Learning how to stand.

I was sitting there writing this note to this guy knowing that I was being foolish and that he didn't have a care in the world for me; but I didn't care all I knew was that I felt noticed... noticed by this handsome guy who obviously had much more experience then I did. I passed the not from my slightly shaken hands to him. I couldn't bare to look at him and catch his gaze...and give it away anymore then I already that I liked him and was drooling over him. I waited as I could hear his pencil hit the paper and scribble away. I started to get lost in thoughts about what if he really did have a thing for me or if this could be more then just passing notes to make class go by. All of the sudden my thoughts were interrupted by a tap on my shoulder , I quickly turned and caught his gaze "dammit!" I thought as my cheeks began to turn as red as his shirt. He gave me a sly smile knowing that he had power over me "that asshole!" But such a beautiful one. He tossed the note on my desk and I quickly grabbed it before anyone else could see. I opened the now crumbling note trying to be as quiet as possible as I heard the teacher asking if anyone had questions over the last chapter everyone had read. "Have you done it before?" I mean like full on third base?" and with that I knew for sure that he could never care for me... I blushed knowing that I have never been that close with a guy before and did not know how to answer the question with out sounding foolish.
I began to write " Of course I have once or twice. Why do you ask?" I set my pencil down and started to fold up the note. My face was still beat red and I knew I was already getting in way over my head. I took the note and tapped his shoulder. "Here" I whispered. He grabbed the note with out looking at me. I returned quickly to my desk and waited. He tossed the note on my desk again. I opened it quickly and read. " Oh yeah! How was it? Do you like it fast or slow?" How could I be so stupid as to take part in this? But how do I get out now and not look like a pussy? So I wrote again knowing that I was being stupid and that he was just using me as entertainment. Still in the back of my mind I had this slight hope that he might actually like even though the notes spoke the truth. What is wrong with me? still writing " It was great! I enjoyed it and Idk I think I like it both ways" feeling idiotic knowing that I had no Idea what I was talking about. I folded the note and passed it on. This began to escalate quickly getting more and more personal. And at this point I had no way out and I was screwed. RIIIIIIIIINNNNNGG!!!! The lunch bell began to ring and everyone scurried to gather their things and get to lunch. I just sat there like a idiot thinking about the note. He had already left in such a hurry like I had never existed and the whole thing was just a figment of my imagination. I wanted to cry, scream , crawl in a hole and dye anything to get away from this embarrassment and disappointment. I started to gather my things and quickly walked out of the classroom seeing flashes of humans in front of me but I couldn't concentrate on anything but the note causing everything around me to be this big blur. I put my things in my locker and ran to lunch. In the lunch line I ran into my friend Noah. "Hey whitey whats crackin?" I just smiled and didn't say anything to his obvious lack of english. He was not a bad looking guy...he had these piercing aqua blue eyes and wore average t-shirt and jeans nothing spectacular or fashionable. He was pretty tall but then again everyone was compared to my 5 foot 2 stature.