"The Queen of the Night Confrontation"

"Sheldon Swifties  XXVII: "The Queen of the Night Confrontation..."

Summary: Brief bits, not necessarily connected...Similar to my Buffyverse "Immortal Beloved" series...Possibly related to the idea that sooner or later I plan to pit Sheldon against junior adult fiction's greatest inventor...

Disclaimer: What's Chuck's is Chuck's...No infringement intended...







"Explain this to me one more time..." Penny, in rather elegant dress, glaring...

"We're taking our friends out to dinner and to see 'The Magic Flute' for Amy's birthday because she loves Mozart and Sheldon needed our support...To be forced into having enough sensitivity to take her...I'm sorry if it's not the most exciting of evenings but it is for Amy...Your bestie...And for the sake of the 'Shamy' you love so much..."

"Yeahhh...But that's not why I'm angry Leonard...And by the way, I actually do like 'The Magic Flute', I was in the chorus in grade school when we did it...Plus I like dressing up when my boyfriend has the courtesy to invite me out for a nice evening..."

"Oh...Well, now I'm making up for it..."

"LEONARD!...Why are we taking your mother to this?!..."

"Because...For some unfathomable reason she decided she wanted to visit me and Raj and Howard and Bernadette for more fathomable reasons refused to take her off my hands for an evening..." sigh...Sheepish look... "Penny...You know I didn't want it this way...But I can't leave Mom alone at the apartment and she finds Mozart tolerable among musicians...Which is her way of saying she loves it, relatively speaking..."

"Oh...Well that explains what she said about you..." Penny, smugly...

"Yeah..." Brightly...







Uh... "What...What did she say about me?...She said something about me when you were having coffee with us...?"

"No, this was during  her last visit...Well, I mean the one I was here for instead of deliberately scheduling to have a tooth extracted like her very last visit..."

Heh...

"No, I did deliberately schedule to have a tooth extracted that time, sweetie...And they could have saved the tooth if I hadn't put it off for when your mother was coming..."

"Penny...Please...Sheldon will deflect Mom...You know how she likes him...It won't be so bad this time...Please, don't leave alone with her and Sheldon and Amy...Much as I'm getting to like Amy..."

Grrr..."Leonard, you remember when you asked me to marry you and I said it wasn't the right time and I had reasons to want to wait about it...?"

"I get it..." sigh...

"I almost said yes, then and there just think about your mom, to make it up to you in the name of all women..." chuckle, grin... "Ok...But if she starts psychoanalyzing me when Sheldon goes off to find the most sanitary bathroom..."

"Believe me, she hasn't seen me in nearly a year...She'll have plenty of material to work on with me alone..."

"Ok..." smile... "Heck, it's almost worth it just to see ma lil' Lennie in a tux..." pat...Kiss... Frown..."Now what's this about liking Amy?..."

***

En route to restaurant...Leonard's car...

"So..." Leonard attempted to penetrate the stillness... "Mom...I guess you and Amy have a lot in common...Given your interest in Neurobiology...She just published in 'Neuron' a little while ago..."

"I shouldn't think so, Leonard..." Dr. Hofstadter, firmly... "My fields are Neurology and Psychology and Physiological Psychology...The young lady's a neurobiologist..." Clearly an attempt at small "n"... "Sheldon, are you continuing with your analysis of wave structure in graphite?..."

"That's rather old hat for Sheldon..." Amy noted, pleasantly..."He's been busy with..."

"I believe Dr. Cooper can answer for himself, young lady..." Dr. Hofstadter, coolly... "Sheldon?..."

"I've completed my analysis some time ago, as Amy said..." Sheldon noted, oblivious... "Right now I'm engaged in a new analysis of..."

"Dr. Hofstadter, I note you seem to be hesitant to address me directly...May I say if you're still angry at my grandmother, Dr. Fowler-Horowitz, for bring you up on child abuse charges, perhaps you should clear the air and say so, so we can enjoy a pleasant evening..." Amy, quietly...

Whoa...Penny, seated next to Leonard...Blinking...

"Did you know about this...?" hiss...

"Unnt-uh..." return hiss...Faint 'no' shake...

"Hardly relevant, my dear...That was a bit of foolishness on your grandmother's part years ago and long, long forgotten..." Beverly, calmly... "How is the senile old biddy these days, anyway...?"

"Oh...Yes, I should have mentioned that this is my girlfriend Amy's birthday..." Sheldon, happily...

And Leonard thought I wouldn't show Amy those important minor attentions...

Sheldon Cooper, for Romance...

"My grandmother just won the Nobel prize two years ago and is still practicing as one of the world's leading neuropsychologists and neurophysiologists at 96..." Amy, hard tone... "And it's rather sadly clear on behavior evidence that her warnings regarding Leonard's upbringing at least were quite justified..."

"Excuse me...?" Beverly, coldly...

"Uh..." Leonard attempting to cut in...

"He clearly craves maternal affection and suffers from profound sexual insecurity..." Amy continued... "And as my grandmother, your former advisor, warned...In her speech condemning your research before the APA..."

"Amy..." Penny tried...

"My God..." Leonard gasped... "Your grandmother is Margaret Fowler-Horowitz...The woman who tried to save us?..."

"Leonard...!" Beverly, a bit sharply... "Sheldon, I've no idea why you chose to become friendly with this monkey brain jockey who seems to have all her grandmother's foolish nitpicking about human research ethics but I must ask you to persuade her to keep a civil tongue..."

