of my parents and Arielle, but I somehow manage to make it through the day.