Eighty blue mixed with 20 pink inside me

I feel the three pins
that stabs me
One to the head
One to the green mark in the middle
One enters me completely
I can feel it moving
wriggling around
Wanting out of the green cage I built around to hide my shame for it
A he?
A she?
No...
Both.

I sit alone innocently
playing with me...
No-one wants me to play cars
or Dolls
I want both
Never one
or the other.
When mother leaves for clothes
I wanted pink... Sometimes
Sometimes Blue
...
Sometimes green
The first five percent began to creep in.
She laughs
Trying to hide the shame that her pin hears
heats trying to hover over the skin.

I hear... it again
Screaming at me to accept it
as it rattles the bars
even then
at that young age
I KNEW I was different
I wanted to be both...
Both
boisterous... But kind
Dirty after playing in the mud... But happy to clean up
Understand them both...
But all I get is laughs... Still...
The third one looks me in my eyes... Smiles, then spits at me.
Laughs... Makes me cry, knowing it is unique, only to me...
Ten percent grows larger...

Over time... I progressed to hide
myself
I grew...

Half one... Half the other...
It laughed for years... I could hear the bars begin to crumble... I constantly glued them together... But it never
fully
worked.
The shawls I sewed together never lasted forever... It became harder to hear the grinding... Constant grinding
Grinding that shook my certain enlarged bones that excited into fifteen cold digits that kept growing because of
the
grinding I heard inside me.

Now what?
I know Twenty will appear soon...
But it told me from the campfire that it would stop then...
I could invade more of me.
But i'm nice it said
as it spat out the bones it chewed
That's all I want...


What can I do?
Can I give them what they want?
...

But I realise...

I want this corruption...
This imperfection
I craved the rejection
to hide the revaccination
of my discrimination.
Of the criminalisation
this nation






Placed on my torn and twisted body
I do not want to see.