"Sheldon happens to be my boyfriend...We have a signed agreement, on pdf, if you'd like a copy..." Amy, angrily...

"Yes, I think I'm required by its terms to note that Amy has been quite civil to you, Beverly..." Sheldon noted, calmly... "And 'monkey brain jockey' while not entirely off the mark hardly covers her whole field of research..."

"Girlfriend?..." Beverly looked at Sheldon...

UH-HUH...Amy, clicking teeth... "Girlfriend..."

"Mother, can't we forget about Dr. Fowler-Horowitz...It was long, long ago...As you just said..." Leonard cut in...

"Certainly..." Beverly calmed a moment... "What sort of nonsense is this about a girlfriend agreement, Sheldon?...You've always been above such foolishness..."

"Relationship Agreement, actually Beverly..." Sheldon noted... "And well, I found recently it was impossible to deny my feelings toward Amy...Much as I tried...Lord, how I tried..."

"Ridiculous..." Beverly snorted... "You've far too fine a mind to waste it on this hotsy-totsy from Maine..."

"New York...We only lived with Gran in Maine for summers..." Amy noted... "Hotsy-totsy, I'll accept...I'm a hotsy-totsy, bestie..." she beamed at Penny...

"Yeah...Uh, guys..." Penny began...

"...Though I resent the implications of your remarks..." Amy finished...

"Sheldon, are you going to let this woman talk to me like that?..." Beverly, glaring...

"Well..." Sheldon looked at Amy, then Beverly...Then, desperately toward a Penny now trying to repress a smile staring back at him...

Come on, Sheldon...Make me proud...She eyed him...

"...Beverly...Amy is my girlfriend...I love her and you are being a bit..."

"Love..." Beverly choked... "You 'love' her?..." sudden, red-faced fury...

Hmmn...Penny blinked...

I don't think she came to see my lil' Leonard after all...

"You...L-L-L-Love...Me...?" Amy gasped...

"Of course...I signed the Relationship Agreement, didn't I?...I've tended you when sick...We cuddled..."

"What?!..." Beverly... "Sheldon!..."

"Mother?!..." Leonard, trying desperately to keep eyes on the road...

"He loves me, Penny!!..." Amy cried... "He loves me!!!...Oh...This even beats the tiara!!!..."

"Tiara?!..." Beverly choked again...

"I bought her one...To secure her forgiveness after some emotional incident I've forgotten about..." Sheldon noted...

"I see..." Beverly, coldly... "Well..Congratulations for proving my lack of faith in Humanity was totally justified, Dr. Cooper..."

"Mother, please..." Leonard tried yet again...

"...May you enjoy partaking of the foolishness of a sordid emotional bonding instead of the uplifting merging of two intellectually equal minds..." Beverly finished...

"Would I be getting it right to say I think your mother is saying she actually had the hots for Sheldon?..." Penny whispered...

"Yes but please don't go on down that road..." Leonard whispered back...

"Oh, I do..." Sheldon, contentedly... "But you're mistaken, my bonding with Amy is at multiple levels, intellectual, emotional, spiritual...In the non-religious context, of course..."

"Physical...Oh, yeah..." Amy added, a bit smugly...

"Leonard...I'm not feeling well enough to go tonight...Please take me home, now..." Beverly, frostily...

"Mother, we're almost there...Please...See you feel at dinner and then I'll..."

"I want to go home!..." she cried...

"After I get my friends to their birthday dinner, Mother!..." he replied, firmly... "We're almost there and it won't hurt you to wait five more minutes...I seem to remember begging you to stop the electroshocks a few minutes early when I was five...Now you can wait..."

"Electroshocks?!..." Penny stared...

"Oh, please...The boy is just fussing...They were very mild and no physical threat...And it did reset his potty schedule..."

"Amy, please tell your grandmother I'm her biggest fan and would truly, truly appreciate her signing a copy of her speech to the APA...And if she wouldn't mind I'd bet my brothers and sisters would love a copy as well, and my dad..."

"Leonard!..." Beverly, grimly...

"You said it didn't matter, Mother...Well, it mattered and matters to me...And even if they were too afraid of you then and hate you now, it matters to the others too..." Leonard replied... "Here...Guys, hold my chair I'll be back in twenty minutes...I think I need a chance to clear the air with Mom..."

"We'll be back soon, fellas..." Penny nodded... "I need to speak to my future mother-in-law, too..."

"What?...When did this happen?..." Beverly stared at Penny as Sheldon and Amy got out...

"Unless you'd care to bring it right here, right now..." Amy hissed, pausing at the door...

"Uh...When did this happen?..." Leonard, to Penny...When do you think?...She stared back...

"We've got it, bestie..." Penny noted to Amy... "And, thanks..."  beam... "Happy Birthday, Amy...My best friend..."

"Sheldon!...Take her arm...Like I showed you!..." she called to him... "And don't forget to pull the chair out for her...!" 

Uh...He nodded, uncertain...Taking Amy's arm as ordered as the car pulled away...

"Mom..." Leonard sighed... "First of all, I'm sorry about Sheldon...I didn't know...Well, lets say...I wouldn't let myself know...And I, personally, don't hate you..."

"But lady, you are never, ever, getting closer to my kids than a five second hug...Without electrodes..." Penny added...

"Any idea what just happened...?" Sheldon asked Amy as he guided her into the restaurant...

"I got a proper romantic birthday dinner, courtesy my grandmother..." Amy beamed...

***