The Most Commercialized Time of the Year

It's the most commercialized time of the year
with the Chipmunks caroling in the mall,
and marshmallows toasting on an open fire;
when Santa's lawyers come to call
because Mr. Claus roasted his chestnuts
in your fireplace delivering presents this year.

It's the most dangerous season of all,
with bottles of holiday cheer
disappearing into eggnog bowls,
and Jack Frost standing under the mistletoe
giving hot kisses that make your cheeks glow
before the cops drag him out into the snow.

It's the most commercialized time of the year,
and the most dangerous season of all,
with children from one to ninety-two
shiver with pneumonia and the flue,
while the riot squad is called to the mall
because reindeer can't really fly.