The Santa Experience

All over the world, little kids believe in the man called Santa Claus. We know he wears a red suit, has a white beard, is jolly, and travels all over the world delivering toys and Christmas cheer but there are also a lot of questions that seem to surround him.

1. He delivers toys all over the world in one night. How is that possible? Santa is a big guy and in any Christmas special that you see, reindeer are not that fast. There is either a time machine involved or there is more than one Santa doing the job which raises the question: Is there more than one North Pole?

2. He lives at the North Pole. Why would anyone want to live in such a cold place where your neighbours are polar bears and penguins? Is it so he can concentrate solely on Christmas or is it a defense mechanism where he knows no one is going to go looking for him up there?

3. He has toys all over the workshop. The elves work 364 days of the year. Would you be happy working every day? Companies the worldover would love employees with that work ethic. What happens to the elf that refuses to work everyday? You never see them again, that's what!

4. The elves. How could they possibly keep warm in what they are wearing? Pointy cloth shoes and hats, leotards, and they all resemble Robin Hood. They must have to go outside all of the time. They work 364 days of the year handling the toys and what do they see? Has anyone ever seen an elf house in any Christmas special? Do they all live together in the elf dorm? Don't they deserve the milk and cookies more than Santa? They do the work and Santa delivers the goods.

5. Santa probably takes about 10-15 minutes at each house: He goes down the chimney, puts the toys out, eats the milk and cookies, and than leaves the same way he came in. How does he find the time to do this at every single house? Does he carry a lunchbox to put them in?

6. The chimney: What if you don't have a chimney or what if you have a narrow chimney? How does Santa fit down a narrow chimney with his belly? How come no alarm system doesn't come on when he enters the residence?

7. Milk and cookies. Now imagine how many houses he visits in one night. Doesn't he ever get indigestion or have to use a bathroom? What if someone makes cookies that make him sick? Not only are you only the naughty list but you might find a surprise in your stocking!

8. Reindeer that fly and one that has a red stoplight for a nose. Wouldn't they get hungry or thirsty during the trip? Bathroom breaks...has anyone ever discovered stuff on their roof or does Santa clean it up?

9. The red toy bag that Santa carries. How could all the toys fit in there without being broke or crushed?

10. Santa only has to work one day of the year delivering the toys. The rest of the time he supervises the elves. He does have the best job in the world! Of course he also has to monitor the bad and good list which brings up the question of security: How much does Santa really know? Should he be brought in for questioning?

11. Reading all the mail that gets delivered to the North Pole every year: Santa has to have a computer or if he hasn't upgraded yet: Office elves. Answer elves. Bad list elves. Good list elves. Way too many elves.

12. What does he think of all the parents that tell their kids to ask Santa for it? Doesn't he think they are putting it all on him? If he doesn't deliver it, he's a fraud. This is why, boys and girls, parents don't get gifts from Santa.

13. Does Santa Claus ever get tired of his wardrobe? 365 days of the year wearing red and white. The elves wearing the pointy hats and shoes. There's only one possible answer to this one: Mrs. Claus. She obviously has no style or doesn't really care.

14. Mrs. Claus. What does she think of having Santa go out one night a year? What does she think of being surrounded by little people who resemble childen and being the only adult besides Santa? Does she ever get tired of toys everywhere and reindeer who leave small presents everywhere? Does she wish Santa had moved to Florida?

15. What do the elves do on Christmas Eve when Santa leaves? Do they have a giant party or plot out how to escape before he comes back? When Santa comes home, does he go straight or sleep or does he go down to the workshop to plan for next year? Does he ever wonder why he is still doing this job and thinks of quitting so he can follow his dreams of running away to a tropical climate where he doesn't have to deal with little elves and reindeer? So many questions and so little time.